cindy222's story

6 posts / 0 new

#1 Dec 3 - 7PM

cindy222

cindy222's story

I'll try to make it short.
Bascially, I was verbally abused while I was fighting for my life of a serious illness.

At first everything was fine, but then one night he told me he was going to visit his brothers place, when the truth was, he was going to a dating site party.

From that night... he took another woman out for dinner, weekely, and went to concerts with her, but told me firmly that she was just a friend and he needed someone to talk to.

Then he would take other woman for a walk along the beach, ( and tell me about it) but again, just as a friend to talk to and say nice things to.....hmmm...

Blah, blah, blah.

To shorten the story, the house was sold, and he was gone.
6 months later, I recieve a very nice email.
He wanted to meet up and talk, and reminded me of what a great relationship we once had.

That email was 8 months ago.

Now.......hmmmmm...every now and then I question my decision of kickin him out and selling the house.
Why, you may ask.

I wonder to myself if I was too hard on him, consider the circumstances of my health.
I did give him the benefit of the doubt, thousands of times, and my friends tell me they know of no other woman who would have given him so many chances as I did, but why I question is this.

Why would he plead to meet up with me after all this time, when our dream home is sold and it cost us both dearly.
I think to myself that maybe he does still loves me, because why bother with me when the house is gone and the words spoken were terrible horrendeous.????

I hope someone out there can put my mind at ease.

Yes my gut is saying I have done the right thing, but I keep on questioning myself, since that email.

Thanks

#2 Dec 4 - 10AM

KittyRising

Stand Still...

"For Better or Worst" "For Richer or Poorer" "In Sickness and in Health" "Till Death do Us Part"... My perception is that when you needed your N at one of the lowest periods of your life he was not capable (or chose) not to be there for you. Now that you are stronger and proven to the world (and him) that you do not need him? What is love? "Love is kind." "Love does not boast." "Love endures all." In my life it's a little thing called character. We are not taught to love ourselves but as women our culture has taught us to "support our man". My advice is to take those walks that he took with this woman when you needed HIM by yourself for a bit. Find your inner voice again. Trust your instincts. Here's a poem for you: "Standstill, the trees ahead and the bushes beside you Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here, And you must treat it as a powerful stranger, Must ask permission to know it and be known. The forest breathes. Listen. It answers, I have made this place around you. If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here. No two trees are the same to Raven. No two branches the same to Wren. If what a tree or a branch does is lost on you, You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows Where you are. You must let it find you." David Whyte

#3 Dec 4 - 1AM

Im_always_fine

I'm getting rid of my mine

I'm getting rid of my mine BEFORE I end up sick from being worn out. I feel strongly that physical illness is a manifestation of deeper spiritual/emotional pain and issues. I know instinctively that if I do not release myself from his psychic drain that I will develop a life threatening illness. If not then from the toxic suffocating loathing I feel for him. Early on I realized that I couldn't be candid with him. As I began to weigh my words...and then as he began to talk OVER me non stop and I quit talking all together...I lost my voice...literally....I got laryngitis. Then I developed hypothyroidism. I was speaking to an acquaintance who was a naturopath about my thyroid. Without knowing my circumstances he said," You've lost your voice...there is some area of your life that you are not speaking your truth." I was gobsmacked. I HAD been constantly stifling myself. So since it wasn't safe to be truthful with him. I used my walks in the woods to speak and even scream everything I'd been holding in. I must say I feel so much better!!!! My thyroid is back to normal. I ask you before you second guess your choices....seriously consider why you were ill in the first place. You can look up you illness in Lois Hay's book You Can Heal Your Life. I suspect that your relationship with your X was poisonous. I don't know many people who can survive being poisoned.

#4 Dec 3 - 8PM

Done sourcing

I will attempt to reason this

I will attempt to reason this out with you. I know I don't have all the particulars... you were really sick and his response was to find other women to have dinner with and walk on the beach with. From my perspective it sounds as if in your time of need for support and compassion, he bailed out and thought more of himself than of your importance to him. I don't know it from the inside, but that is what it looks like. What was so great about the rs that you miss? Did he always seem to have your back and want you to have his in a realistic normal way? Was the abuse coming from a place of him projecting his guilt for wandering onto you? Do you want to wake up next to him every day? Do you trust him? I hope this helps. ds

#5 Dec 3 - 8PM (Reply to #2)

heritage

Like what you wrote at the

Like what you wrote at the end ds. Do you want to wake up to him and do you trust him? That is what everyday love should feel like but not with the N. On my second date I asked him what the thin speakers were on the wall and in his den? (He had his entire house gutted and redone and I noticed this tiny built in speakers). he told me they were left by other owners. Turns out they were cameras and he monitored me via his computer in his office when I went to his house during the day. I felt so violated and lost trust in him yet I continued on in the relationship. And of course it just got worse and more worse from there.

#6 Dec 3 - 9PM (Reply to #3)

Done sourcing

I made one-sided compromise

I made one-sided compromise after compromise, and it is no surprise that I gave in to all of her chaos and selfishness by the end of the deal. I had nothing left but lost hope and disillusionment. It happened so slowly, I cannot remember when I crossed the line...and it doesn't matter anymore. I just know it has been a long time since I've wanted to wake up next to her. Knowing that and having been apart for over 18 months works well for me. Not living with an untrusted mate works well for me as well. Single, free, and good to go! I feel like I am finding the guy I gave up in 1996, and I'll take it. ds

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews