I Can't Believe IT's Story

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#1 Jul 26 - 6PM

Beach Dreamer

I Can't Believe IT's Story

My story is different. My N is my love. I am trying to face the truth but it is a slow process. 5 weeks ago, I told him I never wanted to see him again. I have wept. I have wept alot. I believe in the power of attraction.
*I am grateful and thankful I will have a beautiful loving life without him!!!(It's my chant!!)
I am a very spiritual person. I have cried for him and I pray for him. I feel sick when I read all this information. I believe his love for me was authentic and prior to his state of N. We have known each other and friends since we were 14 years old. Our time together was innocent. Way back when!!!
I think he is a highly functioning Somatic N. No one but his woman would know his dysfunction. We have shared a deeply emotional connection from a long distance apart. 3 years ago sept. he told me his feelings had changed to a romantic nature. I broke off a 7 yr relationship to be with him. He was going to break off from the woman who he had the affair with that ended his marriage. I believed him. He would talk such amazing talk to me. I/we was/were euphoric! We would get so close....and then I wouldn't hear from him...I started seeing and living this painful pattern. ON-OFF.....ON-OFF.......ON-OFF....He seduced me from a distance with promises of our long awaited life together. He was extremely sexual and loved the erotic. He visited me many times and we evolved in our physical intimacy.
He was my "Mama Mia"!! We would be together!!!
This last time 10 weeks ago...we were so close and then he shut me out for NO reason. He would not respond to my text or e-mails...At first I figured he'd eventually respond ...he didn't....
my pain was so deep this time...............I finally told him 5 weeks ago in a text
"I NEVER want to see you again"........
I am an intelligent, accomplished woman with many degrees....I make a great living...I am very independent...I am charitable and sweet!
I am broken hearted that my deep felt love for this man has been so tossed aside.
I am processing my decision. I KNOW I deserve to loved by a loving and healthy man. I know I will pull through this ....I will use my artistic talents and create beauty out of this pain. I realize that I am not "woman enough" for this man and his addiction. I actually feel sorry for his new source. I want to be strong enough to ignore him when he tries to make contact with me. I believe he will eventually as he has in the past 43 years....he told me he was closer to me than any person in the world. I believe him except he threw me in his "authentic heart box" and threw away the key so he can pursue his fake and deceitful macho life. My final words to him were "Finite... Mi Amori" ............I loved him ....but I love me more!!! God help me and every person who suffers the pain from this Narcisisstic Illness..........it dwells in the deepest recesses of our hearts and souls....I pray "God forgive him...he knows what he does" He will never know how much he hurt me....because he will never speak to me again...Amen!!
ps. This info has helped me piece my story together....I never suffered the verbal abuse that I have read about...I suffered from the lies, manipulation, seduction, and the broken dreams and most of all the SILENCE....the worst abuse of all.......SILENCE
I can't believe it....it's numbing

#2 Aug 3 - 4AM

How could I

my story too

I have not been exposed to verbal abuse by this man. Only the lies. (guess lies are verbal abuse! LOL) He tells me how beautiful, classy, and smart I am. (Only if I was smart, I'd be outta here! ) I will have to quit my job to be away from this man, making it even more difficult. I now believe he is charming the pants off (LOL) of another girl in the office. He tells me they are just friends and there is nothing going on. Only thing is - they spend so much time talking to each other, I just feel he is doing to the same charm game to her that he did to me. The lies I have caught him in have to do with times he is with her. And, before his "friendship" with her started, she and I were close friends. This man was my "soulmate" and we could finish each others sentences. THis is tearing me apart. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. I am an educated, christian woman who can't believe I am in this mess.

#3 Aug 3 - 7AM (Reply to #14)

Beach Dreamer

Take CARE of Yourself

Your situation sounds difficult. I am sorry to hear that you are going through it. *I was able to say "I don't ever want to see you again" after many weeks of his silence. I prayed and focused on self-direction in my present life without him. I read my prayer books and favorite passages and journal every morning. This has really helped me stay focused. And I keep saying, "I AM THANKFUL AND GRATEFUL TO BE HAPPY WITHOUT HIM". I started new projects that I was always talking about but never did. I planned a 4 day end of summer vacation with my sisters. I stay in better contact with my children. Anything that you can do to put sweet distractions in your life will be beneficial. I think in the last week this websight and listening to YouTube Dr.'s talk about Narcissism and Pychopaths has helped me so much. It helps me realize all I am guilty of is believing another persons words and actions towards me and loving him. But I am not responsible for him being a liar and messed up. His departure prior to me telling him I never wanted to see him was so painful. But now I am grateful for everything anew. My thoughts of him everyday are getting less and less....I will not allow myself to hear his voice and all the charming lies he smooooooodged me with...without them he's nothing to me. And I want to keep it that way. *I would be doubled over in pain if I had to watch him play with someone else like you described....your suggestion to leave and get another job might be the right thing to do. Listen to your intuition on that. Letting go of a N is a full energy task that takes discipline and new self-direction and NO CONTACT. You expressing your feeling here is a good thing. You have support here...! Peace BD

#4 Aug 3 - 5AM (Reply to #13)

58 and going strong

Want it or not - you are in

Want it or not - you are in it. That's why you are here. Go NC immediately. Looks like he is using your friend to hurt you. You' ll be fine, but only without him!

