Ibis' story

My story, I'm sure, is much like yours: We met online - even before we met face-to-face, he told me he was "in this for the long haul", etc. etc. He told me he loved me and basically proposed on the first date. Red flag, anyone?

As they do, things began deteriorating rapidly. He offered to help me move a relative and was so hostile about it when the time came to actually do it that he was verbally abuse, screaming to me that "I really was f**cking nuts." This is two weeks into the relationship. Did I learn? Noooooo.

The abuse then became much more subversive and insidious - he is extremely passive aggressive, and loved to gaslight as well. Throughout any number of tough times in my life, he was never there for me, preferring to clean out his freezer or empty his DVR (I wish I was kidding).

Everything to him was a competition - EVERYTHING. He was insanely jealous of my daughter's dad. He was insanely jealous of everyone, really.

The sex was violent and rough, always. Once, I had too much to drink, and woke up the next morning with bruises on my wrists. He casually explained that he had been "slamming me back and forth" in front of the mirror the night before. He LOVED to watch himself have sex.

He lied about so many things: his past (he said he had been a professional athlete), his present (anything you can think of really was a lie), he even made up fake business trips! Not sure how he thought he was going to get away with it, as I got very close to his sister-in-law. One day she and I were discussing the sad state of the relationship, and all the lies came tumbling out. She first said that he had NEVER been a pro athlete, and that it took him seven years to finish college because he is so messed up! She told me that HE had cheated on women he told me had cheated on him, etc. etc. At that moment, everything became clear for me. I came home that night to flowers and a greeting card (which he "never" buys, unless it's for someone VERY SPECIAL) and confronted him about what I knew. He still continued to deny everything, so I left. He literally chased me out to my car and tried to get in it to prevent me from leaving (fortunately I had locked the doors). From what I understand, after I left, he called his sister-in-law and blamed her for my leaving.

But wait! There's more...he suggested one night that instead of pulling out as he usually did when we had sex, we would "throw things up to the universe," meaning that if I got pregnant, it was meant to be. Stupidly, I agreed (this was well before I knew what a liar he was). Turns out I did in fact get pregnant, but had a miscarriage two weeks in. In that time, he went from saying (in the morning) that he was ecstatic and couldn't wait to celebrate to saying (later that day, VIA TEXT), that "he wasn't sure he wanted kids at all." What a gem. He basically told me after that that I should have an abortion because he didn't want to end up divorced and having to deal with child custody.

But wait! There's more...when we met, he swore he had been tested for every STD and was clean. He said he hated condoms because they "messed up his game" and I very foolishly agreed to unprotected sex. Two weeks afer I dumped him, I went to get re-screened myself...also noticed a very painful sore in my nether regions. Yes, you guessed it - the SOB gave me HERPES. When I tried to confront him about it, he refused to speak to me. He told everyone who would listen that I was completely crazy and had been stalking him ever since we broke up. He accused me of making up both the pregnancy and the herpes (cause that would be fun for me, right?), and, I will never forget, in the cruelest tone imaginable said "WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO MAKE YOU GO AWAY?!" I've not heard from him since - that was more than two weeks ago.

In the meantime, though, I had told him that if he refused to own up to giving me an STD and show me a negative HIV test, I would contact his sister-in-law to try and get the information and to warn her that he should not be allowed to spend time alone with his young nephew and niece (since he is clearly a sociopath with no regard for even my basic physical health). When I threatened this, he immediately called her and swore he didn't have herpes and that I was making this up and stalking him. Long story short, she finally asked me to forward the NUMEROUS emails I had in which he was begging me to come back and I was telling him the relationship was over (not really what I'd call stalking, but that's just me). She emailed back that she believed me about everything and that I had done the right thing by leaving. She said she felt sorry for him because he was so messed up.

So, now his family knows the truth about him - that he is a pathological liar. These are the ONLY people he has in his life to provide consistent supply, and I've unmasked him to them. Not sure what their relationship is like now; don't care. But boy is he pissed. Silent treatment the minute he found out he had hung himself by sending daily emails professing his love to me while telling everyone else I was stalking him. Don't think he ever imagined I'd have the balls to tell the truth about him and the abuse.

I think he is gone for good. I can't imagine that I could have inflicted a more severe narcissistic injury on him than to expose him to his "island of stability."

I wish I could say that I have compassion for him or that I'm indifferent, but at this point frankly I hope he drops off the face of the earth.

Can I count on him being out of my life once and for all?