Thanks! This is reminding me again that my ex WAS a predator. Reading the other comments below, I had the same experience - all consuming - especially in the beginning, but also throughout the relationship.

So many other things too related here by others in this thread. I thought all his attention was because he was in love with me. I was such a fool believing that was what was happening for him, just because it was happening for me.

It was so intense and I'd never experienced any thing like it before and for my own sake, I'll make sure I never do again.

What are the ‘red flags’ in a relationship a professional looks for?

By: Sandra L. Brown, M.A.

Author of: How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved

http://www.womens-last-resort.com/howtospotadangerousman.htm

* Pacing of the relationship. If its 24/7 it’s not that he’s “just that into you.” Pathological men have agendas about getting the relationship to appear ‘intense’ and ‘deep’ quickly. They want to usher you into the middle of the relationship before you figure out his agenda or respond to your own red flags.

Predators have told me in group that their move is to ‘sweep them off their feet’ by overwhelming them with intensity of emotion, time, and gifts. Women who get into intense relationships in which quickly they are seeing each other constantly, not having an outside life, and have the sensation of being ‘breathless’ from the pace of the relationship are often with a dangerous man.

Many different types of dangerous men often try to move in quickly or marry quickly. Both of which should be a red flag to a woman. Women should always be in charge of the pace of the relationship which should be SLOW. Women should also change the pace of the relationship and see how he responds. Normal men accept that you ask for more time to yourself, dangerous men do not. They guilt and shame you into keeping the pace at THEIR rate, not yours.

Yup thats what mine was like, after 3rd date we were attached at the hip (his doing) and everytime we would fly together etc I was called Mrs. Walker, you sort of get used to that and now dating is so different, I expect the same and its not happening. I did get tons of respect and admiration in the beginning, all the charm you could imagine to make me fall deep in love...and damn straight it worked!! Once we got closer and closer, thats when things started to unravel.......ugh can't even think about it.

"They want to consume your life. Not date, but consume."

I really like this one. My relationship was long distance but this still is so applicable. We were high school friends and reconnected via FB. As I have reconnected with many old friends, he was different. We exchanged a few emails and then he called me. (It's been awhile...I think we exchanged phone numbers but I thought it was more "informational/in case we want to get a group together when in our home town" kind of thing.) He kept calling me. I recall he called me early on at work at "wanted to hear my voice". (Now I know it was narc speak -- he needed an ego boost of course.)

He came on so strong...within 2 weeks I was crying after we talked/ texted as I wanted to be with him so badly. (That is so NOT ME. I'm a compassionate type but I don't cry over guys...really.) So this post reminded me of how this whole thing started so fast I didn't have time to think. I thought it was exciting that someone wanted me in their life so badly.

I realize now he just wanted as much of me as I'd give. If I gave him an inch, he'd take a foot. He continously would test my boundaries by talking about "us" or what we'd do together.

If this helps someone, I'll be happy to add...during this frenzy I ignored red flags. Here are a few...
-his conversations were shallow and about him. He is actually boring and no depth to his personality.
-he was recently divorced, said he took his wife and kids for granted, travelled a lot for work, saw his girls maybe 2 times a month.
-his texts became very sexual very quickly. He hadn't seen me since high school except for FB photos. Ironically my FB photos were all 20 lb. more than what I looked like at the time....it wasn't as all about "me" or how I "looked"...it was about the attention I'd give him.
-he was moody but I realized when he called, emailed me, or texted first, it was always more on a "high". If I called or texted first his responses were more negative/moody downer. I think now, he was also conditioning me to not contact him first and to let him control when we communicated.

Since then I've communicated with another OW as we both learned he juggled several during the time he was with us. She lived locally and said when he was in town, he expected to be with her 24/7. She shares custody of her kids with her ex and our N expected every minute of her free time to be doted on him. So....I didn't get the physical part of that LD.

I've also seen, since then, women drop off his FB page like flies.

Glad it is so over. It was so emotionally draining and I realized in the end I got nothing from the deal.

We met on New Years Eve - I lived in Manchester Uk and he London. He moved to be with me in Manchester within 2 weeks of our relationship and we moved in after 2 months!! E-mails constantly at work 15/20 a day. Totally intense!!

Never again will I do this - I will take it slow and completely keep my own space.

I've learnt an amazing lesson through all of this - I almost feel like I was meant to have had this experience and am more educated compared to people who haven't. xxx

Mine was also very consuming. We would talk on the phone til very late at night, and text most of the day. I was still in school so Id only be able to see him once a week, but my weekends revolved around when he was free to catch up with me.
He used to also talk to me on skype a lot but later in the relationship he said "yeah i was getting sick of that anyway".

Soon, he became reluctant to reply to my texts and would only call me at night (I didnt complain though, thats okay).

And eventually making plans with me was a hassle, a burden. I found out from a friend of his that one time when i was texting him, he was rolling his eyes and saying i was annoying and not replying..when he used to get angry at me if i simply switched my phone off while i was studying!!! Whenever I came over to his house, hed make me go home before dark because he 'needed to study'. BS! He spent so much time at home doing nothing all the time.

Eventually he started calling me clingy, which i know is complete crap because I usually spoke to him once a day, only got to see him once a week and let him do what ever he wanted when he wanted.

Before we liked each other, we barely knew each other. so yes, from barely knowing each other to consumed to ditched.

Cant wait to be over him.

Mine was very consuming. Emails, texts and phone calls. We also worked together. It was absolute overload. Never had that before and it was intoxicating that someone wanted to talk to and be with me that much. Now that we have split I really do sense the peace. Everything was chaotic with her--too much drama all the time. Good riddance.