wannaletgo22's story
wannaletgo22's story
My story- thank you for listening
Hi- I am new here. I've read through some of the posts and blogs and have already found comfort in your stories.
I am about a month into no contact with an N that I "dated" on and off for a year. He is the first guy I ever had a relationship with...and just the second that I've slept with. Needless to say, although I am an intelligent and strong woman, I am very naive when it comes to men and dating. And after the first D&D, I was just completely dumbfounded, shocked and confused. He played on all of my insecurities and inexperience...and I was just putty in his hands. I admit I chased after him a bit b/c I felt I needed to understand what I could have done to make him treat me so terribly. I got no response and eventually gave up. He finally came back, offering no explaination, and I was just so happy to have him that I didn't demand one. He's had the upper hand ever since, coming in and out of my life, pretending to be my friend, but mostly demanding sexual favors and attention and punishing me and pulling away whenever I ask him for anything in return. I discovered he has a serious girlfriend, and I suspect that I am one of several women he keeps on the backburner. I get frustrated and yell and scream, he lies and denies, accuses me of abusing and bashing him, turns everything around on me, and I feel guilty and apologize and beg for forgiveness, and he punishes me some more by giving me the silent treatment. That lasts about a month, and then he comes back, I'm so sure I'm crazy and terrible that I accept him again, and we go another round.
But finally, finally I realized that he could be as confused and torn as he claims to be about the two of us (which I doubt), I could be the craziest woman in the world, and his girlfriend could be psychotic and needy- it doesn't matter. Nothing justifies his behavior. Nothing justifies playing two women against one another. A decent person would let me go...but it was always like he didn't want me, but wanted the right to claim me if he changed his mind- didn't matter what that did to me, how it made me feel invisible and worthless. He didn't care b/c it's all about him.
I have good days and bad days. I think the hardest part is that other people don't really understand what I've been through. In normal situations, it should be easy to move on after a year of casually dating someone. But I just feel so beaten down....the mind games were insane...and a lot of them were sexual...and it's just really hard to get over. But I am trying to be strong, and I'm trying to stay positive. I'm glad to have found this site and appreciate all of the support.
It can be difficult not to
Thank you
wannaletgo22
Thank you..I'm happy to be
I am so sorry that you are
Thank you for
Welcome to Narcville
wannaletgo22
Thank you for your support.