HeadachesHeartbreaks's story

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#1 Oct 29 - 8PM
HeadachesHeartbreaks
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HeadachesHeartbreaks's story

Our relationship became what is known as a “on again off again “relationship. Instead of taking the warning signs as a reason to leave him and never make contact again I just kept reuniting with him.

The realization that there was something wrong with my ex/narc, more than the fact he had mood swings , I had reason to believe he wasn’t loyal, he was dishonest at times- was when I noticed how he responded to me when we would get back together.
It would start out the same. He would tell me how much he was missing me and even sometimes apologize ( never specific ) express he wanted to be in a relationship with me again. I would show resistance and remind him of our problems and how we hadn’t progressed past them.
In a nutshell we would end up back together after our usually splits. The first days to a week he was sweet, calm, and wasn’t his usually Dr.Jekle and Mr.Hyde.
My thoughts were that of “ great now if it could only stay this way, I think I could forgive and forget the “ bad things” he had never taken repsonablity for. Because after all if he changes then we could finally be the happy couple I want us to be”.
The honeymoon would end , it always seemed he was eager to get over with it with his swift aggressive change in behavior addutite towards me. It was like hot and cold fire and water if you compared the first week to the rest that would follow.
I was always spoiled with respect affection ect during our first week being back together with him. Those were luxuries in our relationship: respect, kindness, caring, LOVE, honesty, loyality ect. It was like from the start I was treated like I didn’t deserve those things but were tokens of his affection once every blue moon.
After the first week he would starts fights over nothing, give me the silent treatment, make mean comments he would call “ jokes or just playing” but were clearly meant to hurt my feelings, stay up all night on adult websites whose theme were finding sex partners ect
Things would escalate until I would be close to a mental break down, and had been depressed for weeks, and stressed from walking around on egg shells trying not to step on a land mine so I wouldn’t have to deal with him exploding on me. Not knowing what was a potieal trigger with him casued the most fear about what to say or nto to say how to act think eat. Anything could set him off and I was going to get his full attention but not in a good way.

I would get fed up and break up with him. I had trued to endure the relationship and even suggested couples counseling many times, tried to reason with him among ourselves, tried to be more affectionate and even tried to pretend I didn’t notice the various hurtful behaviors directed at me on a daily basis.
But I am only human and would get fed up and take off.
He version of what had happen I was later to find out was that I had used him for his money and I was abusive because I had kept confronting him about things he had never done or said, and that he had tried his hardest to be the most loving affection man he could be to me but I just wouldn’t receive it I was cold and hard insensitive to his trying That I had broken his heart.
( This is what I thought was odd. Instead of telling the truth or just saying like most guys “ O well we weren’t happy so good riddens ect) he bold faced lied about the details of our courtship , our times together. I had been the cause of our relationship problems and worse had left him “ heart broken and alone”.

I saw emails and text messages stating this stuff. At first it was just a few but as I continued down this self-destructive path of breaking up and getting back together I realized that I kept finding more and more emails and texts I hadn’t previously seen. Some were older ones I had never saw and some were as recent as that day or just since we had been back together.
Not one shred of truth in them. Some of them were mean jokes about my physical appearance or interest/hobbies, others were about incidents that had happened but he had distorted the truth and added or taken away from some of the story of what happened ect.
I just kept thinking to myself “ This can’t really be true. What is wrong with someone who does this”.
Just lies about everything and even whole recantings of sisuatiosn were mythical. It was hard for me to reason that a grown mad 20 years my senior would create “elaborate lies and slander “ in general” ( I mean we aren’t talking about a 4 or 5 year old ).

