Finally, My Story

Six years into my second marriage (his THIRD)
- to an Alpha-male Licensed Professional Marriage and Family therapist (for 20 years!)
- who was first a Seminary trained Baptist Minister and Senior Pastor of his own church (for 12 years)
- enduring several irrational divorce threats
I have discovered this site! Go figure.

Narcissist by any other name.... yes, I see him for what he really is and I see me for what I have been to him. I am lost and alone, but determined to get out. I recognize that this broken man I have been married to has many narcissistic traits. He is sure to point out to any who come to him in therapy the difference between the traits and the disorder because, after all, he is
'the brilliant therapist-' and using the current DSM he does not fit the diagnosis criteria for the disorder (according to him! HA!)

I have learned so much from him as his Office Partner, that I can recognize the wolf in sheep's clothing! I am weeks from leaving and accepting the divorce as 'my' fault-( according to HIM!!) just to save my sanity. I am 52 years old and have been manipulated into giving up the custody of my 2 boys- well, really I only gave up the 12 year old (aged 12 and 18) to their father.

My 'brilliant therapist' husband convinced me it was in 'their' best interest. And, to add insult to injury? He makes sure to point out that if I am anxious or sad or angry about the loss of time or relationship with my boys, I should bring this to him so he and I can 'connect' and work out these emotions as a team. Doesn't that sound healthy? It would be if my husband was not so self-centered and narcissistic. He uses his role as a therapist (which by the way,I have never agreed to be his CLIENT!!) and his position of leader of the family?! to manipulate me into meeting his needs only. His need is to have me to himself and to always put him first, my boys second- and now, my boys are not even living with me any longer.
He has blown up over the most innocuous issues- completely over reacted and pronounces we must divorce over these little things. He proceeds to draft up some separation papers, offers to get me a storage unit and announces I must be out by the first of next month- he will help me get an apartment since he knows I couldn't afford one on my own.! This charade of chaos goes on for 2 or 3 days, or maybe even longer until he finally tries to talk with me and make me admit it has been all my fault in the first place. I can't do this any longer. I don't deserve to be treated this way. I have given all the best part of myself away to an empty pit and at the end of every day, there is nothing left of me and no one there to help me be the healthiest person I once was. He has sucked all the life out of me and I am done.
I will now have to find a job (my N husband-therapist-husband has convinced me this will be next to impossible) a place to live (my N husband has pointed out all the road blocks to this) and a future without HIS protection and resources ...(which HE has nearly convinced me I need to do a serious reality check if I believe I can succeed without him) and-
by the way? He thinks I am not grateful for all he has done for me and my family over the past 6 years! You MUST know how degrading and humiliating this has been! I was not this person before him.
I was good and kind and generous- and very vulnerable! I am angry and sullen and isolated now - scared and humiliated by my vulnerability- I have no one in my world but me and some web sites to find connection and support. I am sure I will work it out but I need that support system - DAILY!