Hi everyone. I just want to say that I really appreciate this website and everyone here as it is good to know other people have exprienced similar experiences to what I've been through. Thank you.
I've been a member for some time but this is the first time I've had the nerve to post my story.
I met "JP" in 2003. He owns a vending company and he came to my work to "survey" our account. I was the Office Manager and his contact. I was a divorced mom of two daughters. At the time, I was very happy working full time and taking care of my girls and just spending time with family and friends so I wasn't even looking for someone to be in my life. However, I felt an immediate attraction to this man and he made it clear that he felt the same way. Once his "survey" was done, he asked for my business card and then requested that I put my personal information on the back in case he wanted to contact me outside of work.
Fast forward, this man swept me off my feet! He was the prince I had always dreamed of meeting. Nice dinners, opening doors for me, intense conversations, fun times - it was all so perfect. For the first time in my life, I was thanking God for bringing to me the man I had dreamt about and hoped for all my life. When my girls met him, he was so perfect and so nice to them that I thought THIS IS IT!! My girls at the time were 11 and 8 years old and I was very careful to who I introduced them. But with JP, I felt it was meant to be.
JP and I married in 2005. I was the happiest woman in the world. I couldn't believe how much I loved him and how good I had it! We had a really fun time and a great party with 50 close family and friends. I was on Cloud Nine.
After a brief trip with my two daughters, we went back to our "normal" lives (other than us moving in with him) and looked forward to an elaborate one-week vacation/honeymoon we planned a couple of months later.
Our honeymoon was to be my first AHA moment and boy was it an eye opener. We were at an all-inclusive beautiful resort and we were having a ball, besides the fact that JP couldn't help but complain about all the "poor" areas around us and how he didn't feel comfortable being there. On one of our days there, we were enjoying the beautiful weather and I feel asleep in the sun. When I woke up, JP was having a ball talking with a man and his son. The three of them had been drinking and enjoying each other's company. I woke up and started engaging in conversation with all of them. We were all just having a good time, enjoying the beautiful weather. JP got up abruptly and said he was going for more beer. Well, I talked with the man and his son for about 1 1/2 hours more and then realized, I lost my husband! JP never returned. I went to look for him and couldn't find him anywhere on the resort. I finally went back up to our room and all hell broke loose. He was up there drinking by himself and when I told him I had been looking all over for him, he accused me of being a whore. He started screaming at me that I was just a bitch and a whore like everyone else he had known in his life. I was speechless! I was just being nice to these people he had befriended and here I was on my honeymoon being accused of being a whore! This was the first indication that something was just not right.
However, for the most part our first few years together were happy (or at least I've forgotten about any incidences that happened during that time period). However, long about the third year together many things started happening. JP started getting very restless as if nothing was good enough and nothing could make him happy. He started getting very secretive. One day he came home and told me that he wanted to buy a motorcycle. I was all for anything that would make him happy so I readily agreed. This would be the beginning of the end for us. Initially, JP would get on his motorcyle and ride but soon he just started riding his motorcyle up to the bar and back.
My girls were starting to get older. They were starting to become young women (teenage years) and this was too much for JP to handle. I started taking my cell phone to bed with me so either one could call if there was an emergency. Once, my youngest daughter called at 12:15 a.m. on a Friday night to let me know she wouldn't be home by curfew because she was staying the night at a friend's house. JP had a fit! How dare my daughter call me and disturb his sleep! He proceeded to put on every light and TV in the house and started screaming, "how do you like your sleep disturbed!!" He then, unknown to me, left my daughter a voicemail telling her that she was a spoiled brat and to never deprive him of sleep again. He then took it one step further and, three days later, while I was at work, he put the vaccuum cleaner on at 7:30 a.m. in the morning outside my daughter's room and then left the house. He got his revenge. My daughter was terrified.
My kids and I were constanly told how we didn't respect him and his home. He was looking for respect and was very disturbed when he felt he didn't get it. I couldn't EVER set the snooze alarm and I had become conditioned to jump up whenever the alarm came on and turn it off right away. Sometimes that still wasn't enough. I heard many times how the alarm going off disturbed his sleep and how he was "deprived" of sleep and how it was all my fault. This was from a man who owned his own business and worked about 6 hours a day.
The above examples are only a small percentage of what I went through with JP. I moved out in May of 2011. I realize now that he projected everything he was onto me - I was manipulative because what I said wasn't what I meant - he knew exactly what I was thinking when I talked. I was SO messed up; as a woman and as a wife. I really thought I was so f**ed up and it was all me and the girls. Actually, I believe my girls saved my life. They took a stance and said, "it's us or him". They knew that our relationship wasn't healthy. I thank them silently every day.
Since I've been out, I realize that my prnce charming was actually a very disturbed individual. It has not been easy. These people soul rape other people. I started off my relationship with this man as an independent, intelligent and happy woman. He reduced me to a bumbling mess. I remember driving to work and actually thinking of driving through a red light and ending it all. OMG!
I'm sorry this is so long and believe me, it's not even half of the abuse my girls and endured. I have a hundred more stories than I shared. But the bottom line is, I now know, thanks to Lisa's website, that I was in love with a Narcissist. My final divorce court date is on Valentine's Day. I can't wait to finally be free from the craziness.
Thanks to all of you for a forum that helps me understand and realize that I'm not alone!!