Do they always act like nothing has happened ?

Do they always act like nothing has happened ?
1

My N acts like nothing has happened. It is like we never were together. There is no anger, hate, awkwardness it is like the whole thing has been forgotten by him.
He just doesn't seem to care and he is so good at making me act like nothing has happened too.

I read Lisa's blog on here, at least I think it was Lisa's and what she said about manipulating you to act as though nothing ever happened...well mine is doing that and it is making me mad. I can't pretend that I don't hate him. But he treats me like I am nothing, just a stranger he never did anything to. I can not hide my anger but he can. I would prefer it if he was a nasty ass to me. At least I would know he feels something. In the past when we have broken up or had a fight he acted in a similar manner.

Does anyone else have experience with this. It is like nothing ever happened and I am the crazy one who remembers it until he brainwashes me with his confusing behaviour that I forget we are enemies.

allthatglitters's picture

They do this because they

They do this because they live in a fantasy world of make believe, where everything they tell their delusional selves is the truth. They don't like reality... it interferes with their grandiosity. So rather than see that they've hurt you in any way, they just pretend like it never happened. To them, when they pretend that it never happened, it means it never happened.

It's all part of the crazy-making. You aren't the crazy one. When they come back after they've done something awful, they turn on the charm and cause you to think that maybe what they did before wasn't SO bad, or that maybe you should just let it go (let bygones by bygones), etc. They know exactly how to behave to throw you off and to get you to believe that their twisted reality is YOUR reality too.

Don't fall for this, nor show him that his behavior is getting to you. Stay firmly grounded in your reality.

ifinallygotit's picture

Mine is different

silent treatment and then sounded totally sad and really devastated over what happened to us - but no apology and no follow up - but he totally gets that something very bad happened and he wants nothing to do with me now - I have never heard a person sound more somber in my life....
Not sure if its guilt for lying, pretending we didn't break up after move, posting the ics of him with the ho looking new GF (now I would be ashamed of that too - if it was not me invlolved, it would be funny to know what he thinks boosts his image) or just N injury that he is was not fair or nice to me when his whole public image is the ultimate nice guy

prettypeeved's picture

My narc even had a phrase for

My narc even had a phrase for it: We were "doing nothing that wouldn't happen in an ordinary supermarket" - funnily enough I've not come across many supermarkets where two men were rolling around on the floor in their underwear, kissing each other all over.

Now all of a sudden I think we're supposed to be friends where nothing whatsoever happened between us. No doubt I am being dreadfully immature by blocking and ignoring him and I'm certainly not supposed to bear any grudge about the fact that he tried to seduce me away from my partner by misleading me as to his true nature, with no intention of committing to any kind of relationship with me.

Scoop's picture

Its mind bending on how they

Its mind bending on how they can act as if nothing has happened ...they are basicly 7 year olds in the play ground , at 6 and 7 children are best friends one minute and not the next then best friends again and this i believe the narc is . Because he dosnt get the dept of emotional despair you went to because he didnt go to emotional despair . now most normal people would at least have some empathy for the pain of a break up .. but our 7 year old narc wants to be best friends again .. my exsample is my narc spent the most romantic dinner for me and we spent the evening making love in bed with his whispering "i love you scoop , dont ever leave me blah blah blah " in the morning he said "i dont think this is going to work out , we should just be frineds " . i then went to do home to have a mini breakdown , he said "are you going home ?, i thought we where going to spend the day together " .. it is La La land .. and heres the icing on the cake i left that day feeling guilty that i didnt spend the day with him as planed , so not only did he use me for sex , dump me when i was still naked in his bed .. i felt guilty about it lol lol .. after a couple of weeks i got a call from him "scoop , scoop i miss you where have you been ?" .. nut job ... Scoop x

Hunter's picture

Puzzle

They live an empty life, day to day moment to moment, it's hard to comprehend!

It's a body with no soul! Like the movie " Momento"

Hunter

jen79's picture

oh my god hunter

HE played in it!

Hunter's picture

Jen79

Sorry for the Trigger . He was able to pick up a few tricks.

Hunter

StudentOfLife's picture

Yes! I believe it's one of

Yes! I believe it's one of their most common and insidious gaslighting tactics. It really is crazy making!! It's not just you!!! He wants to make you doubt yourself to a point where your'e off balance and he will have the power of you.

DON'T LET HIM WIN!!

Susan32's picture

Let him doubt himself!

Ns/Ps expect those they prey on to be PREDICTABLE. Lions&tigers depend on their prey being at the same Serengeti watering holes. They expect US to be predictable;they know&study our reactions.

I started getting my power back when I realized that I could put the ex-Psych prof off balance. He couldn't bully me when *I* was the one being unpredictable, and my reactions to his behavior were changing from one day to the next, when I was the one tossing word salads. (I remember reading a letter I wrote the ex-Psych prof before I sent it... it was cognitive dissonance at its finest, maybe with some passive aggression- sometimes I wonder if I wrote it to confuse him purposefully)

The ex-P would call me a poltergeist. As any paranormal investigator knows, poltergeists are UNPREDICTABLE. When an N/P knows what hurts&upsets you, it empowers them. But it empowers YOU when you know what drives them nuts.

