Totally Stunned's Story

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#1 Aug 16 - 3PM
Totally Stunned
Totally Stunned's picture

Totally Stunned's Story

I was with a narcissistic man for just under 2 years. We had the typical honeymoon beginning with daily texts, calls, emails, and oh the charm and charisma of this man is un-nerving. He told me things that I hadn't heard, and the compliments were amazing. He made me feel like I was flying and I was the most beautiful woman in the world. I could quote a gazillion lines from the man's narc seduction handbook of phrases, but my personal favorite has always been that "he was uncomfortable at the thought of losing me ever". And..he craved attention. Told me he wanted to hear from me everyday. Was really upset if I didnt call him for a day or two.

It was a long distance affair, so we only saw eachother a few times with loads of loving over the phone via texts and airwaves. After each encounter, I was told how he loved me, treasured me, looked at me as someone permanent in his life and he was into our relationship for the long haul. Now. None of this makes me innocent. I could have said NO at any time. But I didnt. He knew exactly what to say to me, and I fell for each and every word.

Over the course of the relationship, I discovered he had been flirting with many other women, and although I didn't like it, I never said anything, because I always thought he was "just flirting" and I was still "the one". He also started showing his hot/cold behavior, and he started being very distant. Would never initiate any discussion. And he started to brag about his sexual relationships and how he is an amazing lover. The bragging made me sick.

One day in March, he chose to end the relationship. Yep. So...I went No Contact from that day on. NOT to help myself mind you...but I read that this may actually get him back. Can you believe this?

After a month of NC, he texted me asking if I forgot about him. And if I was avoiding him. He was sweet. I answered. Of course. I loved him, remember? We talked, and I received sporadic texts from him telling me how he missed me, he wants to hold me in his arms, he wants to take me places, he wonders what life would be with me, you know...the sweeping me off my feet texts. Calling me his lover, how he wants me stuff. I fell for it. Again.

I gave him a second chance. We met up at the end of July but his behavior was off. He was upset about not getting attention from family, etc. I was weak. I should have said no. Thought about saying no. But, I said yes instead. We left things by me texting him at the airport telling him how I will remember our time together with happy thoughts. He told me that "we are extremely compatible and everything seems just right when we are together".

HERE IS THE BOMB. I never heard from him again. Ever. Nothing. What the hell? He has NEVER just dropped me before like this. I have not contacted him either. It will be 3 weeks and neither of us have contacted eachother. Am I supposed to? Is he ignoring me? Did he have enough of me? Is he sick of me?

Right now, I am feeling hurt, anger and confusion. There is so much more to the story, but wanted to at least try to keep it short.

PLEASE, what on earth is he thinking? And why am I still stuck on him?

Nov 1 - 12PM
ewerewe
ewerewe's picture

Stunned is the perfect word! Stunned.

