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CONTACT HAS BEEN MADE - COULD BE INTERESTING
Sparrow
Member since:
51 weeks 2 days
51 weeks 2 days
Last activity:
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3 hours 38 min
CONTACT HAS BEEN MADE - COULD BE INTERESTING
Posted July 8, 2011 - 9:17am
Good morning friends............
I have just been contacted by N #2's OW..........could make for some interesting conversations. Considering he continues to reach out to me and profess his love for me........hmmmm, what to do, what to do.
Can I save her? Should I try?
© E. Scott Enterprises | Lisa E. Scott
We are not certified mental health professionals and this site and message board is in no way a replacement for professional therapy, legal or medical advice.
Well, I gotta say if it was
July 10, 2011 - 2:36am — JourneyWell, I gotta say if it was me I would want to answer her.
I understand why others here say not to, that it could pull you back into narc's world - but you say he's still reaching out and professing his love for you anyway - so are you really out yet?
I wish an OW pre or post our relationship would contact me, even close to 2 years post break-up, I think it would still help with the validation to know someone else is experiencing or has experienced some of what I did.
I don't think it is about trying to 'save' her. She could be one of us one day very soon if she isn't already...
my 2 cents
Oh this is going to be good.
July 9, 2011 - 10:14am — HunterOh this is going to be good.
What did she say? Poor thing. Just send her this link and be done :)
Hunter
She wanted to "speak" to me
July 10, 2011 - 7:00am — SparrowShe wanted to "speak" to me about our relationship. Apparently, he has told her about me. She knows he still loves me and wanted to know where I stood as far as my feelings since we are no longer together. She is clueless about his disorder I am sure. I ended up responding last night (couldn't help myself). This is what I sent her.........
He is not "still" in love with me. He never was and never will be. He is unfortunately incapable of that emotion, as well as many more. You will learn this in time, if you decide to stay with him. Me, if I was told by a man I was in a relationship with, that he loved another woman, would walk away from him in a NY minute. Trust me, If you don't leave him now, with this knowledge, you are his for as long as HE wants you. Good luck and my best to you.
I haven't heard back from her. Doubt I will any time soon. But eventually, you can count on it. Poor thing........
Sparrow
July 10, 2011 - 10:07am — HunterWow, This Narc stuff blows my mind! Poor thing is right!
Hunter
I decided not to reciprocate
July 8, 2011 - 10:40pm — SparrowI decided not to reciprocate contact
Yay
July 8, 2011 - 10:42pm — Gullable1Good call
can I save her, should I try?
July 8, 2011 - 12:52pm — girlsingerHi precious One
"Can I save her, should I try?"
wow
I wish that someone would have taught me earlier
what I know in the marrow of my bones.. now...
I beleive that this statement is behind
all who have suffered at the hand of the 'disordered One"
WE CAN NOT "SAVE" ANYONE, and should avoid "trying"
at all costs
we CAN inspire, encourage, inform
WE CANNOT "SAVE" ANOTHER PERSON!!
but
day by day
slowly and carefully and with huge amounts of self-care
we can lovingly,
save ourselves...
that is what is in "our power" to do
and it takes all we have to do it
we DONT have the time or the ability to save anyone else
ever
how I wish someone would have taught me that years ago
but thats ok
I know it now..it is embedded in my soul now
I shutter to think of how many more years I would have wasted
thinking otherwise
be blessed
K
My exN's OW contacted me when we were not divorced yet
July 8, 2011 - 11:55am — fatbabeSh wanted info..sound as if sincere..said she was conned too...and that she ( a whore) have been giving xN money as he told her that he had given me & kids all his money. told me xN stole her bracelet..etc etc,,ask me to help her get it back...end up..after all I have said (the trut)..she went against my wish and xN's family's wish to bail him out of jail...causing more upheaval..and what myself & the family thought a chance for him to "wake up" during time spend in jail...
my advice...hear what she wants..if its juz asking you to back off...as your N could be telling her that you are the one hankering after him..dun feed her too much info...
Sparrow
July 8, 2011 - 9:50am — dabussardI contacted my N's Ex Wife a few weeks ago. It helped me tremiously. I needed to hear that he treats everyone the way the he treated me. I needed the come to Jesus talk and she did just that...
It may be what she needs to get away from him!
SHE DOESNT WANT TO BE
July 8, 2011 - 9:41am — UsedSHE DOESNT WANT TO BE SAVED...SHE WANTS INFO....WHEN YOU HAVE NO INTEREST IN SOMEONE ANY MORE...WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT THEM...
IF YOU SPEAK TO HER IT WILL SET YOU BACK..
I agree w/ Used completely.
July 8, 2011 - 11:17am — reallyI agree w/ Used completely. She's looking for info AND it WILL set you back to even think about discussing it.
