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Warrior Princess' Story

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#1 Jul 29 - 7AM
Warrior Princess
Warrior Princess's picture

Warrior Princess' Story

My ex-husband, with whom I was married for 10 years prior to separating has a long history of deflecting what he is doing by falsely accusing me of cheating on him. He has serious cognitive distortions, which was validated by his own therapist. Now, after three years apart and being divorced with two children, he is still hyperfocused on my personal life. Within the Court Order, he is barred from asking the kids about my personal life. I had a Protective Order in effect for one year after he trespassed on my property in 2009. He has called me incessantly at times, e-mailed, and asked pointed questions unrelated to the kids. Because we have kids, communication is inevitable, but I keep it to a minimum. My Facebook and Yahoo accounts have apparently been compromised even after ongoing password changes and measures taken to safeguard my privacy. This man cheated on me for years, then I get divorced and began a relationship with someone else. My ex is obsessed with this relationship, it seems. This pathological obsession has absolutely nothing to do with "love." He still believes in his sick mind that I am property- objectifying me as if I am someone he owns. I've learned that N's do this as a means to exert power and control, to intimidate and incite anger and anxiety. I am concerned by his intrusions into my life. I wonder if anyone here on this site had gone through the same harassment and stalking and if so, what you did to protect yourself w/ accounts online and with communication when kids are involved.

Aug 1 - 8AM
Warrior Princess
Warrior Princess's picture

Ex and No Boundaries

Thank you for your posts. When I read someone else's experiences with a man much like my ex-husband, I begin to depersonalize all of this- It's not about me, it's about him (ergo, the title of Lisa's book). Like me, other women have been scapegoated, with husbands projecting blame on their wives while they are the ones cheating on us, hacking into personal online accounts and voice mailboxes in an effort to marginalize, scapegoat and stalk their innocent spouses- so sick and very pathetic. The key is to move forward in spite of the daily or weekly rants and false stories, trying to keep the children insulated from their father's emotional roller coaster ride. I try to keep the focus on me, changing what I can within my own life and trying to let go of thinking I can change him. Al-Anon has helped a great deal, and hearing other women's stories of what they went through and how they've managed to make new lives for themselves. Thanks for the feedback and the support- I appreciate it!
Aug 1 - 2AM
Survivor101
Survivor101's picture

I am still going through

I am still going through this... but I haven't spoken to him in a while I am trying NC as much as I can but as you know that is impossible with kids in the mix. He has to some extent finally realized I am not his I think I hope, but I doubt it he is probably just trying to think of another angle to approach the situation every other angle he has tried has backfired. Like Lisa says they always come back. I don't have an answer for you but all I can say is to stay strong and focused, which it sounds like you are already doing. Mine would phone me when the kids were with him screaming and yelling who is with me who is in my house and he is going to kill that person etc BUT he knows about my girlfriend.... talk about a freaking lunatic. These guys are sick and like you say they see you as their property so they don't see anything wrong in doing this. Much love and strength to you!
Jul 29 - 1PM
lillymarch
lillymarch's picture

Yes, I've been through this..

Kicked my exN out the first week of Dec 2010 after talking with the woman he had a 1 1/2 year affair with. This was during my pregnancy and first months of my current baby.. Had a (much younger) family friend who was also my husbands friend help me fix my cook stove. It was Christmas time and need help from this friend because he had a truck. His wife left him months earlier with their son. We talked and text about how hard it was to be lied to and left. For six months I was a literal disaster! Not even my beautiful children could pull me out of the despair and shame. Anyway, my kicked out husband turns the tables. It's all about me cheating. He gets into my phone and my email. My biggest concern is for this young man and his battle for his child. I did not have an 'affair' with this other man. And if I did or wanted to my ex-husband was kicked out, had been having numerous affairs throughout our marriage and so full of himself, I could have-guilt free. He berated, argued, and accused me for months. He'd sit in his car in the driveway and cry because what I supposedly did. I was supposedly doing all this with a brand new baby. It's so psychotic. You all know the devastation these men leave. I was in no position to sleep with anyone. Anyway, I still think he has a keylogger program on my computer and who know what he has on my phone. At this point I have nothing to lose and nothing to hide so I'm not too worried about it. Someday it would be nice to be completely free but with children involved I don't see that happening.