My Contact Issues...

They NEVER do anything for anyone unless it will be of benefit to them.

The AA's have a great story about not wanting to admit you are a total alcoholic- so you try different scenarios- only drinking on the weekends, only drinking beer not hard liquor, only drinking with friends, only drinking whisky but adding a lot of milk. and because you are an alcoholic- no matter how many combinations you try- you ALWAYS still end up drunk, sick and in the gutter. This is what you are doing. and I did it too- all the combinations- partners, FWB, just friends, just an occasional hello and ya know what- it always went to total hell with him. I would think I was in control- setting the rules, but these bastards are insidious, clever and cruel- and it would always end with me totally devastated. There is no drinking the kool aid of a Narc and survivoring it unscathed. You can see this- texting has now led to him perhaps coming over which will then lead to a conversation which will then lead to sex or "friendship" perhaps which will then lead to devaluing, demeaning, silent treatment, OW, discarding and your life back in the pits of hell. Stop now. I have been right where you are and I want you to avoid being thrown out of the car, drunk and falling into the dirty grimy street.

I've posted this a couple of times on this forum, but it may bear repeating because of the nature of your post. The xN and I have had to face one another several times since our split...always, he's putting on a show for others' benefit, by being sickeningly nice to me publicly...complimenting my hair (which he never did when we were together), etc. Then, a month ago, he ambushed me at a gathering he knew I'd be in attendance at with a new woman. Okay, great. 2 weeks prior to that, he had texted me from a tournament 1500 miles away from Chicago to tell me the gist of a conversation he was having with another person about me (why he's speaking to my friends about me is one of life's great mysteries) and how well she spoke of me, etc - what...was he conducting a fkn survey or something??? It was just the weirdest thing, that text. Seemed "practical" on the surface as his reason for contacting me, but why he thinks I give a damn about what he's doing is what confounds me. okay, so then the ambush two weeks later...and I left after that...no drama on my part; I just left. Two days after that, I get a text from him apologizing for how "weird that encounter was" (DUH)...and did I renew my son's Xbox Live subscription for his upcoming birthday (my son is not his child and oh, he had to ask what date my son's birthday was in the text)...I know what that was all about...didn't get the NS from me two days earlier, so let's follow it up with a mea culpa text followed by a question to force a reply and OH...let's see if I can weasel an invite over to her house using her child as the bait. The text literally made me sick. I didn't dignify any of it with a response...and blocked him from ever calling or texting my cellphone again. Get real - he is all about HIM...nothing, and I do mean nothing, including you, will ever change that.

I love the 1,2,3,4. Same thing I would go through in my head every time we would re-connect. I Always believed it was 4 but it was always 1,2,AND 3. No joke! Each time he was sweeter so I'd believe him that It was 4 and he would always say that if we weren't married we would be together and we can't deny how we feel about each other. I fall for it each time!

...why do you care? Why are you spending any time trying to figure him out. You already know the answer. It amuses him. He may be bored. Why not use you and amuse himself until another more interesting prey comes along? Good luck.

....on which you will NEVER win on......... Never.

You've been suffering for 3months of NC .. Now you are asking for thoughts and opinions., I have no comment.. Anything I say will not be complimentary.. You are playing with fire.. Good luck you'll need it! Hunter

You are starting the roller coaster ride in Narcville. I experienced the same EXACT scenario, he is after 1, 2, and 3 and will stop at nothing. Don't go there, I could write and explain over the last 1.5 years I played with fire, not getting into a relationship, going NC for months at a time, etc. but letting him back in here and there, trying to be friends, then friends with benefits etc. It is a game to them, he does not want to be friends (I tried for 6 months...and it made him hoover me even more until the biggest hoover ever). They are not normal, he will destroy you, mine was the biggest "giver", so kind and generous, and would do anything for me and my kids....but in the end it was all about him being in control which also means the lying, cheating, and all the other issues came back to surface to the darkest extreme ever, the mask was off and what I saw was enough to stay NC forever!! PS our past relationship he would devalue in tidbits but lovebomb me at the same time. I also did the breaking up and he never stopped hoovering (learned about NPD in April after the last major hoover). This last time is the final time (2 weeks ago and I know he will never contact me again) so mine is still fresh...but please don't play his game, you will never ever win!!!

when you say, we began texting, what he texted you?.other than that, if you continue with this...you won't be laughing for long...

Here is my opinion. You are asking what he wants. That is irrelevant, always irrelevant. The important question is, what do you want. You are playing with fire, and it always starts with contact. It has begun...because you let it. You can stay in the chaos, the fire, and get burned, as fire always burns. You said now you are in a shady area...incorrect. The shady area started with contact. This is black and white. I've been where you are at, teasing and fucking with the N, because I could. It always ended the same. Ouch!!! ds