Olivia's Story

My story is a long one much as everyone else's that is on this forum. We met and it was spectacular. It was a very slow start, but we got to know each other, I kept some cards off the table because I wasn't quite ready to let go and fall for a guy again. I was 2.5 years out of an abusive marriage but not divorced, it was just a technicality at that point. I didn't have enough money to file and serve my husband and we were each leading different lives, in fact he had several girlfriends soon after I kicked him out. Anyway to get back on track, because I didn't put all my cards out on the table I felt it gave me an advantage to see if he was what I really wanted in a partner. And as far as I could tell he was most of what I wanted and the other things were easy to accept and love no matter what. I made sure I asked all the questions that I wanted answers too. He was leery about answering some but eventually he broke down and answered them, it was shocking about the rawness of some of his answers. That is why I really thought I knew him, the true him.

Okay, so a few hiccups, I was technically married to a guy that beat up my sister, verbally abused me and a few times physically beat me, he was married to a woman 15 years older than him. My first non-filter moment was just a random remark (before any attraction) was "does someone have mommy issues?" That didn't seem to scare him, looking back it seemed to intrigue him and draw him closer. So things started happening, he was talking more to me about personal things, like him trying to leave his wife and move back to Europe, as if he was asking how to muster up the strength, I told him it is hard but if it isn't working you have to do what is best. Boy I was so knowledgeable back then.

He finally decided to leave and was looking for a place. He wanted to go on a date with me and I thought it might be too soon but he convinced me that he was over her for 5 years and just needed help leaving. By that time I was hooked, he is/was so good looking but his personality was so similar to mine and we just clicked. All of his close co-workers encouraged me to go out with him. They were so happy that he was finally happy. He was constantly asking me to marry him, I kept turning him down, I was convinced that I didn't want to get married and ruin what we had. But he never stopped, until one he stopped. Wow this is so painful reliving this experience.

Let me just skip to the relationship taking a change. We got pregnant it was the best time ever, he was so excited. He thought his mother and sister would come from Europe to see the first grandchild/nephew but they didn't, he was so hurt. But as he usually did he filed that away and didn't deal with it. His reasoning was it won't change anything, this is how it has been his whole life.

We moved away from everything, my family, his surrogate American family, and friends to start a new life with our new family. Let me take responsibility where I need too, and this is it, it was my idea to move. My soon-to-be ex- (at the time) had committed suicide (A-W-E-S-O-M-E, called me to tell me he was doing it) and I just needed to take me and my son away, he was game so we left. We were like kids running away, it was good for a while, we had money and a baby and a wonderful 6yr old boy. Life was great. A couple of promises he made but didn't keep was finding a job anywhere to bring in spending money, he didn't want me to work he wanted me to enjoy living and he wanted to provide for his family. Well he didn't get a job anywhere, instead he lived the retired life with me for a while. He started stressing when money started running out. He started saying that you could have gotten a job when you saw me struggling to find a job. Yeah, I guess I could but I was focused on caring for the children. In fact I felt guilty leaving him to care for my child from my marriage. He was a good dad, walk him to school everyday, helped him with his homework, everything. But the stress of not finding a job, running out of money changed him. It was like going to bed with him and waking up with a complete stranger. He started getting abusive towards our family dog, then our oldest son. He finally got a job that would have caused us to move back to the state we left. But I refused to move, it didn't seem like we planned it very well, he moved in the summer to take the job but didn't really try and look for a house for us, free time he came back to visit with us. We still had communication and our relationship seemed to be fine, still told me he loved me and he finally moved back because he didn't want to lose his family.

Once he moved back our relationship went down the tubes. He got a PT job and met a woman at work and started cheating on me, even brought the kids to meet her. Our fight started we finally moved back home with my family, he got a FT job but was still communicating with her. After a 6 months that stopped but I couldn't get over it because he didn't want to talk about it and give me answers to any of my questions. After 2 years he befriended yet another woman at his new work, when I found out I went crazy, of course I still wasn't over the first affair. Now he is living with her and she is still married. He is accusing me of alienating him for his child's life, he just left, no talking about it, he wants nothing to do with our oldest because he says its his and the boy needs to know his place. When he is the only father the boys knows. Funny thing is, the oldest would have taken his side if the roles were reversed.

Sorry this is kind of confusing but I wasn't sure what to actually write and details can get long. When I think about it there were sign everywhere but we seemed to have a chance until the turning point of him getting a job and me not following.