Stephanie's Story

I'm not sure where to begin. The story is so long and embarassing.

I met my husband, er, Narc, 14 years ago. I was a single mom to a 1 1/2 year old little boy. I had gotten pregnant with my high school/college sweetheart and the relationship ended as soon as our son was born. It was an abusive relationship and I had been by myself for that year and a half. I was pretty happy. Then I met him.

It was a blind date. We talked a bunch of times on the phone and I remember thinking that we had so much in common. I couldn't wait to meet him. We went out to dinner and after I said, wow, that's the man I'm going to marry. He said all the right things.

We got serious pretty quickly. He called everyday (red flag I know now). He said that he was a recovering alcoholic that hadn't had a drink in 7 years. He worked for his father in a family business. He lived with just a roomate, all good things. We saw a lot of eachother. I introduced him to my son too soon. He was so good with him. They got along so well and my son would look forward to him coming over. The first few months were great.

Then began the next period of my life that I am ashamed of.
He needed a new television. I bought it for him. We saw eachother almost everyday, my son was bonding with him, but, he didn't like "labels", meaning he didn't want me to call him my boyfriend and I wasn't his girlfriend. Labels weren't his thing.

He said he had been going to AA before he met me. As soon as he met me, he never went to another meeting again. One night he stayed over and I initiated sex. He didn't want sex. I said, please? You would have thought I was forcing him. He jumped out of my bed and said "leave me the F*&k alone, I'm leaving" He left in the middle of the night because I wanted to have sex and I guess I had the nerve to ask him. I was devestated. I cried and cried. Most women would have never spoken to him again. Not me! I called and begged and apologized and pleaded. Yup, I convinced to him to forgive me and he of course apologized for the way he acted. He just wasn't used to having a unlabled girlfriend. (Another red flag, he was 29 and had never had a serious relationship).

So the relationship continued. He stopped paying for anything. After about 6 months, when his roomate moved out to get married, he let me come over his house. Yes, let me. One day, I was there alone, I forget why exactly, but I looked in one of his drawers. There was a notebook FILLED with the online screennames of over 100 women. I thought maybe it was left over, but being the smart cookie that I am, I logged on to his email. He had his password written in the notebook. I pretended I was him and yes, he had been talking to so many women. I asked if he asked to meet them. They all said he begged to meet them. I'm not a big girl and they were all BBW's (big beautiful woman). He wanted to be dominated by a larger woman. He spent hours apparently on the computer chasing this fantasy. I confronted him and he of course blamed me for snooping. I said do you want me or them? He said me. I brought it up again a few weeks later, because it had been so hurtful, he said "That's it, I'm done, I'm not going to listen to you anymore, get out." So we broke up.

Why oh why didn't I stay away? Why? I was heartbroken, devestated. I went through the motions. I went to work, took care of my son and cried everyday. He never called. Finally after a month, I broke down. I called him. He wanted to see me and my son again.

We go visit. He says if the phone rings and a girl leaves a message, it's just a girl from a long time ago, don't worry about it. We pick up the relationship stronger than before.

He says this is the longest relationship he has ever been in. I say why? He says because I'm the only that has ever put up with him. One night he tells me he loves me. I have been waiting and waiting for this validation. He loves me! I made him love me! That was the first of the 4 times in our relationship that he has told me he loved me.

I own a condo (outright) about 40 minutes away from where he lives. He says it is too far away. I rent a house two minutes from his, but 40 minutes away from my work and my friends and my family. His lease will be up at the end of my lease. We should buy a house? I've used all my savings to rent a house while still owning a condo, but of course! He wants to buy a house with me! Now, I own this lovely large condo outright, no mortgage. I say, why don't we move there? It's basically free. We would have a good life. Nope, he says, too far away from his work. Now, he travels all over the state, but his "office" is too far away. So okay, I'll sell my place.

Now let's back up a little. We are looking for a house. I'm 23 years old. My mom had died when I was 16. My dad was diagnosed with actual NPD. He stole my identity when I was 18 and charged up over 60K in credit card bills in my name. I couldn't get a mortgage, I couldn't even be on the mortgage. I gave my N the down payment for the house. I sold my car and got a cheaper one, I gave him my security deposit for my house that I had been renting. He refused to put my name on the deed. I said that he was acting like it was only his house. He said, yup, that's how he felt. It was his credit that got the mortgage, so it was his house, AND his bed is only full size, sooo, my son and I need to get bunk beds because I can't sleep with him. I have to share a room with my son. I AGREED TO THIS. I did. I slept on the top bunk in my son's room after we moved in.

I had never met his family. His mom left them when he was 4 and he worked for his dad, but he never introduced me. Ever. When we finally moved into to "his" house, he told his dad we were roomates. It wasn't until I got pregnant that we were a couple.

I did get pregnant. I think on purpose. I wanted him to love me. It was a terrible thing to do. He wanted me to have a abortion. I didn't want to, but I made an appointment. The day before, he said, never mind. We should have the baby. Thank god, because I have another wonderful son.

He never helped around the house or with the kids. He never got up at night. He never gave a bath. The only thing that ever mattered to him was himself and his comfort level. I remember him yelling at me a lot. I was lazy, I was dumb, I didn't do anything right.

We needed to buy a bigger house. Ours was just too small for 2 kids. This time, we needed me on the mortgage so yes, I was able to have my name on the house. He had no choice.

I now had a new house, a six month old baby and a 5 year old. I was also living with a miserable person. I was in therapy for the abuse. He hated that I went to therapy. I might realize I'm being abused! He told me he wanted to try for another baby. Oh I said okay, and yes, the first time we tried I got pregnant. My son was 8 months old.

My therapist said "DO NOT HAVE ANOTHER BABY WITH THIS MAN" She said she doesn't usual say such strong things, but she did. She said if I had another baby with him, she would have to stop being my therapist. I thought another baby would help. Hahahahahahahahaha..... My therapist left me.

Wow, this had made me tired. I will have to do part II later. It gets worse.