lil lamb's Story

I have been married for 20 years. He left me in May for the ow who is also much younger and his best-friends ex. They had a brief affair last year and she ended it, she also has a borderline personality and histrionic personality disorder, they are both in AA. He kicked me and our two kids out of our home once the affair was public, we moved into a apartment building he owns, ( my narc is a cop and owns 10 rental properties and our home), it was a nasty little 400 sq ft apartment, but we survived it. It wasn't until a month into my therapy that my therapist who was also friends with my narc, told me he was a narc. I read up on everything I could find and it literally made me sick, how did this man find me, why didn't I see the control he had over me for so long, why was I so easily discarded for this ow? I have been going over our marriage, here are some of the things I have come up with. He was wonderful in the beginning, I'd say the first 3 years, then I would get made fun of for whatever reason, I was belittled, I felt inadequate. He never hit me or verbally cursed me, it was very subtle. He never told me he loved me, or was affectionate, never told our kids he loved them or was affectionate with them either. He needed a lot of ego stroking on how wonderful and great he was, he put people down all the time, behind their backs of course. I thought it was all due to the job? he didn't like to do things with us, which he now does with the ow and her two younger kids. This past couple years I felt like I was walking on eggshells trying to be perfect and keep him happy. After we separated he told me I never cooked, cleaned or decorated our home, it was a very old home that needed lots of work, which he wouldn't do for me but has since for her. He had everyone believing I was anti social when it was him who excluded me. He said I was never supportive with his job or his karate, and that I didn't give him respect? My head is still turning from some of the things he has said. He tell me I'm psycho, bi-polar and I need help, and that I stalk him. I just don't know where to go from here, he clearly has chosen her and I have been discarded, how to I move on with my life and stop this craziness and is he really a narc or just a total douche? Any help or advice would be welcomed!