Your subject line caught my attention because that is the exact word I used over and over again after my N dropped me in one day after 8 months of a very intense relationship. Your pathway is so similar to mine and I feel for you. It's very hard to eliminate this person from your life after what they did but you can! My pattern was similar. We dated for close to two years. Long distance relationship. He said all the right things I wanted to hear...I was the one he wanted to marry, I was perfect and beautiful. He couldn't imagine life without me. He was done looking and wanted to marry right away. It was glorious. But the red flags were he would go cold really fast. He was on his blackberry all the time (I believe flirting with other women), he was EXTREMELY jealous. When I wasn't visiting him he was in bars most every night. He constantly talked about himself and needed continuous adoration. He is a known personality so strangers adored him all the time. I didn't hold him up on a pedestal as I've known this person since my childhood. He ended our relationship the first time last November - cold. He said he wanted to sleep with other women. I was completely stunned because the week before he wanted to marry. Stunned was the only word I could use. How could someone profess all this at his age and turn it off like a teenager. I'd never been around this type of personality so it took me by surprise as I"m sure it did with you. It took my breath away. I truly was stunned. A few months later he rekindled our relationship saying he was sorry, it was all his fault, he wants to marry, he will go into therapy. I was thrilled and went into it full force again. Maybe he did change? It was a whirlwind romance with travels, events and exciting times. Four months later, a day before my birthday, he says he started sleeping with other women and ended the relationship cold again. This was two months ago. Sweet. This time I wasn't stunned but still very hurt and really mad. Mad at him and at myself for being fooled again. He didn't allow the chance for conversation to clear the air. It was just over for him. I thought how selfish can one be? I asked to talk and he said he couldn't process his thoughts on it. However, after that abrupt ending, the next few days he sent me flowers, left phone messages, sent emails seeing if I was doing OK. It wasn't to get back together but to see his impact on me. It was all about him again. Seriously. I responded minimally so he got really mad about that and he sent a very nasty email saying it was over and not to respond to his email. It's been two months and there is no contact from him and I haven't reached out either. And I won't. This time I have a feeling he won't contact me because he knows I've seen through his veil. When a N type is exposed they run. They go to the next person. It's an addiction for them as they can't face reality. Recently I wrote down all the positives and negatives of this person and there were only 4 positives and a huge list of negatives. So here is a flag list that really captured my N's personality but I think is common traits for NPD's.....heavy drinker, smoker, recreational drug user, gambler, liar, ladies man, flirt, constant need of adoration, very, very jealous, never asked other people questions it was always about him, secretive, sexually very aggressive, addicted to social media (I think this is where he gets his "victims", preferred communicating in short pithy emails as opposed to actual conversations, wants to isolate you from friends and family, very few close friends but many distant "friends" because people want to be around him due who he is. He is distant from his kids. Married and divorced twice. In both cases he broke up existing marriages to marry the women. Had loads of affairs during both of his marriages and no remorse about it. What's the draw??? He is charismatic, a charmer, excellent writer, very good at his profession and recognized for it. He appears to be the "everyman" that everyone adores. That is until you get entangled in his web. Keep strong. Don't fall back again. Find a healthy person and it will make a huge difference! These N personalities are aberrations and very hard to cure, if at all. Be strong! Julie
Nov 2 - 4PM (Reply to #21)
jellybean
jellybean's picture

I salute you!

Good job, Julie! You are obviously taking care of yourself and you areso right about those N indicators too.
Nov 5 - 2PM (Reply to #22)
ewerewe
ewerewe's picture

Thank you, Jelly Bean!

Did you experience this as well? This is so new to me since I've had such good relationships in the past. I trusted this person because I knew him for so long. But instinctively, I knew at the beginning, it wasn't right. I was selfish as I forced myself to continue on due to who he was and not who he really was. However, I did feel like we truly had a bond that I never felt with anyone before. It almost seemed magical which is so refreshing at my age. But I also knew from reading old news articles that he had a reputation of being a sexual predator. On the opposite side of the fence -- others felt he was just the average guy next door. Fantastic, funny, smart and engaging. So I leaned toward the latter and dismissed the negative. Wow, was I wrong:) I learned! As we all do in this forum which is so helpful. Limit as much time thinking of the bad things and move on to the good things about your life, your family and your friends. These people just aren't worth agonizing over! Julie
Oct 26 - 6PM
dulcinea441
dulcinea441's picture

I'm so sorry for your grief.

I'm so sorry for your grief. I know the pain of which you speak quite well -- our stories are pretty similar in some ways, too. I was also involved in a long-distance relationship with my narc and he too ended things very abruptly (although, in his case, he did not completely disappear without a word -- he screamed at me when I called him one night (and after I'd gotten out a single "hello") to fuck off hung up and that was it, that was the end of our year-long love affair). My narc cut me off just like that. Yours, I feel may not be done with you, but is toying with you, off chasing other supply, whatever. In any case, it's clear that you're dealing with a very sick and disordered individual. I think the D&D in a long-distance relationship with a narc often happens in an even more dramatic and pronounced way than it does with non-LDR narc affairs. My theory is that they just grow bored more quickly without the stimulus of having you there, under their direct control. In other words, you're not around for them to f**k with and manipulate to the degree that they'd like to -- they can't physically menace you, or tell you your cooking sucks tonight, or have total control of your schedule or isolate you from other people they way they normally would, so they just drop you like that, buh-bye. About being discarded so suddenly, no -- it's definitely not how decent, loving people behave in relationships, especially not one who has identified you as his "soul mate." I read this article about relationships with psychopaths just today and one passage was particularly striking: ...healthy relationships don’t end abruptly, as if they never even happened because normal people can’t detach so quickly from deeper relationships." http://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/2011/07/29/a-painful-incredulity-psychopathy-and-cognitive-dissonance/ Please read this and know what you're dealing with. And stay NC even if/when he suddenly reappears as though nothing strange has happened. You deserve better than this total nutcase. Hugs, D.
Oct 26 - 6PM (Reply to #19)
dulcinea441
dulcinea441's picture