How could you wake up every single day kiss someone eat breakfast lunch dinner with them and lie to there face then go behind there back and slander them. It is one thing if what you have said is the truth about them its another thing if you have lied.
I had always been open and honest with him for the most part. I had always left my friends’ names and ect out of our conversations and withheld some personal things about my past that I didn’t feel comfortable sharing with someone I was growing not to trust at all.
Was he irrtaibel most of the time and un inviting yes but there were also times he acted mellow and interacted with me nicely . So I guess I CHOSE to focuse on thise time no matter how few and took it as a great offense that not even those few “special times” I thought were geinune . I just wanted something real , emotions feelinsg ect from him. To find more and more proof of his cheating and now him slndering/bad mouthing me behind my back and making up elbrotae stories of thinsg that have never happened that would paint me in bad light- was almost ot much to bear.
I noticed patterns in relation to what he would lie about and when. If I had confronted him about something he had done hurtful or say something insignificant to most simply disagreed with his opinion about a TV show or topic ( therefore not forfeiting my own feelings opinions to make him feel smarter than me and get an ego boost) he would send text emails out around the same day times we would have fights or I would do something that had irritated him ( sometimes he wouldn’t even say anything just give me the silent treatment and say everything is ok) THEN go write this fribacted retellings of the story or just simply make up a incident where I had been mean to him ( which never had happened ).
He was just mad at me for something else but wanted to gain support I guess. I think he thought he couldn’t say “ well , she disagreed with me who does she think she is am better smarter than her how dare her . I am justifiably mad “ and expect people to sympathize and experience the same irrational reaction he had. Understandably, I hadn’t done anything wrong by disagreeing with him or confronting him when he treated me poorly for no apparent reason than he “ was having a bad day “ ect
( Calling me a b**** and telling me you did it because “ I MADE you because I wouldn’t do what you said “ or him saying “ I am just having a bad day” doesn’t justify it or throwing something at me because I asked him to lower his voice and he feels I “ shouldn’t’ be telling him what to do”… I wasn’t telling him what to do but making clear how I expected to be treated. I didn’t yell at him call him out his name and throw tantrums whenever I feel I don’t get my way ect )
So he had to lie to make things seem worse than they were “to justify his feelings towards me of unjustifiable anger because he felt I had defied him or simply put “ I had displeased him “ or didn’t let him get away with treating me like I am scum when I am a person of vaule. Most of the time I did keep my mouth shut which I think aidded the problem. I think my passiveness and submissiveness 90% of the timecaused him to feel comfortable with how he was treating me and expected that response 100% of the time. When I would stand up for myself or cause issue GARTNETTED a email, text or phone call would go out reporting on some mythical sisutaion or a twisted recant of what happened. His part always that of the Marty enduring the many perils I put him thought. LMFAO.

Give me a break not even little kids lie like this. I honestly think a child would produce more honest than this man ( can I even call him a man-hmmm NOPE ). Real adults don’t run around manipulating people and telling elaborate lies on a daily basis to get attention and try to “ turn people against someone”. The people closest to him now think am the devil now and I “play games with his head and heart because I keep breaking up with him.
Well I am done. He tells me he wants me back then emails his friends am evil and mean and ect. Why does he tell me something eles. How can I be a nice sweet girl with a good heart and then be a mean cold heart person.
One day I told him which person am I the one you say to my face or the one you talk about behind my back. There comes a time when enough is enough. I honestly think he is a social path. I don’t think he always knows what is reality because he has to “get into act” to convince people he is telling the truth. After doing for so long I think anyone would start to live at least partlily in there madeup world whatever that may be. He is very intelligent at manipulating people and understanding how the mind works. He even use to work as a hypnosis therapist.
I think its normal for guys to talk smack about their ex girlfriends like call them fat or say she always complained about this or that BUT to do what he has done is insane Its not normal. And its one thing to do it after you have broken up with someone but to do it while your still with them.

Oct 30 - 12AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Welcome to Narcville Hunter

Welcome to Narcville Hunter
Oct 30 - 6PM (Reply to #2)
HeadachesHeartbreaks
HeadachesHeartbreaks's picture

hmmmmm

I don't understand your comment. Can you please explain one day later ..... OHHHH I get it lol thanks