Shelly's Story

My story begins back in 1984 when we first met. I was 13 and he was 14. In fact, we were each other's first boyfriend and girlfriend. The feelings were intense, even back then, as most first loves are. We were together for about a year and then I broke up with him because I was just too young to be so serious. He later told me that he never understood why I broke up with him and he claimed that I had broken his heart...

Throughout the years we each moved on, both getting married and having children. He was divorced but living with a girlfriend.

Fast forward 24 years... I was 38, he was 39. By some weird chance he found me on a social networking site. The chemistry was instant. He said he had been looking for me, said I was the one who got away. He made me feel elated. I couldn't wait to hear from him, always posting pictures, instant messaging with him into all hours of the night. We exchanged cell phone numbers, and began talking and texting constantly. I had been in a very unhappy marriage, and suddenly I felt alive and ecstatic. The Narcissist made me feel like there was no other woman in the world more special than me. He said I was his soul mate, the one he always knew he would end up with again. He said that the universe had given us a second chance, and we were going to make it right this time. He told me he had always loved me and had never forgotten me. He would tell anyone he could about our story and how special we were. His only complaint was that he didn't find me soon enough.

We were sitting in the car one day and he said, "Oh my God." I asked what was wrong, and he started crying. He said, "I am with the last woman I am ever going to be with, do you know how good that feels?" We both cried. I was so in love with him. I couldn't imagine ever feeling any better than I did at that instant. I felt that I could finally believe in true love, for I had never felt this way in my life. No man had ever made me feel more on top of the world. I couldn't stop smiling.

Big, huge, gigantic problem was, and I am NOT proud of this. However in looking back, it was a HUGE red flag that I chose not to see. I was still married, but in my defense, my ex-husband and I had talked about going our separate ways before the Narcissist came back into my life. This does not excuse me or my behavior. I had been faithful for my entire marriage, but in my heart, I felt that this was different; the Narcissist after all was my long lost soul mate and the universe had arranged for us to be together again, we were meant to be and my marriage was not.

Big, huge, gigantic problem number 2: he was living with a girlfriend. He told me long stories about how he and she had started out strong, but over time, had turned into a mere "roommate" like relationship. She was no longer fun. She was overweight. She was from out of state originally and had moved here for him. He was mad because she never wanted to meet anyone or hang out socially with anyone but him. She was a slob. He felt that he had turned into her "house boy." He said that the sex had stopped months before and it was never very good. He said that she didn't make him happy any longer.

In my research of the Narcissistic Personality, I have learned that this was the true devaluation of her. And to her, I am truly sorry. For what goes around, comes around.

Our relationship was founded on lies and secrecy. It was NEVER about ME. It was about what the Narcissist could hide from HER. He kept her around while things progressed with me. When things felt secure, he broke up with her, discarding her like a piece of garbage. All the while, he professed his undying love for me.

My husband and I separated, and then divorced. The Narcissist's old girlfriend moved back home. We could finally be together! My fairy tale had finally come true. I was on top of the world. He constantly told me how beautiful I was, how sexy I was. He wanted me all the time, and the sex was better than anything I had ever known.

He exploited me though, making videos of us; we had sex in public places, erotic rough sex, all the while keeping up the excitement that he said was what he loved about me. Said that no one had ever fulfilled him like I had.

Two months after we were officially together, I found out he had been cheating on me for the first time. He had his computer at my house, and I was using it, but I began to snoop. I found multiple naked pictures of other women he had recently added, emails, instant message conversations. He was calling them babe, he was calling them honey. I was so confused, surely this must be a mistake! He stated that he was just bored, he had always gone into Internet chat rooms, and he did not feel that this was cheating on me. He swore up and down (lies) that he did not have a web cam, they could not see him, he could only see them. I asked if he would stop. He said he would. He promised he would.

For a while it appeared as though he had stopped. Two months later, I was snooping again on his computer and found instant message conversations where he had asked some girl if his ass was showing on camera... I couldn't believe it. He went so far as to admit he had a web cam, and proceeded to smash it to pieces in front of me. He said he never wanted to ever be without me, but for some reason he didn't understand, he kept doing this.