Oh -- I just noticed that

Oh -- I just noticed that this is sort of an old thread. But if you're still reading this, TS, I hope you're keeping NC. Stay strong! xoxo
Oct 26 - 5PM
darling.girl
darling.girl's picture

Brings tears to my eyes

Hi. Your story brings tears to my eyes because it evokes the time the rug was pulled out from under my feet, and my head started spinning. I imagine it can be irritating or comforting to hear so many of us say "same plot, different details." Read the other stories. Hear how similar we all are. It's hard to deny the reality when the stories are the same. To answer your questions: ...What is he thinking? He's thinking of who and where his best source of supply is. He made you think you mattered as an individual to him, but you never did and you aren't. I fought this reality for a long time. There were just so many great, intoxicating things he did and said during the seduction phase that masqueraded as true caring. People who truly care about you don't dump you abruptly and without explanation. ...Why are you still stuck on him? Because you believed the "reality" that he sold you. And you probably still want to believe what he told you was true and what he did for you was based on love. It wasn't. It will take a while to wrap your head around this. Then, it will be another step to wrap your heart around the truth. It took me almost two years after he dumped me to get to this point. I feel so badly for the suffering you are experiencing now. It HURTS!
Oct 19 - 9AM
DLP75
DLP75's picture

Typical

I too never knew about these people and was stunned. After nine years with this woman, I thought everything was going good until she called me on a Friday evening saying she didn't have her heart in the relationship. I always trusted her, but now have many reasons to think she was cheating for some time. She too would break up with me almost as if always when things were going good. It is definitely like a drug for them to have the best stuff, be treated the best way, (even though they treat people rudely), and have anything new. They become bored easily, and if you are the one boring them in their mind they NEED that "new" love. Very sick people! Mine has been gone 7 weeks now, and after the hating, crying, researching and praying constantly, I have reached a point where I look at her as evil and a poison in my life. I DO deserve to be happy with a woman who will love me in return, and am anxiously waiting on God to bring that special person to me. Hang in there!
Aug 17 - 7PM
Beach Dreamer
Beach Dreamer's picture

Totally Stunned:::Oh! NO

TS Isn't it UNBELIEVABLE what a N he is. I understand why your name is TOTALLY STUNNED. I went through EXACTLY what you are going through. My N would get close and then disappear for weeks. Of course I didn't realize he "disappeared" and would text for days to a F_ing blank wall. He never would respond. AND Then one day of his choice, he was back. He acted like nothing happened, and would get all warm and fuzzy again. I had NO idea this was a trait of a Narcissist??? CLUELESS....I was always hurt but always so desparately glad that he was back saying what he said so well that made me believe that he cared about me...."everybody loves a fool" I was the fool and I thought he loved me. YIKES!! YOU ARE SO LUCKY TO KNOW ABOUT NC and N behavior. I wish I would have known. He played with me for 3 yrs. ON - OFF....close-distant....warm-cold............ But now he plays with me NO MORE....and you too,,,,NO MORE Let's stay the NC course together!!! How RUDE they are...total Jackasses BD
Aug 18 - 9AM (Reply to #15)
Totally Stunned
Totally Stunned's picture

Beach Dreamer :)

Thanks for your reply and thoughts. You are so right in your words - 'I had NO idea this was a trait of a Narcissist??? CLUELESS....I was always hurt but always so desparately glad that he was back saying what he said so well that made me believe that he cared about me...."everybody loves a fool" I was the fool and I thought he loved me" Exactamundo!!! I was so hurt that first time he left. All I could do is think, why doesn't he suddenly want me? What did I do? So hurt, that when he did make contact after 6 weeks, I was so desparately thrilled to hear from him, to hear him speak all of those honeymoon seducing, wooing words, that I jumped right back in. And like you, I thought he loved me. I mean why else would he be calling/texting me again? He MUST have missed me, right? Well a dear friend of mine whom I trusted with the details of this relationship told his thoughts, that he thinks it was all about him and asked me if I had ever heard of narcissism. Nope. Never heard the word before. So...I looked it up. And holy hell did I find site after site...and the sickness in my stomach when every word I read was right on spot describing his behavior. Then I found Lisa's e-book and I read it in a day. Her book brought me to this group. God does watch out for us. I am still at the early stages and going back and forth from missing him and wondering why on earth someone can say such loving things, become intimate and then never call again......to the opposite end of the brain telling myself that it was all an act. None of his words were real. He wanted sex with another woman, and I was there...loving him and giving him all of the attention and admiration he so craved. Yes BD, I agree.....lets stay the NC course together!!! I am always here to help you in anyway I can. Blessings
Aug 17 - 5PM
HollyAnderson
HollyAnderson's picture

