I met my husband 5 years ago. We married quickly after he swept me off my feet. He was the perfect boyfriend. Why wouldn't I want to marry someone who treated me like a princess...someone who made me feel like I was the only person in the world to him?
That all drastically changed within the first 4 months of our marriage. I could tell with our first married fight that there was something "off" with him. He annihilated me with his words and actions while HE was the one who actually screwed up and caused the argument. He talked (yelled) like he absolutely hated me and I was his worst enemy. Then, minutes later, he was all lovey dovey again. That was the first of many, many "WTF?" moments for me. I was often left confused and bewildered by his over the top reactions to things that were really no big deal. His viciousness grew worse and worse and more scary with each incident. He got really controlling-controlled my access to money, who I saw, where I went, pressured me into quitting various jobs three different times. He threatened me, threatened to destroy and actually followed through on destroying some of my belongings. He left guns out where I could see them to intimidate me. He often got into arguments with various women at his job...never men. He is a true misogynist. There were always enough moments where he treated me like a princess again sprinkled in there to totally confuse me and manipulate me.
I left him. He poured on the charm and I went back. Things got even scarier. I secretly got a job and then I finally fled with nothing but my few possessions- no money. I started counseling. It helped me see who he really is much clearer. He is an abusive, narcissistic misogynist. He continued the "try to win me back" thing. I fell for it,but didn't move back this time. Then he got nasty again, then nice, then nasty etc. This has continued for months.
I have not had any (ANY! YAY ME!) contact with him for a week. This is the longest stretch ever with no contact. It hasn't been easy but this time I put things into place so I wouldn't get lonely and reach out to him. I am throwing myself into my work and becoming a workaholic (I will deal with that later because I know that isn't healthy either) I am continuing with my counseling. I am determined to remain free of him until I can get divorced from him.
I know I can't do it alone though. I need support and don't have any friends left and don't have any family.
I am tired of it always being about him...tired of living for him, for what he wants, for what he needs and when I don't...I pay for it through his vicious tantrums. I deserve better.