Needed to get this out....

Needed to get this out....
Posted January 27, 2012 - 7:28pm
0

Hi
I am building up to sharing my story as I feel like a fool, being here on this site is opening up a lot of memories good and bad that I know need to be processed so its helping... During work today I remembered something he said after a very nasty text battle of the most horrendous things being said , I gave as good as I got that day I admit as I was heartbroken yet tired of it all ... Later that evening he rang and I answered stupidly I now know and said the words I believe only an abuser would..."why do you make me do it to you " .... It was like someone had thrown a bucket of ice over me and things changed from then when I think back....

Urrgghhhh can't believe I ever loved such a vile person!

23 Days of NC so far and no wish to break it !

Thanks for listening xx

‹ It never rains.... A letter that my ex N wrote to his mother...make of it what you will!! ›
Jar of hearts's picture

Sorry

January 29, 2012 - 11:01am — Jar of hearts

For not replying sooner my PC is down so using my phone which isnt always playing nice :-(

Thank you for your support, I started getting it all out last year when I had 16 weeks of CAT but mostly focused on my childhood rather than process what he did to me so guess in that sense i
Relatively new to the path forward.

Xx

juliamarie's picture

Congrats!

January 27, 2012 - 11:13pm — juliamarie

You sound like you are headed in the right direction. Part of the process is remembering all the vile and horrible things these people said and did to us. It's painful, but necessary.

Do yourself a huge favor and write them down as they come to you. It will help you when you start having selective amnesia later on....or when he tries to hoover you back in. It's imperative that you have a list of things that remind you that you no longer want any part of this relationship and abuse.

Be gentle with yourself...it's a bit of a roller coaster ride. You will feel strong some days...weak and vulnerable others. Just buckle up and go with it. You sound like a strong, amazing person, and you'll make it through to the other side.

drcrnp's picture

Uncovering memories and then

January 27, 2012 - 9:13pm — drcrnp

Uncovering memories and then processing them is necessary and often painful work. I found that after the pain came strength and a renewed sense that I am doing the right thing by maintaining NC and moving on with my life. Every hour of NC is a wonderful achievement.

needing2know's picture

Great job on your 23 days!!!

January 27, 2012 - 7:44pm — needing2know

Great job on your 23 days!!! The more you stay NC the more you are going to start to remember things , both good and bad, some of the good will make you re think things and want to make contact, when that happens remember the bad and stop yourself and don't let it consume you to the point of making contact, it is true when they say it gets worse it really does! Your doing good let the thoughts come and deal with them head on, vent, cry , get mad just get it out and you will feel better as they pass.It's time we live for US! Stay strong and keep moving forward your doing great!!!