IDEALIZATION AND DEVALUATION

THEY IDEALIZE AND THEN DEVALUE. PROMISE YOU THE SUN MOON AND STARS THEN DROP YOU. NARCISSISTS ARE TEXTBOOK. We could all be talking about the same guy on here. They are cookie cutter. if you accept that you can never get back to the honeymoon period and start working to genuinely reprogramme your brain to undo the brainwashing. Otherwise you will exist in pain and search for answers that will never come. Do not half live your life. Return to the real world. Don't end up on anti depressants or live in misery. Start your exit strategy now. Downnoad lisas book. Work through the steps. It really works.
Aug 17 - 2PM
spinning
spinning's picture

Totally, my sweet, it is my

greatest hope that your STUNNING REPLY will be your STUNNING SILENCE! The echo of No Contact ringing in his ears. The HUGE SOUND OF YOU REJECTING HIM by no longer speaking with or engaging in any way with his sorry ass. To me, that would be the the most AWESOME reply of all! NOTHING!!!! Nothing but the sound of the constant ring in his ears. Teeheehee!!! I'm not so nice, am I? Remember, with some people NICE DOESN'T WORK!!! Love to you, too, TS. It's a journey and we're all here together making our way toward the light. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. NOT AN OPTION. I REJECT ALL CHAOS AND CONFUSION. THE SICK FREAK IS DEAD. NEVER EXISTED IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

spinning

Aug 16 - 4PM
ruby01 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Totally Stunned,

I personally think the silent treatment is their Achilles Heel. If well used, this time is like gold for you. Learn anything and everything you can about how these people operate. He's turned his back to you. Hopefully long enough that when he turns back around, you've made a great escape. xxx, Ruby
Aug 16 - 3PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

TS

Ahhhh, the silent but deadly type!! Same guy different body, yep could be my dog whisperer! Google the silent treatment, it's abuse, a form of control! What is he thinking?? Sorry to say not about you! Honestly, I have no words, Hunter is at a loss!! Hmmmmm, this truly is my story! It sucks, you can beg ( which will get you nowhere) or you can take pride in yourself and walk away!! He will pitch you a few crumbs from time to time but my suggestion is feel the pain now for freedom later! Delete him for good! It wont get better! Read everything! Hunter
Aug 16 - 3PM
spinning
spinning's picture

Totally, sweetheart, I'm so glad

you are here and you posted. You will hear from him again. It will be up to you what you do with that. You have already been discarded and hoovered. And discarded again. I am so proud of you for going NC (even if not for you) both times. DON'T STOP BEING NC. EVEN WHEN HE DOES CONTACT YOU. Why do I say this? Because I've been there. Unlike you, when I was discarded many times by the disordered one I was involved with (for six years of HELL), I always chased after him and apologized (!!!). One I found this forum and realized what I was dealing with, when he D & D'd me (it was physically violent) and took off I went immediate NC. It was brutal and very confusing, hard, confounding, etc. I was not posting here because I was so paranoid that somehow he would KNOW. (How sick is that!) Anyhow, on the 21st day he came pounding on my door at 5 a.m. I live alone, was frightened and startled. To make a long story short, I let him in and let myself in for another full year of HELL push/pull, crazy-making, poor treatment, abusive CRAP. It was the biggest mistake of my life. Totally, these guys never change. He'll contact you when his supply is low. It is up to you to step off the roller coaster and stop being treated poorly, stop lowering the bar and send the message that you are DONE. I'm at 9 months NC and I am here to tell you I am happier than I ever thought possible. I am 53 years old and never thought I'd meet others, much less interesting, attractive, fun, non-disordered men but I have. I am happy and people are responding to that! It's hard work but it is so worth it. Totally, I think it's awesome of you to go NC. Now the hard work begins of STAYING NC. We will help you and You'll be so glad you did. Most sincerely, (not) spinning. IT'S A FIGHT BUT I REFUSE TO GO DOWN. I NEVER AGAIN WILL LOWER THE BAR FOR ANY MAN, FOR ANYONE!

