Bye XN

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#1 Dec 14 - 8AM
Anonymus
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Bye XN

I’ve hardly kept 1 month NC, and I know that probably this isn’t that much for making this letter, but I really don’t want to drag this on to 2012, so here goes.

Before I met you, XN, I always thought I would always be a bachelorette and didn’t want to marry, not because I thought of it as wrong, but because I didn’t want to engage in what society presents as the means of a happy life and wanted to discover other happiness equations. Then you came into my life, and we danced together very well. I never thought and never knew the power of letting oneself go to the one you love and surrender to it with everything it comes. Didn’t even know the courage it took, and I was scared shitless because I didn’t own my heart anymore and gave it away for you to do as you pleased. I’m no poet, but there’s a song called rolling in the deep, and that’s just what you did; you played my heart to the beat.
Even though being with you was difficult, demanding and painful 90% of the time, I want to thank you. You showed me the extent to which I could love and saw myself as I truly am; a kind, warm and loyal woman who stuck by her principles with outstanding ferocity. I saw that the equation I thought would never apply to me, wasn’t so “off”, and showed me numerous possibilities for happiness. With you, I saw the power of my own vulnerability. You let me see how valuable I am, just because you never seemed to value me nor valued anything I stood for.
I wish I could have been the one that made something inside you click for your recovery, but I don’t think that’s my task in this lifetime. Please know and carry with you the love I gave you, because when the time comes and you see your life, you can know for sure that at least one person loved you for you; not your titles nor your rent ability nor your ability to achieve. As you gave me this challenge for growth, I gave you love. So now I let you go knowing I gave everything I have to give, celebrating my renewed character and appreciating your gift to me of genuinely caring for myself first.

Good bye, and thank you for coming into my life,

C

Dec 20 - 9AM
marigold
marigold's picture

"I wish I could have been the

"I wish I could have been the one that made something inside you click for your recovery, but I don’t think that’s my task in this lifetime." Why do we all want to do this. I know I wished I could have been the one to make him see what he was doing.
Dec 20 - 5AM
NarcJunkie
NarcJunkie's picture

Such a beautiful letter, Anonymous :)

It's true, with their childish ways and cruel behaviour they make us realize how strong we are and how vulnerable and how truly loving. They force us to see our own beauty. Deep down inside I suppose I am grateful for that lesson... but I would still like to see his ass kicked. ;)
Dec 14 - 9AM
Hunter
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This is excellent.. Post on

This is excellent.. Post on the refrigerator ..it's a proud moment and a reminder . Hunter
Dec 14 - 9AM (Reply to #4)
Anonymus
Anonymus's picture

Thanks Hunter!! By the way

Thanks Hunter!! By the way LMAO on the gift suggestion for Narcs!!!
Dec 14 - 9AM
Sparrow
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Beautifully written. And so

Beautifully written. And so very true. They are a gift, sent to us for a reason. We don't always know what the reason is, or discover it to its fullest, but there is a hidden treasure in the experience for sure. It remains to be seen by those in the beginning of their journey, because we are full of hurt, anquish, betrayal, and anger.....but once that subsides, and you learn more and more about yourself because of this experience, it all makes perfect sense. Some times life is unfair, and we often ask ourselves "why me". But 9 out of 10 times, we discover the answers and are satisfied with them in the end. Same with this experience...........you will see. :)
Dec 14 - 9AM (Reply to #2)
Anonymus
Anonymus's picture

Thank you for your words and

Thank you for your words and wisdom Sparrow, I'm feeling soft and mushy inside after letting it out. Hope it helps!! XXX C