Hi there everyone,
I am 49 years old and life with my mother has been a horror story. I was the only girl and second youngest, raised in a family of seven brothers and they can do no wrong. I have always been my mother's target and last Christmas after a harrowing phone call to her just to say "Merry Christmas" I decided that enough was enough. I have a great relationship with all my brothers and they all acknowledge that she is crazy and a pain in the arse but they really don't "get it" from my point of view. They scoff at the idea that she is jealous of me. She is so obsessively jealous of me that I am surprised that her skin is not the same colour as Shrek's!
When I was seven, my family moved from Iceland to Australia and our home life was complete chaos. Both my parents were alcoholics and pill poppers but my father was by then a broken man. He was so gentle and kind and I believe that my mother basically destroyed him. He always wanted a girl and he adored me. When I was thirteen, he committed suicide and from that day forth, my mother really declared war on me. She was so violent and scary when she drank and if my older brothers were not home, I either hid under a bed or fled the house with my little brother. She quit drinking when she was 60 but it certainly didn't improve her personality and the pill popping never stopped.
She either ignored me or constantly critised and insulted me. She never, ever paid me a compliment or even smiled at me. She is manipulative, cunning and extremely cruel. She has not a shred of empathy in her soul and no insight into the way her behavior impacts on others. She is the centre of the universe and it is ALWAYS about her and everything was someone else's fault ~ usually mine. She never, ever takes responsibility for her bizarre behavior and when confronted with truth and logic, just explodes like a two year old. She only ever apologises if there is something in it for her and every apology was meaningless because it always included the word "but". Many times in my adult life, she has had me curled up on the floor, sobbing until I thought my heart would break. She could do that with just a few choice words and was completely unmoved by my distress. I am a strong woman but she always had the power to do that to me. As the years went by, I just tried harder. I always thought it was me and if only I did more, gave more, that she would love me or at least like me. Well into my 40's, I clung to the futile hope that she would "see" me for the child I was and the woman I became. I feel rediculous now when I think of the lengths I went to in order to "win her". All she ever did was use me.
By the time I was eighteen, I was an alcoholic. I felt so empty and so deeply sad and never knew why. It was like I had a huge hole inside me and I tried desperately to fill it with alcohol. In between terrible relationships and pathetic jobs, I would stay with her and the funny thing was, she was quite nice to me. I know why now. She LIKED seeing me miserable. She fed on my failures and pain. Her eyes would sparkle with excitement and malice when I told her my latest drama. I thought we were "bonding". I was her perfect narcissistic supply and number one slave.
Fifteen years ago, I took myself to rehab and have never touched a single drop of alcohol since. I went to college by day and worked twelve hour shifts at night and got myself a career with Child Protection. I met and married the most insanely wonderful man. Handsome, financially secure, well bred, extemely intelligent and well educated, very strong but so gentle and compassionate. fantastic sense of humour. Suddenly I had a beautiful home, drove a new car, wore stunning clothes and jewellery to die for. The happier I became, the more her hatred grew. She simply could not bear to see me happy. She almost did my poor husband's head in with her vile comments about me. She tried everything to make him leave me but it backfired on her because he stopped speaking to her a long time ago.
I was so damaged and my husband married a very angry woman but he saw the core of me and never gave up on me. He knew where the damage came from and he has been my rock. He cherishes me like I have never been cherished in my life. I wake up every day and think to myself, "Wow!! He chose ME"!! He still can't wrap his head around the way my mother has treated me. He was adopted and his mother loved him with every fibre of her soul. I was only with him for about two months when he said, "Oh my God! Your mother is so jealous of you"!! I was horrified and denied it vehemently!! I could not fathom that a mother could be jealous of her own daughter.
Two years ago, we moved to the other side of the country to be near my ailing father-in-law. He has nobody but his son. My mother was LIVID. Not because she would miss ME but because she would miss what I DO for her. She refused to even say goodbye to me the day I flew out. I flew backwards and forwards many times to stay with her and be her personal servant which she loved. It was horrendously stressful for me and I always came back shattered. During every visit, she never once asked me about my life over here. She has never shown any interest in my life unless it was painful for me. She saw me radiant with happiness and I saw such naked hatred in her eyes. Last December at 83, she went into a nursing home so my usefullness was over and she became completely hostile every time I called her. Christmas was the final straw for me. Being 3000 miles away from her is such a blessing!!! She is so toxic and did so much damage to me. I could go on and on but will leave it for now and go have dinner with my beautiful man but I have a million stories up my sleeve to share!
Hugs to you all!!
stelpan62.