spinning

Oct 24 - 8AM (Reply to #9)
DLP75
DLP75's picture

Nice

I was just reading your responses and see where you have been out 9 months and are happy. Thanks for sharing that because I am only 8 weeks out of a 9 year relationship(?) with my female NARC. IT's still love one minute hate the next, but thank God she's found another man to feed her ego and hasn't called me. I DO know however that if she ever does I will definitely not respond. The hardest part for me not to respond is thinking that if I just get with her for a while, maybe I can find the answers to the questions I have for closure. But I know that even if that happened, the answers would be what she thinks I want to hear. Thanks again for your comments.
Aug 16 - 3PM (Reply to #2)
Totally Stunned
Totally Stunned's picture

Thanks so much for this very

Thanks so much for this very quick reply and I am not only in awe of you for your courage and strength, but send my love and support back to you. I am also very impressed with how well you are doing. IT shows that there is life after a narc. I have this burning question. When we "left things" after our umm...encounter.... we were cordial, nice. We left things on a good level, not mean or nasty. So what I am wondering is...I have also not contacted him. Personally, I always thought it was the guy who was supposed to do this, and he always did in the past. And I CANNOT believe after all the loving texts that lead up to our meeting, all of the romance, that he just dropped off the earth? HOW does someone do that? Oh yea, I forgot. My question. But is it wrong of me to go NC? Is going No Contact also giving him the silent treatment? Am I wrong also? Ugh! I feel like I'm going insane...questionning everything I do.
Aug 16 - 4PM (Reply to #3)
spinning
spinning's picture

TS, it's not insane to

question when you are in the confusion of dealing with a disordered relationship. Going (and staying) NC is not giving him the silent treatment. It is letting him know that it is NOT OKAY to discard you at a whim and then throw you a crumb and you'll come running. Unfortunately that is the message he got the last time you went NC and he hoovered and you let him back in. You see, to them that is simply a confirmation that they can do whatever they want whenever they want and it will always be okay with you. We both know it's NOT OKAY and that is no longer the case in your life. You do not NEED this kind of confusion, questioning, push/pull, so-called 'love.' WTF! You question about silent treatment because you are a nice, caring person. But as my sister used to tell me when I was trying to stop spinning from the disordered one 'NICE DOESN'T WORK WITH SOME PEOPLE.' In this case, being NICE to yourself by stopping the cycle of abuse is more important than being NICE to him. He isn't worried about being NICE to you, is he? TS, you are doing great. I know how confused you are and remember the hard, painful early days of the fog. I am here to tell you that fog lifts the more NC you have under your belt. You'll see! Now I just scratch my head that I put up with it for so long! I am examining the reasons for that and that is leading to true healing and happiness. I hope this helps, TS. It will be up to you (unfortunately), to decide that you've had enough. I believe you have! Most sincerely, (not) spinning. IT'S A FIGHT BUT I REFUSE TO GO DOWN. I REJECT ALL CHAOS AND CONFUSION. THE FREAK IS DEAD TO ME. NEVER EXISTED IN THE FIRST PLACE.

spinning

Aug 16 - 4PM (Reply to #4)
Totally Stunned
Totally Stunned's picture

That reply was amazing. I

That reply was amazing. I have no other words but thanks. Its so comforting to know those who have survived this and live to help others. The fog is still there (obviously) and I think about him about every 5-10 minutes. Ugh! He was such an ass when we were together, and the sick part is when we parted, I didnt even find him attractive. His behavior was so appauling that his looks diminished. But after 3 weeks...now I only remember the good stuff. Now I am missing him. The illusion of him. And it still blows my mind that a human can say all of those romantic things to another, then just ignore them as soon as they get their fill of them. Heartless bastard! Thanks again darling! YOU ROCK!
Aug 17 - 11AM (Reply to #5)
spinning
spinning's picture

