CasperJ's Story

Work Situation with N - could have a problem!!

Hi everyone, I am new here and I would be extremely grateful for any advice in the situation I have found myself in recently and simply don't know what or if there is anything I can do.

My storey is identical to many that I have read on this fab site except in my case it is the girl doing it to the guy!!

Basically, I became close to a girl at work around 3 years ago and the rest is probably history. For around 6 months and just when I would have said things were good, N did the 'Silent Treatment' which of course I didn't understand at the time. I am def an Empath but do not generally allow myself to be disrespected. I made the usual attempts to try and get past this and we slipped back and forth between ok and me hating her what she continued to do.

I think the good news from my point of view, if there really is any!! is that I just decided to withdraw after about 10 months from meeting her and have been no contact with the exception of some minor hoovering which of course I sucumbed to but quickly got back on track when the games started. At that time I had no knowledge of PD's.

During this time she has managed to turn 3 of my colleagues against me or certainly they are now different towards me. I believe she has deliberatly dsitorted things or simply lied, in fact I know this.

Over the last 18 months there has not been a single days peace in the office, the usual mind games to the point that I think from the moment she arrives at 9.00 she is always thinking or planning anything that will upset me. She knows which buttons to press and in general other than on one occassion this week, I have not reacted.

Here's the problem - we had our Xmas Party last Friday and she approached me saying she wanted to talk. Like a true idiot I agreed and kept the conversation friendly. I left that evening not thinking anymore about it and she seemed so geniune that she would like to be friends again but something wasn't right and boy can I now see what a set up it was!

9.00 monday morning one of her friends, used to be mine, came in shouting across the office that I had been cruel and degrading towards her because apparently I had said to her that she would need to show me over a period of time that she really wanted that as most if not all trust has already been lost. Yes, I said this to her in a very nice friendly way.

But heres the thing - her friend had come over at the end and when N saw her she pulled on my arm and kept saying please give me a hug and be my friend several times. I did pull my arm away saying no it will take time, again completely friendly even laughing about it.

I have spoken to the Directors who have told me I will need to follow the grievance procedures etc, etc. In the meantime I know that her 'little circle' of girls will pull together on this and also...surprise, surprised she has recently gotten close to one of the Directors, spotted them cuddling in the Car Park!

This is a real situation for me now and I really don't know what to do. I feel this has even created a question mark with my friends and other colleagues, I can feel it in the office.

I am so sorry to rant on like this on my first storey here but this has now been going on for too long and I am at the end and any advice on what I can do would really be appreciated.