Somehow I ended up apologizing for this... he used reverse psychology even back then, said that he was tired of hurting me. Said I would be better off without him, but I begged him to stay with me, said I forgave him. He again professed his undying love, said that I made him want to be a better man. Said that he didn't understand why I put up with him and promised me that it would never happen again.

So many times during our relationship whenever I would question him, because I rightfully had my doubts, he became angry. He would go for days without answering my texts, phone calls, even though I would beg. I poured my heart out to him, I apologized. I begged him to just answer me. He never did in all the time we were together. I would always end up driving over to his house, initiating conversation and apologizing, for what I don't know. I just knew I couldn't live without him and I would do anything to make sure he was in my life. We were soul mates and it was never supposed to be like this, we could get through anything.

In looking back over our last 6 months together, his love for me and our relationship had begun to fade. He wasn't as interested in me sexually, said we were just going through a spell. Said he didn't want to come over for various reasons, all the while reassuring me that everything was fine between us. He became angry when I was shy about being nude in front of him. He compared me once to his last ex-girlfriend because I kept my shirt on once while we were having sex. The last two times I was at his house, he wouldn't let me into his bedroom. Said that his roommate would think we were having sex, like that ever mattered before. The Narcissist was an exhibitionist and loved the danger, so this was out of character.

I had plans to go on vacation at the end of summer. I still had the time off from work, but I decided not to go away. He was mad, said that he thought I needed to go AWAY on vacation. I said I needed time off of work. He said that he had plans to go to a party that weekend, and that is why he thought I should go away, so we could both do our own things.

That Saturday morning, he was very rude to me on the phone. Short in fact, quick tempered. I had asked him to come over later that night, and he made up some excuse as to why he couldn't. I texted him during the day, but at approximately 3 pm the texts from him stopped altogether. Many texts and phone calls later, I never heard from him. I was in a panic.

At 8:30 the next morning I got a text from him where he stated "no joke, I passed out on the couch last night, I'm still hungover and I can't talk right now" or something to this effect. We finally spoke later on, but something was different. We fought through text messages back and forth, and finally he told me via text that he was "done."

Per usual, I texted and called him countless times. I went over to his house the next morning, but he wasn't home. No one seemed to know where he was, but that he had been out all night. I called his best friend who informed me that he was probably with the two skanks he had brought to the party on Saturday... the friend told me that the Narcissist had informed her that we "didn't make it," and that is why he was bringing someone else to the party. My "perfect" world caved in.

I confronted him with it, he didn't deny it. He lied though and said they were just friends, the girls were in town for the party, not for him. Said he met them online. Not for anything, he wouldn't tell me where he had been the night before.

He told me he fell out of love with me. Said that he couldn't put up with me anymore. Said that he wasn't himself any longer, said that I was too good for him. Said that he was tired of hurting me, said that we were through.

I held on to my addiction to him for about a week, I told him I wanted to be friends and he agreed. I was so addicted to him, I just wanted him in my life. Surely if he could see how wonderful I was, he would want me again. Surely if I was happy and beautiful, I could make him love me, he was just confused... but this was not the case. I was being dumped for my replacement. He told me that the only reason he was looking for me for 24 years was out of habit, he didn't ever expect me to be available. I asked why then did he stay with me for 2 years, and he said he didn't really know. His words were like a knife through my heart, cold and unfeeling... I felt like my heart died that day.

So here I am, now 5 days with NO CONTACT. In my mind, I know this is for the best, but my heart is aching. I was built up and then torn down, discarded like garbage. I keep checking my phone, surely he must miss me, he can't live without me, can't live without his soul mate. Surely he has had time to think about me, and he will call or text me. This is my heart talking... my head knows that we will never be together again.

I am not proud of my story. I fell in love with a mask, someone I never knew. I was vulnerable and he knew all the right things to say to me. I fell in love with the idea of him. He was perfect. He understood me. He knew all the crummy things about me and loved me anyway. He made me feel alive. He made me believe in true love, or so I thought.

I know everything happens for a reason, and hopefully I will learn something about myself. I do not need a man to validate me. I am beautiful and strong. I have a lot to offer the world, and I will go on. The Narcissist may have been in my life, but he is NOT my life. I was fine before he came back into my life and destroyed it, and I will rebuild better than I was before.

This web site has given me the knowledge I need and the support to know I am not the only one who has been addicted to a Narcissist. Thank you.