Narcissism, Promiscuity, and STD's

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#1 Jun 30 - 7AM
naive46
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Narcissism, Promiscuity, and STD's

One thing I haven't read a lot of on this forum is threat of STD's. As we all are trying to wrap our brains around their behavior, I can't fathom how they don't all of an STD of some kind or another!

I was with my N about 5 months...mostly long distance and, of course, an affair. He shared a lot with me as we both had primary relationships. He is 46 and divorced 2 years (25 year marriage). He did tell me he was not faithful in his marriage (multiple times). During the 5 months we talked, I knew of at least 6 women he was with sexually that he told me about. (One of them told me she met him on a dating website. No surprise. I knew him in high school and we reconnected on FB. He also had dated several women through his workplace (large federal government office in 2 large cities).

So...I can't even image how many women they are with in a lifetime. Also, I read how they don't want to wear condoms. Mine didn't as I was "naive" and he only shared more about his "dating life" with me after we were together one time.

Just curious, how do you deal with this? Are you successful in making them wear condoms? Are they just as deceitful as mine and not tell you their whole story until after you've been together?

Jan 23 - 2PM
photomom1977
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I dated mine for 3 years and

Jul 30 - 10AM
Sunafterrain
Sunafterrain's picture

N's, condoms and std's

My N INSISTED upon condoms, EVERY single time!!! BUt he didn't mind being sloppy about it at times either. I think it was a weird thing for him. LIke only the "chosen" (his ex wives) were allowed the dick without the condom for procreation purposes. It took me years to realize that this was more than just a "safety guy" issue. It was a mental issue. Somehow, I felt, condoms were, in his mind, less intimate. Despite all of that, I DID wind up with an STD from him. I'm stuck with this the rest of my life. On top of all the other damage done. WHen I found out what it was, the first outbreak, I was devastated. you CAN get an STD, even with condom use, particularly if they fall off, right after or during sex, which happened often. Spillage counts. But I didn't think he was with many women.....duh....
Jul 22 - 3AM
Puzzle
Puzzle's picture

I am so OTT about STD checks

I am so OTT about STD checks it is not funny. I am really careful with that kind of thing. When I and the N got together I made him have an STD test and I had one too. Then when I found out about possible cheating and online dating...never had any proof he cheated though...I went and got tested again. Was all clear. I think I will always make the person I sleep with have an STD test if it gets serious...otherwise I used condoms in the beginning.
Jul 22 - 12AM
birdie (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

my N wears condoms NOW

I trained him. Two years ago, he looked right at me and said he was clean, and we were monogamous (hahahah), so we skipped the condoms. WELL, turns out he wasn't being honest about the clean or the monogamous. I wised up and insisted on condoms, (about the time I smelled another woman on him, and I won't say where, but kissing him was not so cool) and his resentment only lasted about a year. Now he's such a safety advocate that he made sure to bring plenty of condoms for the ten-day retreat he attended without me. But he's still monogamous, of course. Even though I caught him on a date today. Yup. My N skipped condoms with every woman. And if she busted out in herpes, he insisted she caught it while messing around on him. He was so strange. He thought I was clean, so he didn't worry about catching anything, but also thought I was cheating at the same time. He constantly punished me in his twisted ways for my supposed cheating. He went so far as to get tested for HIV to make a point. I was really lucky, I know. I spent hundreds on tests, and then let him manipulate me into unsafe sex even after I knew he was infected. Then I spent hundreds again. The part that really pissed me off was realizing he was taking condoms from my home to use at his home. with all those other women. On the bright side, at least he won't spread herpes on purpose anymore! Some STDs don't show on test results right away, and some tests show a false negative. So get tested, use condoms, and get tested again a few months later. And don't get nekkid with the jerk again! (I say that mostly for me)
Jul 22 - 7AM (Reply to #10)
Reddley
Reddley's picture

Holy crap! Let me guess...

Holy crap! Let me guess... you could smell her muffin all over his cookie duster? My daughter's dad cheated on me and that's how I caught him. He came to kiss me when he came in the door from being out with the boys... too stupid to live I tell you.
Jul 18 - 10AM
dabussard
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No Condom

My Jacknut never wore a condom. He is cut, so no worry about pregnancy... I was niave and let it happen... I have been checked once for STD's. But, need to be checked again... I am scared to death...
Jul 17 - 11AM
ifinallygotit
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liar and no condoms

I am lucky I did not get anything after 10 years but will get checked again...
Jul 17 - 11AM
wisdomneeded
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Young Narc

My daughters XN bf began having sex at age 14 he is 19 now and will ONLY SLEEP WITH VIRGINS....He thinks he is so smart and will escape an STD that way. Someday he will meet his match a N woman with lots of x-lovers and the game will be played on him...(haha not a bitter bone in my body ladies)!
Jul 14 - 5AM
Persephone1
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No Condom.......

Wow, sounds familiar.....& the first time I was w/my narc, the condom broke- he wasnt the least bit worried. We dated for about 3 months that I can remember him being strict about condoms, although now it may have been an excuse to reject me & play mind games (forgetting to buy them etc).....but the entire time we were together he never once gave it a thought. Id ask him wasnt he worried Id get pregnant, & esp. If Im so crazy- did he want me having his baby?....I began to worry, thinking what theyll do w/you, theyll do w/anyone. I did get pregnant after 5yrs together (after he D & D'd me several times), only to have him vanish, saying I wasnt really pregnant,, but just desperate to get his attention! So after seeing the ultra sound photo, he admitted the pregnancy, but Now the baby prob. Wasnt his.....I lost that baby nearly four months into the preg. To which he later blamed me for stressing myself to the point of miscarrying!....& big surprise when he came back two years later full of apologies, taking responsibility for everything- I wanted to believe him & took him back- ugh!.....I feel so lucky to Not have gotten an STD from him (that Im aware of)- I tested positive for high risk HPV while w/him But Unfortunately there is no way to prove he gave it to me. & he said If he had it, I prob. Gave it to him...unbelievable.....I just dont get Why theyre Not worried about STDs. I always thought considering how in love w/themselves as they are theyd be super careful not to do any damage to their precious bodies.
Jun 30 - 10AM
BadaBing
BadaBing's picture

safe sex?

It was an after thought for me after discovering his cheating and his temptation for anal sex I thought if he would of used a condom had he gone through with it? He may of had unprotected sex, particularly anal sex and then slept with me unprotected because I am on the pill. thankful I didn't risk my own health
Jun 30 - 10AM
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

Caved In Eventually

I did well on the condom issue -- made him wear one *every* time until we went on vacation in the tropics. I caved in then. Don't know why -- just got worn down and was stupid. Now I need to get tested for STDs because I'm all nervous. :/
Jun 30 - 8AM
wacaet
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I was a total fool. Believed

I was a total fool. Believed his lies, no condom. Wanted to get pregnant and have his baby I handled it by getting tested the day after I found out who/what he was. Embarrassing as hell but necessary
Jun 30 - 8AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

They are deceitful in

They are deceitful in EVERYTHING they do and say! And yes, most don't want to wear a condom. What man does? But a smart man will, for his own protection. These narcs don't think they need protection, don't care if the catch something and especially don't care if they give it to anyone else. They are destructive in that manner. Always, always, insist on a condom. It's a matter of life and death. As you lay dying from a disease you caught from him, years after he is long gone, you have to face the fact that you are dying because of him, was that hour in the hay worth it? Absolutely not! I was fortunate that the STD I received is minimal and treatable, not everyone will be lucky. Lesson learned as well.........No one is worth that risk. Would you play russian roulette? No, but that's what we would be doing every time we have unprotected sex.