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saphire1's story

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#1 Jan 16 - 5PM
saphire1
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saphire1's story

soul searching

I joined this site a few weeks ago because I just ended the most horrible relationship of my life with a narc! what I cant believe is I didnt know this about him until after I stopped contact with him and reflected on the entire thing.I honestly thought he loved me, now looking back it was all a lie and Im wondering how did I let this happen?my story is very similar to others I have been reading about here. It has really helped me knowing Im not alone. I met him on line he was charming good looking extremely romantic. I fell for the whole scam. Married him 3 months after meeting him. Thats when the ugliness started. What makes me sick is that I allowed him to completely use and mistreat me in front of my kids. I have hated myself for that. I am independent successful and intelligent.How did this monster find me? Well I have been trying to find myself again, I had to change my number to get rid of him he stalked me for 2 years after I divorced him. It all ended only 2 months ago and he is already engaged after telling me he will never get over me.I feel so compelled to warn her about him, but I have read the blogs on here and I understand that would be wrong. I just feel there must have been some reason I had to experience this.It makes me sick how people think how wonderful he is.I will leave it in God's hands and sincerely hope he doesnt damage this new womans life like he damged mine. When I saw her I felt like I saw myself, like omg he is doing it all over again to someone else. I just wish I could do something about it. He really is a monster in a disguise. The best disguise I ever saw and Im not easily fooled. Its scary knowing how many of them like him are out there. I will never be the same. It has been so hard trying to forget all of it, its in my head constantly. Everything around me is a constant reminder, I feel tormented. I am normally a very strong person too. I am so worried I will never be able to trust anyone again. I really dont have anyone to talk to about him because what he did to me, I am too ashamed to talk about.I am really glad I can at least express my feelings here.

Jan 16 - 6PM
Sparrow
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sapphire, I am so sorry.

sapphire, I am so sorry. Knowing that you aren't alone though, is helpful. I am glad you found this site. Have you been reading about NPD? Learning that what he did to you is NOT your fault. You should never be ashamed to talk about what he did to you. At least not here. In the outside world, people may not understand, you mentioned how they all think he is wonderful. Unfortunately, they will continue to feel that way, and even if you produced a major "smear" campagne, unfortunately, their minds would not change. The reason being, he has everyone duped. There isn't a single person in his world that will see him as anything different, if so, he will disgard them as wel. They won't realize what he is however, because they are not close enough to him, in other words, they are not in a "love relationship" with him, and will not have the need or desire to "research" what is wrong with him. They will move it along, for the most part. Let go of the feelings you are having about how he is viewed. It is irrelevant to you healing. It doesn't matter at all. What matters is how you view him, and more importantly, how you view yourself. You are what is important now, you and your recovery. "How did I let this happen" you ask? Easy...............you loved someone unconditionally, for better and for worse, in sickness and in health. You accepted his short comings. That's what one who truly loves and respects someone does. Unfortunately, he was disordered and you were duped. It has happened to many and will continue to happen throughout time. It is very sad situation, but you will come out of this ok, and this will never happen to you as long as you take the necessary steps through recovery. Stay strong and know that you are not, and never will be alone. Stay close to the forum, you are among friends here. :)l
Jan 16 - 6PM
Dee30
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I'm new here too

I know how hard it is when you realize you were with a monster. Just continue reading about NPD. understand they are disordered individuals. Please do not bother warning the OW about him just because I doubt she believe you now, you will come across as the jealous, crazy one anyways. Unfortunately, she will find out in time herself. Get into therapy if need be. They are monsters and your range of emotions are normal after dealing with a narc.. Concentrate on healing you. Leave him to be. Good luck to me and you on our journey of healing..
Jan 16 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
Sparrow
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Very good advice Dee!

Very good advice Dee! Couldn't have said it better myself!
Jan 17 - 5AM (Reply to #3)
saphire1
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Thank you for the advice I

Thank you for the advice I have been reading about npd constantly and bought both of lisas books. I haven't gone to therapy so far but will consider it if I can't get past these feelings I keep having. I know one thing I won't let this happen to me again!