I as all of the rest of you fell prey to a Narcissist. As I am on the path to healing I too would like to share my story:
I was involved with a cerebral N. I am a healthcare professional myself and he used his status as a dentist to lure me in. At first I told him I didn't believe him, and I didn't he was far to immature, not to mention he was 10 years older than me.
I could go on and on with details of how he acted. Our relationship was fast tracked by him and we moved in together after only 6 months, during which time he convinced me that I was the one for him and that no other woman was like me, or as "fine" as I was. He was lucky to have me he said, I was smart, pretty, kind and I made him want to be a better person. He was looking for someone that was kind, that someone was me. Of course all the other girls he had dated ended up having problems, such as being selfish or untrusting or having mommy issues.
The funny thing is that on our first date, he told me about his crazy family tree, as sort of a disclaimer that came with him. I didn't head the warning. I believe this man knows there is something wrong with him, but will never admit it. The saddest thing is that it is our daughter who will pay.
While we lived together, I could see that he had both a spending problem and a problem with anger, so I suggested we see a therapist. He agreed, but of course his intent was to charm the therapist and attempt for her to see his side and how wrong I was. Soon, somehow, it became me who had the spending problem. It was me with the anger problem. I knew neither one of these were true, but I didn't listen to myself. He regularly got angry, or should I say enraged at the smallest thing, such as the way I loaded the dishwasher. He began to put me down, as I am as well educated as he is, although I received better grades and am in fact smarter than him. He began telling me I had a "Napoleon Complex". Projection at it's finest. He never apologized, but he always cried after an argument and said he had never had this problem with anyone, and perhaps it was because he loved me so much.
He proposed to me 5 months later, after we decided to conceive our daughter. She was planned and such a blessing, however, I did not think she would come so soon. She did and he knew I would not have her without a marriage. We were married 4 months later. We purchased a house, for no money down, as he was a "doctor". He was special, as they all are. A smooth talker, handsome, and spoke very kindly and intellectually.
Things continued to get worse. During my pregnancy he was completely unsupportive. I am a very petite person and the pregnancy was difficult for me, not to mention I was told I may have a heart condition during this time. He could have cared less and left me often to party, telling me that I didn't realize how hard the pregnancy was on him.
I kept feeling like something was wrong, I had never been treated like this before in my life. It was almost unbelievable and I think I became prey due the fact that I simply could not understand how he was and so I continued to make excuses for him.
In the end, in an attempt to help our marriage that was falling apart, we went on a vacation to an island. On the island, we had a disagreement over minutia in which he left me in our hotel room by myself the entire day. He ignored me, nothing new. I asked him if he just wanted me to leave. He told me to pack my bags. I did, he threw my credit card in the door and walked down the stairs. I followed him telling him this was ridiculous and to stop this irrational behavior. He ended up grabbing my arms and pushing me. I was not hurt, but that was it. I called the police and had him arrested. I went home to my family and filed for divorce. I packed his truck up for him with his belongings and told him to stay away from the home. Eventually he has gotten his things and me and our daughter remain in the home until our divorce is final. She is only 9 months. We have undergone a parental responsibilities evaluation, in which he was said to have Narcissistic/Historionic Personality Traits "ingrained" in his personality. NPD anyone?
As I said there were so many red flags along the wya:
-he constantly accused me of things he was doing, leaving me in utter shock
-he would rage at anything, and threw a bottle above our daughters head when she was 2 months old and has yelled at her and smashed a laptop near her in which a piece flew over her head.
-he started out being charming and willing to spend money on everything, but in the end I brought a large sum of money to the marriage, somewhere around $120,000 that he so kindly spent in less than 10 months. All to promote his image and dental practice
-he was incapable of talking about emotions or seeming to have any.
-he left me and my daughter consistently, one time because I asked how far along one of our friends was in her pregnancy, he told me I was stupid and always asking dumb questions, proceeded to turn our car around and drop me and my daughter (then 4 months) off on our driveway and leave for TX for 4 days with no communication. He never apologized and instead told me he did me a favor, I was lucky
-He was unable to be reached when I needed him or after an argument and would stay gone for days having no empathy of how worried I was or how upset I was
-He uses my daughter for show, he wants to love her, but does not know how, she is a good baby, and so he is trying to be with her more, luckily the court is helping with this some
-he never wanted my mom to be a part of our lives, as he feared her. He knew she knew something was up with him
-his family knows he has problems, but enables him and now refuses to talk to him, because I am crazy
-he is lying and trying to sabatoge my career by telling other medical providers I have borderline personality disorder, which is completely false
-he is in debt in every area, yet he continues to spend spend spend
-he loved porno and just like at the other N's wanted to have sex all the time until we became closer, then I would wake up to his morning masturbation. He never wanted to have sex anymore, he was tired
-he was depressed under it all, he was always tired, boring
-he lied about everything, literally everything, and he is good at it. There are many who believe him and not me.
I could go on and on, honestly. He did so many shady things it was unreal, how I stayed with him for 1 year and 10 months I will never know. I am so much happier now. I don't miss him, nor did I ever once I made up my mind to leave him. He did not ever hoover, although he tried to tie me in with anger. He still does. He is a sad man, and I am embarrassed I ever had anything to do with him. For so long I hoped he would get help and get better, even after we separated I told him over and over I would be there if he would just get help. He won't and I won't take him back. I want nothing to do with him. Everything outside my life is great, except for the fact that he has left me with no money and I am incurring thousands in attorneys fees due to our high conflict divorce. I can't wait for it to be over. I have no care, respect or love for him. I feel nothing for him. I only wish I could save my daughter from the emotional pain I know he will cause her.
He is a major loser, if I put it kindly. The entire time we dated and even through our marriage my intuition told me he was not good for me. He wasn't and I should have listened. All I can hope is that he continues to run his business into the ground and moves. Gets the hell out of my life. Ick. I feel so sorry for the next woman. Poor poor girl. These people should come with a disclaimer.