Bluebunny's Story

My head is still spinning

I'm sorry if this is long, I'm just trying to hopfully gain some insight on the past 3 years with my best friend and worst enemy.
The first year was amazing. He was attentive, kind, loving, there for me day and night and made me feel like a beautiful princess. We had so many great time together...I was in love and supposedly, so was he.
The last 2 years, not so great. He started being distant, mean, having full on mental break down crying fits accusing me of loving to hurt him and telling me he was not good for me, I deserved better than him ect...if I expressed anger over something he did. He started cheating and claiming these girls were "just friends". He would punish me with silent treatments. I started apologizing to him for my reaction to horrible things he had done!
Our sex life became just strange. He would always tell me how beautiful I am and he never lost his physical attraction to me. He always initiated sex, but would apologize profusely for it and get distant for days after and would sleep on the couch for no reason. It was like my touch felt like battery acid during that time.
He was always apologizing for not being good enough for me one minute and treating me like I was a inconvenience the next, would go days without talking to me.
About a month ago, I couldn't take it anymore and left him. He pleaded, apologized, begged me to stay but I couldn't, no matter how much I love him. Keep in mind, we've been through the same song and dance twice. Once we were seperated for 1 month, once for 3. He came back both times.
I have had little contact with him since then, he answers sporadically if I initiate anything.
I have done some reading on narcissism, and he seems to fit almost all of the criterias except a few.
I feel lost without him and have no idea why.
Thank you for reading my rant. Any inight at all would be greatly appreciated. I guess I am just looking for possible answers