I ran into a mutual friend several weeks ago. N has been out of my life for 18mos or so. She hadn't heard him mention me, so asked me what happened and also about some of his abnormal/selfish behaviors. The exercise of even trying to figure how to explain some of what went on is awful. There's the issue of whether or not you can trust they won't use the info against you or with him. And then there's the wondering if you said too little or too much. Then there's reliving and rehashing all of it all over again. Then there's the awkwardness the next time you run into that person. In my case, she brought up another odd behavior of his and I don't really care to hear any more about him at all - good or bad! It's just too hard.
I can understand why you would want to say something, but really feel it's not worth putting yourself through it. She's going to do what she wants to do regardless.
I will see what direction she
July 8, 2011 - 11:26am — SparrowI will see what direction she is going and determine whether or not to respond. Believe me, if it was narc #1's OW I wouldn't recriprocate, she was a man stealer, she's on her own..........narc #2's OW had no idea about me. We will see. I will keep you posted for sure!
Yes!
July 8, 2011 - 9:46am — Gullable1Agreed, step away from the car wreck.... Keep driving.
I agree, as well
July 8, 2011 - 11:28am — spinningwith Used, Really and Gullible.
It is engaging with the disordered one.
Who cares?
For me personally, I engaged with a mutual friend twice since the Nov. D & D and with his ex once (in December) and it was always, always a set back.
I now ignore the ex's emails. I no longer associate with anyone associated with him.
My life is better now than I could have ever, ever dreamed at 8 months out. When you dismiss them and all they're attached to you make room for GREAT, BEAUTIFUL things to enter your life. This is the truth. It is happening to me.
I send you good vibes for peace of mind and healing.
Most sincerely,
(not) spinning. I REFUSE TO EVER AGAIN. THE SICK MF'ER IS DEAD. NEVER REALLY EXISTED ANYWAY.
excellent post , spinning
July 8, 2011 - 12:36pm — girlsingerHi
"when you dismiss them and all they're attached to,
you
make room for GREAT BEAUITFUL things to enter your life"
well said, spinning
yes,
because they themselves are so "disordered'
the lives they live are 'disordered"
the people in thier wake are "disordered"
thier very "vibration" is one of CHAOS and UPSET
sometimes we forget how beauitful
and what a gift it is just to be alive
when we are with the N
because the N keeps us "engaged " in thier "orbit"
remember
its is a choice, to pull the plug, to disengege
just imagine what beauty awaits you!
be blessed
K
LOVELY POST SPINNING AND 100%
July 8, 2011 - 11:40am — UsedLOVELY POST SPINNING AND 100% AGREE..TO BE AWAY FROM THE NARCS IS GOOD TO BE AWAY FROM ANYONE ASSCIOATED WITH THEM IS EVEN BETTER..I BELIEVE THIS HELPED ME HEAL..THAT SAID I SAW A PAL OF HIS THE OTHER DAY...BUT YOU COULD TELL I WAS MAKING HIM FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE....
I SEE SO CLEARLY NOW...WHO AND WHY I LET THESE PEOPLE INTO MY LIFE...AND FOR ME THAT HAS BEEN HALF THE BATTLE....GOOD LUCK AND HAPPINESS TO YOU SPINNING YOU SOUND GOOD...LOVE USEDXX
Run!
July 8, 2011 - 9:39am — Gullable1Run! This isnt your problem, this ish will rope you in. Go get a bloody Mary and press delete!
Hmmmm
July 8, 2011 - 9:19am — SusieSwizzleI think you should direct her to this website, or to Sam Vaknins....let her know that she should read that first, and then get back to you if shes really serious about chasing her 'man''s exs around for the truth...IMO...Good luck~
Good idea. This "they made
July 9, 2011 - 8:55am — enpsychopedia romantica (not verified)Good idea. This "they made their beds now let them lie in it runs counter to everything we should have taken away from our experience. The most damaging aspect of my relationship with narc was not being able to cross reference his behavior with anyone else. How are you ladies not becoming more narcissistic yourselves? There is way too much group think going on here.
Cross referencing
July 9, 2011 - 7:47pm — Susan32And it was unintentional! There was a class at my college I decided to take, comparative religion, turned out it happened to be taught by the ex-Psych prof's ex-BOYFRIEND. Talk about EPIC AWKWARD. It wasn't that I had sought him out. I was interested in the material. The ex-boyfriend thought the ex-P was evil;the ex-P wrote off the ex-boyfriend as "a man scorned."
I think the ex-boyfriend felt duty bound as a teacher to warn me.
However, I didn't warn the ex-P's girlfriend because she CHOSE to change jobs to be with him, she CHOSE to move in with him. As a student, I was at a disadvantage. Despite the fact she literally worked down the street from me... warning her was NOT an option. It wouldn't have worked. She was too much in love, I could tell. She swooned over the thought of marrying a philosopher. I wasn't going to go *THERE.*
It was out of bounds for me to warn her. If she had ASKED, that would've been another matter.
She was a decade my senior;I don't think my experience would've mattered to her. She might've been a Narc, so she might've relished it.
Good idea.........Thanks. I
July 8, 2011 - 9:22am — SparrowGood idea.........Thanks.
I am curious to see what she has to say also. Don't know wht.....guess it's a bit of "morbid curiosity"