#5 Jul 28 - 10PM

58 and going strong

The law of attraction

Beach Dreamer, The law of attraction worked for me: I knew and occupied my mind with what I never ever wanted in my life again, and guess what - I got it, and even worse than before . . . i am 58 years old and I am as intelligent and educated as you are. It's just that sometimes our souls and minds and bodies are so terribly out of balance. Driven by physical needs after being alone for so long I have acted in ways that I taught my adult children never to act like . . . I was very fortunate that after 4 weeks of highly erotic encounters my body started to act out what I still denied and then my brain started to kick back in. And then I had to call the police . . .-- Keep dreaming of what you want now, and it will come into your life: all the love and happiness and respect you deserve. It starts right here with what we give to each other.

#6 Jul 27 - 3PM

fragile

Five weeks

How does it feel after five weeks? I just have five days under my belt, and the story sounds a bit like yours, except there was plenty of hi and lo and some mental abuse. How is it going, and what do you feel after five weeks?

#7 Jul 27 - 7PM (Reply to #10)

Beach Dreamer

This is the strongest I have felt!

5 weeks...and I feel like the break is possible! He never would give me closure just like so many have said. But this time....I am not waiting for him to give me closure. I am giving ME closure. I have told him flat out, I NEVER want to see him again. All the times before he'd get close to me and then just quickly fade away into silence to come back and act like nothing happened days, weeks, monthes later. And I was always so eager to have him back. He always answered my questions and gave me such good reasons why he parted ways with me. And we would be emotionally intimate all over again. And I'd believe him all over again. It's the pattern that became so obvious. ON-OFF....On-Off....over and over....I about fell off my chair when I read that that is classic N behavior. It's like the light bulb went off and the sirens rang. It all made sense. I wasn't dreaming the cruelty and the deliberate mind games he was playing with me. I wept and wept when I saw the truth. I'd sit in the dark under the stars and weep. That was the first three weeks. I felt the pain. I was honest and allowed myself that. Two weeks beyond that and I am making plans for myself. Starting to get things done and seeing new beginnings in many areas of my life without thinking about him. Tonight I discussed this with my daughter and broke down and cried. She understood because she was hurt terribly by a N. But since then she has fallen in love and married a sweetheart!!! It's possible for all of us!! I am not angry now...NOW I feel so sad and sickened that he is sick with Narcissism. What a shame...for both of us. I have a "true to myself" fortitude that has kicked in. I am a survivor. I will NOT let him hurt me again. Or should I really speak the truth and say..."I will not let ME HURT ME by ever having contact with him again". I care about myself too much. Keep reading about N. Go into youTube and listen about N. It has helped me so much. I have plans to document the pain he caused me so that I never FORGET...so I never allow it again. I pray and say my affirmations every day. " I am so GRATEFUL and THANKFUL to have a new life without a NARCISSIST" I am making plans to lose the weight that I gained through all this pain and stress...and I booked a Christmas vacation...and I am focusing on accomplishing many many things in my life without him....WITHOUT HIM....WITHOUT HIM.......I have asked my Angels to protect me from this seductive, lie-ing, cheat-ing, shmoooooooooo-zing two faced man...God help us all!!!!! 5 weeks and I am BELIEVING in myself more than I have in a long long time!!! :) peace be with you!! eileen

#8 Jul 27 - 1PM

spinning

Beach Dreamer...

I, too, know the confounding pain of silence. The disordered one I was involved with VANISHED into thin air after a six year so-called relationship. I, too, closed the door on a stable, long term relationship for the promise of the disordered one's undying, mad and passionate cannot-live-without-you love. BD, I'm here to tell you that at almost 9 months total NC, the silence is a blessing. HIS BRUTAL D & D HAS TURNED OUT TO BE THE BEST THING HE EVER DID FOR ME!!! My life is so amazing now. I am happier than I have been in years and never ever dreamed these things would be happening to me at age 53!!! Keep chanting your affirmation. Keep looking for the blessings and acknowleding them. This is a most difficult journey but you have already made the most difficult step. You must excise him from your life. NC NC NC, EVEN WHEN HE TRIES TO CONTACT YOU. Think about changing your phone number and email address in the near future. I am so sorry that you had to land here, but this is the right place for you to find information, wisdom, compassion, validation and even humor! This is an outstanding community filled with smart, caring people. Beach Dreamer, I cannot wait for the joy that lies ahead for you. Keep pushing forward, it will pay off. Love and hugs to you from, (not) spinning. NO LONGER AN OPTION. THE SICK FREAK IS DEAD. HE NEVER REALLY EXISTED IN THE FIRST PLACE.

