Has anyone heard of THE Silent narcissist, how likely is it they come back, mine has been gone a month and haven't heard a word form him, how often does the N come Back, and how long do they usually ignore you?
This is all entirely new to me, it makes me sick knowing that there is a possibility that he may never call again. We are not officially split but I know the silent treatment all too well as I am going through it again. He did call me again last time hense we are now back together or so I think until our little argument the other day regarding respect towards me. I know it's bad to feel the want of him calling me again..I guess I am saying that if I knew he would call again, maybe it would help me become stronger it the meantime..a feeling of "it will be okay, he will need you again and you wont be there type thing..just at a loss.
To keep yourself moving forward recognize that trying to figure out what he is doing/thinking doesn't effect your life anymore.
At first we may not like what happened to us as a result of letting an abuser into our lives. They got in because we were unaware. You are now fully aware and back in control of your life.
The truth is that, "It is what it is."
He is a memory that your mind is hanging on to. He really doesn't exist in your physical world.
When you fully surrender to the truth in what is, you will bring peace to your life.
this was posted back in August, I have come so far and I know and realize and accept who and what he is. I am hanging on to NOTHING anymore when it comes to him. This forum has helped me in so many ways.
I think what makes them come back is a combo of these references....
How desperate the n is at any given time( level of current supply such as new gf, good booty calls, n supplying friends or family )
Whether or not they believe that they will be accepted or rejected if they try (does he believe u still love him and that he could get you to sleep with him or console him in his current lack of supply)
how badly devalued the victim was at the last contact. ( in his mind, is the victim good for nothing, or good for something eg- sex money, status or attention )
How much the victim was onto the N (how much she exposed him to his real self)
The reason why most come back is that even when chances are doubtful Eg- Rejection is likely,the woman was fully devalued and discarded and she was also onto him, if he should ever loose all other supply, he will still usually come back.
We are not special though, just because he returns.
We all become numbers on a supply list with an ever changing value placed becide us.A value that only moves downward. If #1 isnt available then goto #2, if #2 isnt available then goto #3.Eventually new supply comes through and we are no longer in the top 10. Plus we eventually obtain a zero value becide our name, and then we become obselete.
I am loving this explanation! Now, is there an express lane to gain the zero and the 'obsolete' title?! LOL!
My exN won't speak to me in person but feels free to e-mail bomb me once in awhile.
Also, he has cut off contact with both of his sisters.
oh, and he won't speak to my mother either.
This is one of their standard tactics. There is no black and white answer. Mine has come back after over a month completely silent, but not all do. Others here have said that their N has disappeared off the face of the earth only to return years later!! A smaller number of folks related that their xN left (or they got the strength to leave the abusive relationship themselves) and never came back. I think some of the more seriously disordered ones have so much hate and contempt once they have decided they can't use you anymore or you are "onto them" that this is such an immense narcissistic injury to them they would as soon see you dead than ever speak to you again.
I don't know your story but if this person has NPD or could be otherwise psychopathic this is some valuable information which I refer to help myself maintain NC. I am sorry if it stings but everyone needs to understand this.
I think thats what he did he left the relationship himself, so I'm one of the lucky ones, he won't contact me anymore
he won't in the future. If you can, try to prepare yourself for that, but if it does not happen do not take it as a sign of some fault of yours! Be thankful that someone who possibly did not value you as you deserved to be valued and cherished is out of your life! xx Rose
I know him well enough to know he will not ever contact me, I was always the one who initiated contact when we broke up. he would never do that.But Iam doing alot of reading trust me
tomorrow is one year, and he has remained silent the whole time. The d&d was 17 months ago and he went silent for a month, would pop up every 4-6 weeks when it was convenient for him. He would ignore my attempts at contact. This went on for 5 months...until I saw the pics of his ow and him, dates on each pic. It all finally came together last 8/22...it was sudden and shocking to see the truth, but I was so grateful to be out of limbo.
I sent him a message that said I was happy for he and his girl and I wished them the best...and that it was time for me to let him go now. he waited a day and texted me..."don't be like that, she is a friend." (She preserved his birthday flowers "forever" for fuck's sake). That made me even more sick, b/c it was obvious that she was crazy for him...and he was telling me that she was a freind. Jerk. I didn't respond and then I blocked him on FB and then he raged. Sent me a text 2-3 days later...Saying that he had no idea what I was thinking and if we couldn't be friends, it was my loss. And whoever I tell my psycho story too, they will hear the truth from him. That I obviously had way differnt ideas of what a few times together meant. He then told me to keep his name out of my mouth and to leave him alone. I NEVER RESPONDED. That was 364 days ago~!!
I beleive I inflicted severe narc injury on him and he is paranoid that I am going to expose him and all his secrets he told me. So I honestly don't expect to hear from him again. But he is a narc and I have heard they always come back...he came back 25 years later and nearly destroyed me.
Its been a month since NC, I cant even imagine a year going by, No Contact and still THINKING about him? The most pain I still feel is the longing and yearning. I have to read his crazy emails to remind myself that he was no good for me and no good for any relationship.
The fact that hes NOT hoovering is driving me a little nuts. There were times when he was really sweet. I know youll say that was just to manipulate me, but...
The lust in my heart is also still there..He liked a little kinky, so did I. My hub is the farthest away from kinky. My hub doesnt even like sex really and said we never had any passion sexually anyway.
So Im NC with my ex-N, and no sex with my hub! I need to have romantic, sexual love! What am I supposed to do?
Trust me a hoover is nothing you really wanna deal with! I know it sucks, and it hurts when they don't do it, but trust me it will more than likely happen, I got blindsided a few times and it wasn't what I thought it would be, it hurt me more than the D&D , you can read on one of them in the favorites, Hunter put it there think it's called Rambo or something like that, you are still very fresh out of it, you have a long way to g, be strong and take care of yourself now, you have to re train yourself to do for yourself, we all at some point miss the sex, but it does pass, when you realize how robotic it all was you start to lose the desire to be with that person. Everything they do has a motive and I mean EVERYTHING!!!
Yes it has been over a yr, but I am healthy and I am strong! I am with a wonderful man now who treats me with love and respect! There is no drama, no hurt, no tears. It's not all about him, he makes it all about US! They are always sweet when they need something from you, don't let it fool you anymore.
In all honesty you need to delete the e-mails all that does is help you re live the nightmare and you will never be able to move forward if you keep reading the past, I know you think it helps as a reminder, but you are only hurting yourself.
What you need to do is break your addiction! We all had that sexual addiction I think, but it will pass. You have to take care of yourself and heal before you can move forward, if your husband doesn't like sex , then try to do something with him he has never done , get his imagination going, maybe that's all he needs, some guys need that because they are too scared of being shot down for wanting to try something new.
I am in a much better place, I love myself again and I laugh again, I am who I was before I met the exN which who is dead , he passes away a few months back , but it was something that hurt me badly but also healed me in so many ways, the nightmare was over for me, I get to live and he doesn't! My life goes on, his doesn't, even in life he was and would have always been a miserable man, these people have no souls, they are the spawns of Satan! God took me away from him for a reason, but gave me to him so I could learn a valuable life lesson, and that is I AM WORTH IT! I learned so much about my life and why I always had bad relationships, but I now know it wasn't me who caused it, I was with the devil! in more than one relationship.
Stay strong and take care of you. If you need to chat just PM me. Move forward NEVER back! It only gets worse each time you do, and the older they get the worse it gets!
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When It's All About Her - The Female Narcissist