Superh's Story

I have been married to someone that has been displaying self centered behaviour, with all decisions made by him and whole marriage has been based on his priorities. I had been toying with the idea he maybe passive aggessive or an N..but recent events have shown he is potentially an N. We married in our 20's and the marriage was brief with lots of erratic behaviour and comings and goings by him. We divorced, leaving me hurt and very confused with all the behaviour- which at the time i didnt understand- i just remember i was constantly trying to make sense of it all- and concluded he was immature. He remarried and his 2nd marriage didnt last with his wife running away with their baby.
Following his divorce and custody battle he contacted me appologising for his behaviour..and i missed a red flag he blamed his ex for everything!!! Anyway seems i nver got over him, and had some unresolved emotions so he persuaded me that i was the love of his life and that he wanted to grow old with me. My initial reaction was but how, you work and live in another country..he said he was returning to the country i lived( our home- as his son was there too). so for the first two years of marriage he was communting 15 hours flying time to see me and his son for 2weeks then return to he country where his work was . I suffered and was unhapping with the commings and goings and part-time nature of the marriage.. for several reasons including it was difficult to concieve a child with him travelling so much. Arguements started with him telling me it was all about me- and me telling him NO it is all about you and your prioritises. I suggested IVF and he flat out refused! i was angry and hurt as he had a child and would tell me i was jealous when i wasnt, i just wanted an opportunity to have my own child and his travel was not helping..His Work( business came first then his son)
He then said he need to be based overseas fulltime, and that i should do myself a favour and go with him for 6 months to see if i got pregnant.
To do this i had to take leave from my work( which was 12months)...he also rolled out the red carpet for me to go...so i left my career/job which was very prestigeous, my parents and friends to be with my husband and hopefully have a baby.
Soon after i arrived on his 'turf" any comment i made - he would tell me to stop complaining , which i wasnt i was just sharing my thought on my 'new home". if i would tell i dont know anyone but him, his reply would be- if i am the only person you know here then why dont you do as i say!I felt totally lost, lonely and unsupported...as he was at work all day and i had no car or anything..so i had gone from an independant women with a successful career to a wife stuck at home and a husband who told me over and over he came for his work.ie. not to be with me, and if i didnt like it i could go back!

So my dreams of having a settled life was quickly shattered as his focus was his work and returning to our home country every 2 months to see his son. When i travelled with him to see his son..it was always dispointing as it was always about him and what his son wanted to do...so many times i tried to get him to understand i also had friends i wanted to see and asked if we could compromise on how we spent the time..this caused huge flights with him 'raging at me' and at times leaving me alone( on my holiday too) and taking a week trip wtih his son. We were supposed to be a family - but we were not- and his sole purpose of going home was to see his son- and i really didnt count at all_ i thought i was his wife!!. So trips home- were about his son- living in our new country were about his work.......i was no where....and i was told i just had to accept...... i then got on my feet and took a job.. which gave me independance and a life( got a car etc) as he never shared his money with me.. so accept i did....

Then after another 4 years of putting up with the routine of someone whos prioritises are his work, which included alot of business travel and also travelling to see his son 10 week per year...i started to feel very neglected..and resenting that he never made any changes to his routine or life for me...i was the one that made all the sacrifises, adjustments, spent weeks on end alone in a country with no family and few friends, and he just couldnt understand, empathises with any of my feelings..he would give me excuses why he didnt want to spend time with me- we were arguing- why because he wouldnt spend any time with me or would agree to IVF primarily...and i married to share alife..but there was no sharing- of emotions, finances( he is building an empire..and i have no access to anything),time- basically when he was free i was expected to be available. earlier this year i asked if he could call me during the day- so i felt connected to him and to feel he cared, and if we could have a one week holiday together without it being connected to a business trip or family.. WELL what a reaction i got!- he doesnt know if he wants the marriage, doesnt know if he even wants to be married at all.. What is he getting out of this marriage, what have i done for him in the last month... we dont have a family,..all this stuff came out...he was just so angry....and acted out by comming home late, travelling more, and igorning me....leaving me even more neglected and uncared for...this went on for 3months..and then after an arguement- i ignored him- so he said he would move out- because i ignorned him and this is not what he wants...i tried to explain he need to take some responsibility as he was also ignoring me...( i frequentley received the silent treatment, no appologises, he is always right, never appologies for hurting my feelings etc..)

So he has moved out ....and given what i believe i now know about narcissim..i dont know what to do next...