I knew the ex-P couldn't stand ridicule;so when the senior skit mocked him... yes, I was a part of it. It took him so much off guard he went running out of the auditorium.

Monica's picture

Mine was dead wrong about my being predictable.....

For years he thought I was. I am a trustworthy, honest, compassionate person who keeps everyone's confidentiality when I am confided in. I overlooked his pathological lying for years, never exposed him, never told friends and coworkers he was lying to them about everything, kept it all to myself. When we became a "couple" he told me his entire life...all his dirty little secrets and history. He exposed to me his addictions (porn, wanting to be dominated, masturbation), all believing I was PREDICTABLE and would never expose him, no matter what. At the end, when I had walked out on him and then raged at him for a couple of weeks via texts, letting loose on him everything I had bottled up for many years, he finally said he believed I would never expose him, never ruin his political aspirations, never tell what I knew. But I think he finally got the point...I am a CHANGED woman. I am no longer predictable. I will no longer cover up for him. I will not keep his secrets. And I believe he is scared of me now. But he counted on me being PREDICTABLE. He was wrong.

Four Aces's picture

Do they act like nothing happen...

YES YES YES.

My narc moved out four months ago and less than a MONTH after he moved out he texted me and said "I have moved on, now you need to...."

We had been together 17 years????

He is with his new narcissistic supply and she is giving him want he wants/needs. Undying adoration which had come to a complete stop in this marriage. He must have thought he was dying of thirst living with me. No adoration any longer.

Ugh, I cannot believe I was married to this jerk for 15 years. I believe you can get so caught up in their BS that you are not paying attention to things like integrity, honesty, respect, and the most reliable component of your being - your SOUL.

Now, four months later, I look at him as a corpse. He is dead to me. It's not about moving on, it's about remembering what a great person I am. I dont think about him anymore, but planning my life ahead and how the SKY is the limit for me now. I have dozens of friends and at least two people that would do anything in the world for me. My narc would not walk across the street to see if I was really dead after the car hit me.

I believe part of this she doesnt "exist" to me anymore is also part of a huge defense mechanism to protect them against some type of shame. If that is possible with a narcissist. Doubt it.

Look in the mirror, see the person in the reflection that is one of the lucky ones. You have escaped the clutches of a psycho and emerged smarter and stronger.

Do you know why my handle is "Four Aces" - it's one of the luckiest hands in poker...

You go girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jen79's picture

I know this

They do this sometimes as an act to punish you, to withhold affection, in their eyes it is weakness, the same way they see you when you show alot affection, and we all did, didnt we.

And sometimes I think, they really numbed themselves out to zero emotions towards you, to the point of amnesia, who you are, what happened between you and them and so on. One ex, also a narcopath, forgot that I was pregnant of him.

It doesnt matter why they do it, sometimes the mask falls, and they show you how much they are affected, raging and yelling, and I always prefered that, cause then I knew at least I mattered anything to him, anything.

But see the ugly truth here, how sick and twisted it all has become, when yelling, raging and calling you names gives you a good feeling. This is so sick, ughh, makes me shiver.

BadaBing's picture

hi In my case I think he acts

hi

In my case I think he acts like his behavior was only a mistake that was caused by a desire he admitted to me. And, although very wrong but this other woman meant nothing and was only used to gratify that act that I wouldn't indluge.

He understands I am hurt and upset but he really believed I would go through my anger and then come back to him. I don't know why he thinks that. We haven't dealt with cheating in our relationship before!

I realized looking back that he was jealous of how men looked at me and yet he would want me to dress sexy for him when we went out. Then he would watch all my interactions, he would watch when guys would stare at me. And, he liked it. His face would light up and he just loved being with me, now I see this was purely his ego being fed by his showing me off has 'his'.

He often says 'it's done' or 'that's over already and in the past' so if it happend 2 weeks ago it was already DONE.

No use.

Redhead1's picture

Badabing said

He understands I am hurt and upset but he really believed I would go through my anger and then come back to him. I don't know why he thinks that. We haven't dealt with cheating in our relationship before!

In my case, I had let the narc away with so many hurtful things. I worked through my anger and then went back to him. In his mind cheating is no different than the other things he did and I went back to him. Thats a pattern he has come to accept from you.

ruby01's picture

Hi Puzzle

Happens all the time. I think that everything they do is a well thought about strategic move. He knows acting like that will upset you the most because that's what would bother him the most if you were to do the same. Don't get sucked in!

Susan32's picture

Tantrumming

That's a term that my sister uses when she describes my baby nephew's tantrums. A toddler isn't going to remember that he threw a fit over applesauce. He won't remember that he screamed all night.

Yikes, when I broke NC with the ex-Psych prof, I bluntly told him "I don't expect an apology from you just as I wouldn't expect an apology from my infant nephew after he's screamed all night." When I went to Boston, I stayed in my nephew's room. He'd keep me awake. He would shriek several times... but I didn't expect an apology from him. Why? He doesn't know how to communicate, his empathy is still developing... and he's immature.

I summed it up to the ex-Psych prof (and I can get off on the "I was being honest, I didn't MEAN to be hurtful") that like a toddler, he lacked the depth of maturity&understanding. A toddler isn't going to apologize for a fit... especially when his only word is "hi."