TS, I hope you're

feeling okay...maybe even good...today. You have much to feel good about. For starters that you are no longer participating in something that makes you feel bad! At this stage one thing I did that really helped (because I thought I missed him even though like you I wasn't attracted to him any more, hated the anxiety of the relationship, etc. etc., and I was very sad and cried and felt so abandoned and erased and hurt. In order to try to get a grip on reality, I wrote two lists. One listed the good he brought into my life and the other listed the bad. The 'good' list had about four things on it. The 'bad' list grew to four pages long! My hand was flying across the page! I didn't even have to try to think things up! The TRUTH of the REALITY of trying to have a relationship with this NUTJOB was right before me! It helped! I still have those lists, though I don't need to look at them as much. Just thought I'd pass along this tip. It helped me keep focused on REALITY and not rewrite history by only "remembering the good." Today, sadly, though I spent six years with the man I can think of not one, not even one good thing he brought to me, especially now that I know how GOOD life truly can be! That's the REAL TRUTH! Love and hugs to you from, (not) spinning. AND IT FEELS GREAT!

spinning

Aug 17 - 1PM (Reply to #6)
Totally Stunned
Totally Stunned's picture

Hello Spinning :) The best

Hello Spinning :) The best part of my day so far is getting this message from you. Seriously. And great great advice on making that list. I will do that today. And if you don't mind, I'd like to share it with you? You really summed up my feelings very well, how bizarre is it that we all seem to understand these feelings of - "because I thought I missed him even though like you I wasn't attracted to him any more, hated the anxiety of the relationship, etc. etc., and I was very sad and cried and felt so abandoned and erased and hurt." I feel abandoned, REJECTED, erased and hurt. Yes - his behavior was horrific, and I recall sitting on the bed looking at him complain about his life and the recurring thought to myself in my head was, "I dont even find you attractive, WTF do I see in you? What draws me to you to begin with?" Today is the first day I have cried. And I have cried alot. We left things after our "what I thought was a beautiful ahem moment alone" (because it wasnt just physical to me, it was much more)... I digress. We left things with a loving kiss goodbye. A beautiful compliment from him and me leaving on the train. Him telling me that we are extremely compatible and when we are together, it all seems just right. Then silence. Up until today, I wondered why the silence, but chalked it up to typical narc behavior. When things got really really good between us in the past, he would go cold, back way the heck off with no explanation. But today - I remembered how he didn't talk to me at all the entire month of March - only to end the relationship March 30th. So today is the "what am I going to do when he does call me to dump me" day. Don't ask. Doesn't make sense, but even with the ass behavior and all the ugliness of the anxiety - I do not think I can handle the rejection. OH FOR A GREAT REPLY for when that call does come through. Sorry for the long vent. Love you!
Aug 17 - 2PM (Reply to #7)
Used
Used's picture

totally stunned

why do you think he will call you to dump you?...in his head he has already done that.....until he needs you again!!!! and if you go back again to this man of no substance ....he will do it again and again until your are a husk....you have a chance to keep your freedom ,not wait around for this sap to call....
Aug 17 - 3PM (Reply to #8)
Totally Stunned
Totally Stunned's picture

Hello Used: GREAT question!

Hello Used: GREAT question! About a year ago, I called my Narc to discuss a relationship question my daughter had going on in her dating life (we are both 47 yrs old with teenagers). My daughter/boyfriend broke up, talked about getting back together, and when my daughter essentially agree to try the relationship again, her boyfriend said NO, and wanted to end things. Both my daughter and I were confused, because the dear boyfriend missed her, etc. So....I asked my Narc what was up with that? Here is his answer.... "Easy explanation. The boyfriend was protecting his fragile male ego. He knew they would never last/be permanent, and he would rather break things off with her as opposed to being dumped. Men do not like to be rejected, so they will initiate the break-up first." Should have been a red flag, but I was in love. Ugh! Back in March - another 3 weeks of silent treatment from his part alone and I of course would call/text him asking "hey, whats wrong?" "are you ok?" Then he decided our relationship was wrong and ended things. Fast forward to present day. Its been 3 weeks since I have heard from him....and 3 weeks since he has heard from me. Neither one of us has called the other. There was no "final" break-up. Nothing but that loving kiss goodbye, leaving alot of assumptions. So of course he will not leave it to an assumption that I am ending this - so he will have to do it to save his precious ego. Long explanation - sorry.