Please tell me if you think Im a narc

Please tell me if you think Im a narc
Posted January 27, 2012 - 8:38pm
0

Im getting scared. I think sometimes that IM sick too?
Before I say why, I just want to say that I love my family, and love animals, and outside of that--I have compassion for and care about some people, but not others, and not all the time.

I feel for alot of you on here, when I read sad things you say. I hurt for alot of you when you hurt. But other times, when these caring feelings are suppose to be there for someone, they're not.

There are certain people in my life sometimes who are nice, but I don't feel anything if they hurt or go through stuff. This is really worrying me.
I enjoy people, but as far as caring deeply on-going...it seems to be saved for family, animals,boyfriends, and just random people from time to time.

I dont get it but this is upsetting me. I dont want to be a numb uncaring person. Does anybody else on here go through this?

‹ I just want to say sorry to anyone here I might have offended 9 1/2 weeks ›
Tigerlily's picture

Hi!

January 27, 2012 - 9:20pm — Tigerlily

(1) It is absolutely textbook for victim of narcissistic abuse to go through phases of believing they are narcs themselves! We`ve all been there! I`ve been there!
(2) A real narc never asks "am I a narc?". A real narc. could care less about his lack of empathy.
(3) My empathy waxes and wanes, too. My empathy shows up sometimes really strong for strangers and does a bunk when someone I love is involved. I think it`s important to trust your instinctive responses to things - maybe what you feel as lack of empathy is the absolutely "right" response for that person in that moment?
Over and above all of this - if you feel empathy at all - and you obviously do - I would say you`re not a narc.
Please stop worrying and be a little kind to yourself, OK?
Hugs
Tigerlily

ichooselife's picture

Tigerlily

January 27, 2012 - 10:33pm — ichooselife

I'm soooooo glad you said all that! Thankyou!

ichooselife's picture

actually i just remembered something.....

January 27, 2012 - 9:15pm — ichooselife

I DID feel empathy for a good friend of mine...i remember a time when someone had said something hurtful to her and she was upset. It hurt me to see that, so i couldnt be totally cold. Just wish i wasnt so selfish and uncarring way too much of the time :(

juliamarie's picture

Probably not...

January 27, 2012 - 8:54pm — juliamarie

Honestly, the fact that you ask the question leads me to believe that you aren't a Narc. You may not be the most empathetic person as we all are born with varying levels of empathy. But, I think to truly have NPD, you really have to score extremely low on the empathy scale.

You would notice an inability to maintain close relationships with friends and family. It would be an ongoing issue. And if you were a true Narc, you would blame those issues on everyone else.

You are obviously very self aware. You care about your family and those close to you You don't have to feel the pain of the entire world to be a good person.

Just my opinion...not a trained therapist!

ichooselife's picture

juliamarie

January 27, 2012 - 11:48pm — ichooselife

Thankyou for your response, you guys said alot of really good things that make sense to me.

juliamarie's picture

FYI

January 28, 2012 - 12:24am — juliamarie

I thought this was funny. Early in my relationship with my Narc, he accused me of not being empathetic. I was floored. I didn't even understand what he was talking about. Projection! I'm empathetic....but I'm not fake about my feelings. I'm not going to pretend to care about something that I don't. It's just not who I am.

He didn't get that because I was a normal person...and he wasn't. Don't let your feelings of indifference about certain people freak you out. Normal people care about the people they love. You aren't required to care about everyone.

ichooselife's picture

"N accused me of not being empathetic"

January 28, 2012 - 12:42am — ichooselife

Oh ya, I almost forgot about this. Mine did too, but he was careful the way he worded it so that he could say thats not what he meant if I got mad.lol

He had no empathy for me, ever but sometimes would decide to throw his empathy to total strangers instead, and expect me to feel for them too then suggest i was cold for not sharing his concern. I couldnt be concerned with them cause I was too busy wondering why he couldnt be bothered to be "concerned" over me, his own girlfriend who was getting more unhappy by the second.(and over our one-sided relationship that was sinking)

What i dont understand too, is why so many times ive have so much empathy for abusive partners, of all the people.And then some people that are good to me--i feel like I treat them somewhat how my past abusers treated me....

Arwen1's picture

if you grew up with abuse you

January 28, 2012 - 1:09am — Arwen1 (not verified)

if you grew up with abuse you may have tried to be empathetic to those abusers in an attempt to get love that they were of course not giving you. I have done the same my whole life. If you have a moment can you read a great, great article? I think it will help you a lot right now. xxx Arwen

http://drjoecarver.makeswebsites.com/clients/49355/File/love_and_stockho...

ichooselife's picture

My main point is, i see inconsistancies in my caring.....

January 27, 2012 - 8:52pm — ichooselife

I dont want to try and talk with anyone i know (in person) about this because im scared enough about it that im afraid i'll start crying.

Can anyone expain to me why, for an example, that I can feel hurt and touched when i found out the other day that my neighbor lost her mom (dont even know my neighbor that well), but on the other hand why i could feel blank when i see a nice guy get hit over the head repeatedly and almost killed by a 2by 4? Or how the same heart that breaks for a suffering dog could be so blank toward a long time friend?

Arwen1's picture

In both situations where you

January 28, 2012 - 12:30am — Arwen1 (not verified)

In both situations where you describe not feeling anything, you are describing events towards people that you are very close to (not sure about the nice guy being hit over the head with a 2 x 4?). In the other events you described being extremely in touch with your empathy and sadness when you were told about a person and a dog that you DON'T know. Sometimes, when we are close to someone or something, and they are hurt and it is out of our control, we become numb as a means of self-protection. The pain of losing that person we know so well can become overwhelming and it is a way we sometimes deal with that kind of trauma. It's much easier to empathize with people and animals we don't know because we don't have to worry about dealing with the feelings that will come up since they don't belong to us personally. Your question is a good one, though, because narcisissim does have its roots in fear of losing people close to you whether by death, insanity, rejection, so many things that happened to the narcissist as a baby so they say in the literature. But these traits also belong to other sufferers of trauma who are not narcissists. Many abused people or those who suffer from PTSD become numb to trauma, or just numb period. That's a bad place to be in. The fact that you are crying over this and so aware of it would lead me to believe that you don't suffer from narcissism, but I think it's really important that you talk to a professional therapist about all of the stuff you're going through. Keep talking about it here though. Most of us are abuse and/or trauma survivors and a lot of us have felt numb. Is your story up? Would love to know more about what your life has been like. xxx Arwen