O2bfree's Story

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#1 Aug 12 - 6AM
O2bfree
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O2bfree's Story

This story has been a long time coming…I have been reading on the forum since Nov. 2010. I wish I would have taken all the great advice I’ve read and stopped any contact with him at that time.
This story might be long…so I understand if you can’t get thru it all.
25 years ago I met this guy…I was 17 and he was 21. At that time N was in a long term relationship with a women…however N pursued me relentlessly. N would leave flowers outside my door everynight…I didn’t like him and didn’t want anything to do with him…however N kept pursuing, so we did go out a couple of times….I remember his girlfriend would follow us..she was so angry…now I know why. Well, it never amounted to anything with him…I lost track of him until 22 years later.
Married..and content was where I was in my life. I had just lost my stepfather, and we had just buried him the day I ran into the N again after 22 years. N said hello, but I ignored him and N went about his day. Fast forward…3 months later I ran into him again…(keep in mind N is long distance..but I do frequent the same town as I have family there) N pursued me relentlessly again…I said..NO, I am married…N was just going thru a divorce so I assume N was looking for supply at that time. Even though I said no…I did exchange number’s with him if ever N wanted to talk. Well..that’s when the love bombing started…”hey beautiful”…you know the stuff. I still was not interested and I was content with my life….however N kept at it…I was not attracted to him…however I was attracted to the attention..and that is what drew me in. I am not happy about it, and I feel so wrong that I ever crossed the lines, but I did. If only I had known what was in store for me over the next 3 years. Of course the first 8 months were wonderful..so charming, I was his prize, I was on a pedestal, a princess, N did everything for me. N said N wanted to marry me…N even bought me a ring. N said N would wait for me no matter how long. My gosh, I felt that I had found the love of my life….I told him that I would talk to my husband and get a separation. I planned the night I would do it…the N knew when it was happening. The N also knew I would need support. However, when I went to contact the N that night, he didn’t accept my calls nor respond to my texts. Hours went by with no sign of the N. I needed his support. Finally about 6 hours later N called to tell me N was out with someone and N was having a good time and didn’t want to be bothered. WHAT!! I couldn’t believe what N was saying. I was so hurt. How could N be out with someone else? N never apologized and I didn’t ask any further questions. N didn’t like questions. N once told me “what you don’t know won’t hurt you”. N didn’t like that I was weak and had feelings, N didn’t want any of that. N once told me that N was stern and stubborn…N said N is either nice or mean, nothing in between. Ok…time went on…only I started seeing so many changes. Again, being long distance and me having kids I couldn’t just go see him all the time. N told me that I had to come see him because N wasn’t going to waste his money on the travel. I did what I could…I would go see him as much as possible. N started going out everynight, and I do mean everynight. Keep in mind N is not young, but really likes to think N is. N would be out everynight until 2 or 3 am…I know this because N would say nite when N got home. The times I was there visiting him, IF he took me out…N would put on a show for everyone. The women surrounded him, N would by the whole bar drinks, N was the show and I was in the background being ignored. N would flirt and eye up every woman N could. His eyes would be all over them. N would make comments to me about the women. “nice ass”, “nice tits” “she would be hot in bed”, etc. flirting and perverting all night. Once when I was sick but still came to visit, I asked if we could spend the night at home…N told me “your not going to ruin my night” “you should never have come” “I won’t sit at home on a Friday night..not ever!” When N drinks N gets verbally abusive. N would rage at me and try to kick me out of his car. One night after being out and having him flirt and eye up other women N started to rage at me. I knew N was very drunk but N would not let me drive. (I hadn’t been drinking at all) So, I asked him..please let’s go home…N dropped me off at his house and said see ya..N left and went out for 3 more hours. This was the thanks I get, I come and visit after not seeing him for 3 weeks and N gets drunk and leaves me. N told me I better be in his bed when he gets home. I was so upset, and I didn't have my car, so I took a cab ride over to my relatives house. At 3am N started calling, I didn't answer.
One time while I was in his town, N said N would be done working by a certain time, I called and texted him asking when we could meet up, N didn’t respond…I left at least 2 messages and 4 texts…nothing. I went downtown..it was about 3 in the afternoon…there N was drinking at a bar with a girl N had taken out behind my back when I was telling my husband I wanted a separation. Keep in mind she is 18 years younger than him… I was upset of course. I asked him to come outside and talk to me. N completely refused and went to the bar and bought HER another drink and asked me to take it over to her. I refused and just left. After that N called me a stalker for coming to find him..I said I don’t think so, you were supposed to meet up with me and I just happened to find you and bust you. Well, this was the first of many silent treatments I got. N would not take my calls and told me to stop contact and quit stalking him. The silent treatment was the worst feeling, I felt dead. This was back in November and this was when I found this forum. I realized what N was. Seeing how N always put on a show, throwing money around, being better than others, cold, no empathy, no feelings, making himself out to be the big guy. Well…finally I got him to answer the phone..and N told me “a hole is just a hole”, and that’s all I was to him..and then N said “but hey, if you wanna come down and fuck me once in a while I’m good with that, I’ll take any hole”. Keep in mind N is VERY good when it comes to the bedroom. After that N hung up on me and went back to being silent. I didn’t hear from him for weeks…but then N pulled me in again. Stupid me!
Fast forward…November until now…I have dealt with him giving me crumbs, him partying everynight and knowing N must be hooking up and knowing N is perverting others. (By the way, N told me one night a guy hit him for flirting with his wife…N told me that N did not flirt. Hard for me to believe, because I have seen N flirting and perving constantly when we were out)
Since Nov. I have dealt with more silent treatments, and verbal abuse from N. I wanted to make it work because I kept thinking how wonderful he was in the beginning. He always told me he would never change for anyone, one of his favorite things he would say is “It’s all about me, and I love who I am”…
One last instance I will tell you about is that my friend had a 3 year old that died unexpectatley from an accident. N said oh well, he said life goes on…he did not comfort me whatsoever…N told me to suck it up and stop crying. He said if your going to cry he didn’t want to be around me.
So, the final dance with N…Last week I texted him from a new number. N assumed I was another woman..so yeah I played along and found out way too much. N wanted to take her home…among other things. I busted him and said who I was. Well, his response was that N didn’t want us and N deserved to have fun. I was so upset and I did blast him. However since then I have tried to reach out for some sort of closure, it has been 6 days and no response, I being stupid texted him endlessly because I want and needed closure, but I know I will never get it and it is no longer worth it…he loves giving the silent treatment, and I am certain N is smiling that I gave him Supply, N acts as though I am dead to him. N has no feelings and does not care. I am starting NC today. I am done and will never look back.

