Ld123's Story

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#1 Aug 22 - 4PM
Ld132
Ld132's picture

Ld123's Story

I have had , what I thought was a very personal friendship with an employee (young gay male) as He, as with all Ns is very engaging and funny and talked about how I meant the world to him and I trusted him and enjoyed his company immensely. I always struggled a bit with the fact that our conversations were a lot about him but attributed it to his age he would message me daily and we built what I thought was a friendship. - at this point he thinks we are still good friends. We work in a school. I am the principal he a teacher. The day summer started he disappeared. The very rare Texts he sent were short and conversation ending. It was clear he did not have any interest in communicating much over the summer. He was invited to my cottage with his partner over the summer and cancelled the night before. When told him I was upset and was concerned that his attention was just using me he of course denied it and said he has had the same argument with all his friends (all of which he has had for a few years) he says his friends all call him an a*^hole because they think he does not care about him. He assures them he does and everyone is happy except me. I'm not buying it.
Looking at his behavior now with fresh eyes I see his narcissism clearly
My question. What do I do. He thinks we are still great even though he has pretty much stopped messaging me. He told me I mean the world to him and hope our friendship will continue to strengthen BUT. I am his boss. I don't trust him anymore I am hurt but want to be professional so hard to cut him out of my life. He is a master manipulator and I don't want him turning on me.
I still miss the friendship I thought we had so not sure September will bring.
Suggestions.

Aug 22 - 8PM
58 and going strong
58 and going strong's picture

Ld132, stay clear by all

Ld132, stay clear by all means. And with what you know now, I would watch him very closely at work. He may have a 'hidden agenda', and he has already 'entangled' you with that 'friendship' BS. Sorry for the drastic language here, but keep in mind that YOU HAVE CHILDREN TO PROTECT! Watch Sam Vaknin videos at http://www.youtube.com/user/samvaknin#g/u and educate yourself: Preferred professions for Ns are teacher, doctor, police - all those and then some who have a 'natural' image of respect to begin with in our western societies. I have a couple of more thoughts on your situation, but would rather share in a PM. So send me a message if you are interested. And Hunter's famous greeting: Welcome to Narcville! Glad you found this site!
Aug 22 - 5PM
Layla
Layla's picture

Gay, Strait, Narc, Non-Narc...doesn't matter........

.......it's NEVER a good idea to get involved intimately on any level with subordinates at work..... I would just let this all cool off to be honest with you- you have a good gig going for yourself.....don't ruin it for some young piece who sounds like a total game player...and if he is a N, he IS A GAME PLAYER. That's what they do! Also, we can't trust N's they are BLABBERMOUTHS!!!
Aug 22 - 5PM (Reply to #2)
Ld132
Ld132's picture

Good advice

Thanks Layla. Good advice and you are right. It is hard when you have been close to someone and hard when I am alone with no one on staff to talk to on a personal level but at the very least I can focus on the adults in the room and be more assute with my trust and friendship at work. I know all this but need to hear it from someone else. Sometimes a few times. Thanks.
Aug 22 - 8PM (Reply to #3)
PhoebeR
PhoebeR's picture

Sorry this is happening

Ld, Sorry this is happening to you, it stinks when someone you thought was your trusted friend turns out not to be such a good friend. I have had the same issues with a now ex friend, looking back it was all about her. She often brought up the fact that others blew her off and we unreliable, i think in truth she was the unreliable one. Layla is right. I have learned in the past few months to let the friendship fade. We also work in the same place, but luckily she is on a different floor and I don's have to see her everyday, but when we have run ins or are in the same place, I am polite, and that's it, mostly because it is the decent thing to do. Also, she is my trigger and makes me feel bad about myself, so the more i stay away the better. I suggest you try and do the same. Let it fade, toxic friends are a waste of time for everyone.