The intense attraction may have been a tip off now that I look back. when it's that INTENSE I think u need to step back and exam a little. That and his calculating gazes always made me weary...

I still feel bad that I turned my head to his online activities because i was busy with our children, and couldn't indulge his sexual preferences like he wanted/when he wanted. I sensed my gut more strongly in the very end that I was done with him, sitting with the Pastor felt I would divorce him and our life was over I knew this internally a strong feeling of certainty the next day I found the attorney.

Yes. I've learned a very valuable lesson from this -- don't ignore my instincts!

my N asked me if i had a "gut feeling" about him interestingly and i turned the question around on him. he said he had a "good feeling" about me and "saw a future with me" and "had done a lot of positive visualizations for t future" *rolling my eyes*

my gut told me when i met him that he was "the one" then my gut told me i had to "be perfect" and basically cater to him and elevate him in order to make him happy. walking on eggshells from day 1.

after four months i was exhausted and was not getting 20% back of what i was putting in.

YES
In under 48 hours of having met this nh.
i hated his parents
feared his folks
was sooooooo edgy in his presence

told my folks i wanted this wedding cancelled...but nobody heeded me...they said i must be plain nervous...but I KNEW there was something VERY wrong with this man.

anyway........history now
and I am stuck with a narc...dunno when i can live free.

I lost 25 pounds during the first two months and I wasn't heavy to being with. Anything I ate stayed in me for less than two hours and I was so stressed I didn't know what to do. My entire body was on high alert but, I DID NOT LISTEN to my intuition. I thought I had finally met the perfect man...HA ha ha ha ha ha.

I was so screwed up...I could not make the connection between his bad behavior (swinging his dick around the streets of SF, for example)and the fact he was a successful and self made millionaire. It was shocking and at the same time fascinating in terms of the absurd. In my twisted little mind, only low lifes did those things and I wanted to find out what the hell I was dealing with.

Curiousity almost killed the cat, literally.

I felt from day one that he was a player and cheater. I asked if he cheated on his last wife and he SMILED an ugly cheese and noded his head. His phone was always going off and each time it did, another ugly cheese.

Another flag...never w/o his Patron. He was a heavy drinker and I started drinking the stuff when I was around him. I didn't even drink hard liquor before I met him.

I could go on and on and on but at this point, I need to let it all go. I got played and emotionally raped by a selfish sadistic SOB who knew what he was doing from day one.

My gut screamed at me almost from Day 1. I just can't say what made me ignore it!
Now I use what I have learned from this forum and many, many books that I have read, and there is a strict checklist to evaluate guys. Well, there was, I should say, as I met a good man (NOT on the internet) who passes every test with flying colors so far (and I'm still watching). But I remember all these strange, creepy feelings, alarm bells that I refused to hear. One time, the N said "oh I love you so much I'm just going to cry" and then did cry, or, water came from his eyes but I remember watching him and feeling like I was watching a very poor actor - it was, for me, so uncomfortable and unnatural, so FALSE. (The only time that man will ever cry and mean it will be when his dog dies. I love her too, and that has been the hardest thing for me - losing the dog.) But I was so often puzzled, flummoxed, just completely confused yet I forged ahead. A shadow of doubt is a doubt!

But also there are so many other things to be careful of too...I would stay away from on line dating altogether, don't try to force anything, let it happen as naturally as possible. Also just be careful for the real intelligent ones, or the very cunning ones, those are the ones you need to watch for. The minute you get that feeling, take a big step back, don't see him and then you will see it objectively and you will see a different perspective with your eyes wide open. The thing about his is we all start out strong and because we don't pull back, they start to break us down and eventually we cave. Best of luck.

Yes since day one. I was very naive and believed everyone was a good person deep down inside. I will never ever ignore my gut instinct.

I think if you give yourself enough time to heal and be on your own (to trully love yourself) you will be ok.

If you're still questioning wether you'll be able to see and avoid red flags I would recommend you put off dating for a while longer.

I know I never want to make the same mistake again. I realized I allowed this person to break me because I have deep rooted issues (self estee, boundaries, self love and until I fix these issues I won't be able to make smart choices when it comes to dating.

Your gut never lies. Trust it from here on out.......your heart and head will mess with you, because you have ways of controlling them. Not your gut.......

Gut instincts are animal instincts and needed for survival.

We all ignored the red flags, thats why we are in the situations that we are. Learn to trust your gut. :)

I always thought to myself in the beginning, "It shouldnt be this hard!!" And Im not talking about whats hanging between his legs.......

Our relationship (him) always seemed like such a struggle...in the beginning it should be the honeymoon phase...it was as if we were married for 40 years....boring...unaffectionate, unless he wanted his way with me, .....and WOW...I stayed in it for a year and a half.....

I shouldve listened to my gut...
All relationships take work, but the beginning should be like floating on a cloud..my cloud never drifted too far but it was enough to keep me going back for more....

Thanks for all the input! I guess I'm just a little scared that I'll misjudge someone again and end up right back in this situation again. :-/

Hopefully I'm a little wiser this time around!

Your gut is always right. My gut had bells ringing and I thought I would just tread cautiously and see if it was true. Too late, I fell into the trap. My gut is my relationship Bible from now on.

He would do things that were just strange, and I thought to myself "what the hell is wrong with this guy" My mom and my brothers warned me that he was a control freak and he would use and hurt me. they only met him one time in the beginning when they said this, the more they seen him (never talked to him) the more they "seen" , now that he is gone even my own kids have told me he always tried to isolate me I Asked them what they meant because I never felt that way, they said if I wasn't in the same room he would give them all such dirty looks and make them feel so uneasy they would just leave the room. Now that he is gone I "see" how much they really stayed out of the house or in their rooms when he was around. He talked very badly about his ex wives and how they were crazy and controlling , talks about how he could "kill" his sec ex wife and just do 5 yrs for it! (ex cop and prison guard) His biggest thing he didn't like was when his kids started pulling away from him, he would always tell me "I'm losing my kids" But yes there were so many red flags that I just dismissed because I thought he just had bad females in his relationship, but guess what IT WAS HIM!!! And i fully understand why his exw is the way she is, he did it to her!!

My gut instinct was visible from space. But they find you when you're vulnerable, you believe the pity party stories, are bewildered, befuddled, and dazed by all the verbal linguistics and the full-on Don Juan routine. Next thing we wake up in the padded cell with the straitjacket on.

I'm not going to rush back in to dating - have decided to take a year away to heal and learn to become my own solid foundation in life. Many of us were probably aware of something being off but didn't act on our instincts until too late. With our experiences/knowledge/tools now we will hopefully be more attuned/aware, analyze all more effectively, and not engage with someone who seems in any way off or leave immediately the sirens sound.