My story - comes in parts

We were married for 11 years and together for twelve. We have two beautiful children and they love us both unconditionally. I now wonder what they will think in the future when they are old enough to see through your shit.

Our whirlwind romance was full of lies, manipulations, with the occassional ex-business partners telling me to stay away as he's trouble with a capital T. Of course, I was on my way to falling head over heals for the 'dream' man, brushed away the warnings that were aimed to help me. I just thought that these warnings could only be coming from jealous ex-business partners. I poohed poohed them.

Right from the start, I paid for most things. I paid for the rent, petrol, groceries, living, cigarettes, alcohol etc. His way of making a living was through business dealings and through trying to set up business ventures. Nothing was successful. Some income was generated every now and again, but it was my wage that held us afloat. It was always my wage. Anything he put in was a bonus.

And because I wanted us to be together, to be a couple, etc., I kept doing it. Because I wanted us both to be happy, to have what we wanted, to have a nice life, I kept working and paying. I also loved my job, still do, and this made it easier for me to keep doing it. I could never see me giving up my job.

We were married quickly and had our first child not very long afterwards. But our wedding day should have been another warning sign. My mother in law cracked up big time when not enough attention was placed on her for the day. OMFG! But I ignored it, and tried to ignore her.

My XN never stood up to her over this behaviour on OUR wedding day, and didn't stand up to her again when she turned up, unannounced, on our doorstep to visit her new grand child. We had a house full and she didn't give a shit. She was there to see us no matter what. I had a week old baby, everything was so new, and I had to put up with her, in my house, and my XN did NOTHING. She stayed for a few days and it sucked.

Another sign came just before we were married, and another sign I chose to ignore. (But I did file it away in my brain). Three nights before our wedding, he got VERY drunk and faked chest pains. We took him up to the hospital to see what was wrong and as soon as the Dr mentioned "maybe you drink too much and that could be causing some of these problems!" he walked out of the hospital in disgust. He did not return for check ups or for further investigations.

Throughout our marriage, as I mentioned before, I was the bread winner. He had a variety of jobs. One job in particular was in sales. He was never paid for the 9 months he worked there. My wage had to cover the babysitting, normal household expenses, and his petrol to go to and from this job (it was an hour trip each way).

Another time between jobs, he decided he was very stressed from the last place of employment so he needed a break. The break he took lasted for months and used up all of our savings. He didn't seek new employment till we were broke. Grrrrr. Even when I had my two children, I had never taken off more than was necessary. The most I had ever taken off was for 3 months, which was all maternity leave. The sense of responsibility for your family was just not there. He lacked that sense.

He had, at times, become the stay at home dad while I worked, but the house keeping was always left for me. He never did any of that. And if I ever deigned to complain or voice my sense of injustice over the unfair division of house work, he said/ranted/ raved that HE did it all, and I did nothing, and I was being selfish etc. And, he also didn't stop drinking during any of these times, so not only did I have to handle the working, cleaning, child rearing when I was home, I also had to handle the children's doctors visits etc as he was usually too drunk to take them anywhere. Yeah, stay at home dad alright, more like a leech.

Grrrrr, I get angry still.

thanks for reading so far....