I’m just less than 3 weeks with NC, and I’m still reeling from confusion, pain, anger. I spent the last 2 years of my life on a crazy roller coaster from hell…only to end up discarded like a piece of trash. My N had been in love with me for 22 years…or so he says. He remembers me snubbing him in high school. My guess is that he has taken great pride in taking a confident, successful, attractive girl who snubbed him down to the studs. Sweet revenge for the N.
He found me when I was suffering from a double whammy that life dealt me….a break up of a serious relationship and my friend and business partner stealing my business. I was completely devastated. And guess who popped up…yep…the old N buddy from high school who was a great shoulder to cry on. Before I knew it, he had reeled me in….and I was caught in a 3 way relationship because he wasn’t actually divorced yet. Yep…I was NS back up plan.
At one point when everything was falling apart around him (i.e. – me and his wife were figuring out he was a big liar), he decided he was “depressed” and suicidal and took a trip to a high end mental facility where they actually diagnosed this asshole as a narcissist. I should have looked that up when he told me. When he came out of the facility, he was able to blame his entire divorce on his wife’s inability to work through his infidelity. She was no longer buying his act, and he wanted no part of her. And, I was stupid enough to think he was choosing me. Nope…just figured the wife was over his crap and would never let him live down his crappy behavior.
The next year was actually pretty good. We traveled the world, went to amazing places, had great experiences…it was like a fairy tale. We bought a house together, were in the middle of remodeling it, he gave me an engagement ring, I started planning a wedding…life was good! Except that deep down, I knew it wasn’t . Something didn’t add up. I would try to have normal conversations and would get verbally beaten into submission when he thought I might be insulting him in some way. I started trying to keep my mouth shut…but that’s not really easy for me. I’d have one glass of wine and open Pandora’s box…and oh man…did I ever regret it. No matter what the issue was, I ended up apologizing for something…even when I had every right to question his behavior or actions. I caught him lying one time and no kidding….I ended up apologizing to HIM for not appreciating everything he’s done for me. Seriously? I totally question my sanity because I was not the kind of woman used to putting up with this bullshit. But, I did. I did it because I am about to be 40 and thought I had found my life partner…the man I had waited for all my life. I knew he was a monster, and I chose to ignore it. Maybe it would be better if we were married.
But we never got that far. Over the past 6 months, things went drastically downhill. He started drinking all night and sleeping all day. He demanded that I had anger issues and said I needed to get on medication and seek therapy (which I did, Thank GOD). He randomly would rip the carpet out from under me and tell me that he wasn’t sure he wanted to be married to me….then say he was just upset and I should ignore him when he’s like that. I was totally brainwashed and now living with a moody, mean alcoholic. I tried to have a conversation with him about it…but he wasn’t interested. He didn’t need help…didn’t need to change…didn’t need a therapist. He was comfortable ignoring me and sitting on his computer for 20 hours a day. I finally had it one night when we were sitting at dinner, and he was yet again ignoring me at the table…texting on his phone (setting up next NS). I had the audacity to throw a glass of water in his face and leave him in the restaurant. He says it was the worst thing that has ever happened to him. I think that’s funny…I wish that was the worst thing that’s ever happened to me! In any case….he broke up with me. Then immediately began sending me emails and asking me to come over. I thought we were working things out. Then 3 weeks ago, I wasn’t able to find my phone in his condo. So I asked him to let me use his cell to call mine so I could hear the ringer. He acted really weird….scrambled when I grabbed for his cell phone. Then he says he had changed his cell passcode. I asked him why he changed the code, and he went nuts….blew up at me…said he had broken up with me weeks ago and didn’t know why I was still around. Told me the dog we had purchased together 2 days before was HIS and that he had no intention of sharing his life with me. Huh? I’ve never been more confused until I came to this forum. I realize that he had already made an exit plan…he realized that I wasn’t going to keep my mouth shut and go along with doing everything HE wanted. I wasn’t going to excuse shady behavior. He’s done with me. Hasn’t tried to contact me once. Discarded like the trash.