What seems increasingly clear, especially after 18 days of NC and constantly reading this blog, is how similar these Narcs are. They think they are so unique and special. But they are all cut from the same cloth and they behave in such predictable ways.
They hook us with the promise of a beautiful and meaningful romance, but then pull away from us physically, emotionally, sexually, etc. They D&D us using the same types of techniques. They use the same tricks to make us doubt ourselves and destroy our confidence. They try the same hoover tactics when their NS runs low.
When they have so many similarities, it kind of makes you wonder: why do they think they are so special? Why do we cry our eyes out over losing people who are so predicably hateful? There is nothing unique about them at all.
How can I miss a man who took me for granted, cheated on me, lied about it, then refused to speak to me at all when I realized what was happening? He treated me with such hatred when I was crying, begging him to talk to me. When I told him how much I loved him, he was so cold. The one time I got to see him after the D&D, there was so much contempt in his face for me. Mind you, only 2 weeks earlier, he had talked about marrying me!
Guess it's true that the longer you are away from a Narc, and the more you learn about their Narc ways, the better you can see them for what they are: Nothing but common users - empty shells - and definitely NOT worth the tears we shed for them. When they know you see them for what they are, boy can their "love" turn into hate fast!
Thanks to all the amazing women on this blog: without your shared experiences and encouragement, I would still be SPINNING and be so miserable, longing for him. Wishing we could "fix" the relationship. Blaming myself for not being a better girlfriend.
I'm still sad from time to time, but it's not about HIM. It's me getting over the loss of a relationship; facing my fears of being alone; and recovering from the pain he inflicted with such harsh tactics.
Miraculously, however, it seems even the DEEPEST of cuts can heal. I'm actually having a pretty good day today thinking of these things. That would not have been possible without this blog. Hugs to you all.