spinning

#9 Aug 3 - 7AM (Reply to #8)

Beach Dreamer

spinning_thank you

Spinning Your words inspire me to keep doing what I am doing and most of all keep believing in the happy blessings I will recieve. I plan on NC, NC, NC....I want to continue to be free from the oppression of putting my life on hold for a man who lied about a life that he never intended to have with me. It's sick...I keep thinking revenge is the Lord's. These men will get theirs. I don't have to worry about it!! I just need to live my life with purpose and love! Thanks BD

#10 Jul 27 - 8AM

Lisa87

Welcome...same story, different N

Welcome Beach Dreamer, your story rings true for many of us here who have experienced the same Narc treatment. I was never abused, only seduced, treated like a queen, spoiled and put on a pedestal, I thought he was the strongest, most generous man I had ever met. We spent almost every day together and I felt our love growing deeper and deeper. Then the N treatment started to appear ever so slowly, I only got silent treatment once and I excused it because the next day another shot of adrenalin was around the corner, the high he gave me, I was a drug addict and he was my drug. Stay here with us, there are amazing women on this board and we have been through many of the same and some different treatment from these psychopaths. The only thing we can do is be strong and seek out each other for support. It is a long process and they messed our heads up so much that no one else can really understand unless you have been narc'd. You came to the right place, good luck in your journey!

#11 Jul 26 - 8PM

Hunter

Beach dreamer

Welcome to my world, wow, I could have wrote this. :( Silence is abuse, this man is cruel, he can not love. Your decision to be done is the best one for you! He's been playing you like a yoyo! Your pain is real, I'm sorry, wrap you head around this disorder! Healing from this requires work! There is no stimulus package! You are on your own. Give yourself time and separation from him. Soon you will realize you are better off without him. Stay here with us. Welcome Hunter

#12 Jul 26 - 9PM (Reply to #5)

Beach Dreamer

You are Right

Hunter I hear you loud and clear! I will continue to wrap my head into this N info. I have been using YouTube and listening to different people/Dr.'s speak on the topic. I always said I would never be co-dependent with an addict. Because ..."I wasn't woman enough" ...well now I have to get a better understanding of this "heartbreaker" addiction of the N. Cause I am NOT going there! "I am thankful and grateful I will have love and happiness in my life WITHOUT HIM" (my daily chant-the power of attraction) Thanks Eileen

#13 Jul 26 - 8PM

Sherbear

Beach Comber

Your story is not different. I could have written it and many more ladies here, as well. I grew up with mine on the same street since we were 12 years old. We were each other's first kiss and loves. When we reunited , it was like I was home again. We have an unspoken, emotional connection and I shared moments with him that I will never experience again. We were best freinds and confidantes. He told me that if he had his way, I would be his first and his last kiss. He said that God sent him an angel, the only women who could possible penetrate his heart, b/c i was already in it. His words and the honeymoon were so beautiful and we spoke of the future togther. I was in heaven. I have not seen him since 3/23/10 and have been NC for 11 months and I am just now feeling him leave my thoughts and energy. I never in a million years would have imagined he would be capable of this..how could he throw me away???? It's heartbreaking. I know the pain you are feeling and I feel for you so much. I know how painful it is at the beginning, questioning everything, missing every part of him. But it does get better...you will get stronger and you will have a loving and peaceful life without him...we all will. Stay NC and stay strong. Much love, Sherry

#14 Jul 26 - 8PM (Reply to #3)

Beach Dreamer

Thank you... Sherry ...for

Thank you... Sherry ...for your words and encouragement. I have been in the closet with my heartache. It is a relief to be able to speak openly about this pain and heartbreak. And know that others understand.... I was in disbelief the first few times he distanced himself and went silent. At the time I wondered what the heck was with that???? Now to know that it's a disorder...it makes me feel not so crazy. I kept thinking who could get so close and then so far away???? Who would do such a thing? Thats not RIGHT? Well now I know....A NARCISSIST Eileen

#15 Jul 26 - 7PM

tresor2

ditto

Sounds just like my ex N lawyer. He pulled the same disappearing acts. I attribute some of the behavior to his alcohol abuse compounded with his pathology. The high functioning N's frequently resort to covert abuse...lies, manipulation, seduction, more lies, more broken promises. Mine was verbally and emotionally abusive but he didn't cuss. He would make statements that were demeaning and twisted...sometimes it took me a day or two to realize the cruelty underneath his remarks and actions. He was extremely sadistic and never offered comfort or compassion. Mine also had affairs while he was married and both wives left him. To think that he is going to change for me or anyone else is delusional...he is who he is. Sometimes that knowledge alone tells us a lot about who we're dealing with. These jerks have no moral fiber and are spiritually bankrupt. They're like coal mines that don't produce anything and frequently, they end up killing those that take the risk of entering the darkness in hopes of finding wealth; then the mine collapses giving rise to sadistic pleasure.

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