anquilla's story

8 years down the drain

I am 21. I have been in a relationship since I was in high school, with M. I am not sure exactly whether M is a Narc, but sometimes I see all those traits in M. I'm very confused, please tell me whats wrong with me..! My story goes like this ( sorry if its very long).

M and I were very very rock in early 2010. We would fight a lot but we would always come back to each other and apologise. One time, M was unreachable by phone, email you name it for about 3 days. When he returned, he said to me "I dont have any feelings for you at all, I think we should break up". I begged M not to go and I said maybe this is all just a phase, please lets give it a few days time. He said no. So I said okay. In this time I had a male friend. He was consoling me about my whole situation. About 5 days later, M called me and demanded ''how come you havn't called me ??" and I said, well because you broke up with me. A few days went by and my male friend kept consoling me to the point where i started to develop feelings for him and he started to develop feelings for me. I believe this is the sole reason why I was able to step away from M.

Anyways, when M found out about my feelings for my male friend he went crazy and tried every avenue to get me back. I didnt go back. I didnt budge at all! Then a few weeks later, a female friend of M's started to tell me who he is getting engaged and what not and hes living with a girl and I was very surprised. She kept telling me he still loved me but was just trying to fill my space and so he was with her. Anyways, many lies were told about his 'fiance'. Eventually, I realised I still loved M and I went back to M ( but only after he pursued me profusely for months and months).

We officially got back together about October last year. He said he called off the engagement and all that and it was only just me and him. Since then we have had our normal relationship which consists of a great deal of arguments fighting and what not. But I noticed a change. He would always hang up on me when we fought and wouldnt call back for days, and I'd find him on another call a lot of the times. When I questioned it, he said it was some male friend of his. He was always very secretive with his phone and wouldnt let me ever look through. If I ever did look through things would be wiped out and what not.

Anyways, recently, I found out he was cheating on me with this 'fiance' of his for 1.5 years!!! I also found out , all that stuff about her that he told me was complete lies! it was all just fabricated to make me jealous and make me come back to him . He was never ever even engaged, he hadnt ever even seen her face to face because she lives in another city and they met through an online dating website. (by the time i found out all this, he had gone to see her in the city and when he was there he calle dme one night and confessed his UNDYING love for me..he was there to see her though!) (btw he lied to the other girl too, she often asked if i was still in the picture but he would deny it and say no. But she told me he would bring me up a lot ..i dont know why)

anyways, I am very confused. I told him I'll give you 6 months to work yourself out and no contact with me. He says can I speak to the OW and I say no you should try work out who you want. Anyways,I went no contact with him and said if u need to contact me do so through my brother. Since this, he has been calling her NON STOP like 50 times a day and what not. She changed her number twice but he starts to call her house phone and what not. Today, he flew to her city to see her and "see how he really feels for her". While there, I call him to tell him I am no longer waiting for him and he says to me that he loves her and he never loved me for 1.5 years. It broke me . He was/is everything to me .

He even says, not sure if this is true though since he lies so much, that he trusts me more than anyone including her. And i said well u can say that about her too since you;ve been telling us both u love us. He said it wouldnt feel right if he told her that. He also thinks I am a complete guarantee, he told me that he thinks I will never leave him.

Hes gone to express his undying love and get her back. I dont know how to make sense of all this . Any comments are immensely appreciated!!!!!