Aug 12 - 7AM
monilove
monilove's picture

O2bfree - I can only wish you luck

Your story sounds like a painful one. I can relate to many things you talked about, however infidelity on any level was never an issue for me and the N. I did experience the rage, the silent treatments, the lack of support, irrational behavior, throwing me out of his car, kicking me out of his house and so on. I am so glad to hear that you are embarking on NC. This is day 3 of my 3rd attempt at it, so I know your emotions are probably running wild right now. I have made 30 days NC twice before, only to have the N contact me and I fell back into the trap. At least I had the good sense to get back up and start over. I hope you do not experience these setbacks with NC. I hope you stay strong and cut this asshole loose. Let him go disrespect all of these other women that he loves to ogle so much... Let him stay at the bars and drink himself silly... Let him go and be the deuchebag that he was meant to be. I don't know if you have done NC before? If you have then you know that once you get even a week free from this N, you start to feel better. If you have not done NC before, then just know initially you will want to text, phone or email. Those feelings will pass. I have never felt so good about myself as I did when I got to about week 3 of NC. I felt detached from the N, enjoyed doing things on my own and I loved the quiet. The quiet that came from NO DRAMA, no abuse and no rage. I am still struggling to let go myself, but I am determined to break free from my abuser. I support you and your efforts and I wish you the best. No one deserves to be treated like crap. Please keep your distance and free yourself from the trap you once called a relationship. Monique
Aug 12 - 8AM (Reply to #4)
O2bfree
O2bfree's picture

I have tried NC once before,

I have tried NC once before, and you are right, it is so hard the first few days, but I gave in after a week. So now..today I feel like I need to try and reach out. But I won't. I am going to stay NC and stay close to this board for the strength I need. The silent treatment hurts so much, and it so immature. I keep thinking of how nice he chatted with me via text when he thought I was someone else. I hadn't seen that side of him in 2 years! I guess I turned into the whore for him and she is now the Madonna. No more! Im done..I will let him drink himself silly!
Aug 12 - 7AM
Layla
Layla's picture

You'll never get closure because N is a narc azzhole.

Why hello! He loves giving the silent treatment? Good.....that means he knows BEING IGNORED SUCKS so ignore away my friend! NO CONTACT for this AZZCLOWN! I'm ticked off just reading this! Where do these azzholes get off, anyway? Pardon my language...I'm just irritating reading this because these tools need a butt kicking in the worst way.......
Aug 12 - 8AM (Reply to #2)
O2bfree
O2bfree's picture

Thank you so much

Thank you so much Layla..just reading your response made me feel strong today!! He is an AZZCLOWN and even though I feel like I want to scream and shout and get revenge on him, I know that he would love the attention because it is supply....So yes, I am NC all the way. Done with him!