ok, my narcissist is with a female narcissist-- do they cancel each other out?
How do they survive with two being so selfish?
They have been on and off for almost two years.
Do they change for thier own kind???
YES, two Narcs CAN live happily together and make a 'dream-team'.
YES, they can support each other in doing bad things.
I am only curious HOW my ex Narc ,who is cerebral manages with this slut he is with (definitely somatic!).
That guy was NOT interested in sex with me. No matter what i did - nothing worked. Meanwhile his OW is older, uglier and I am daring to say : worse in every way, except having the same hobby.... .
A Narc who hates sex and a OW who bookmarked an online sexshop as her 'favourite'. Hmmmm.... Interesting.
NO MATTER WHAT - THEIR RELATIONSHIP DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING IN OUR SITUATION!!!!!!!!
Narc (as Sam Vaknin says and my experience confirms) HATE HAPPY PEOPLE. The most hated person in my ex Narc's life was his colleague from work : successful, good looking, polite, sociable in a healthy way, happily married , having a baby. He HATED that guy soooo much! He wanted me to hate him too, by weird manipulation.
F.ex. he said : "P. asked her gf to marry him. I would ask you too, if you weren't such an agressive bitch" . First I reacted with rage.
After some time I realised : he hates ME and P. P. makes him furious,because he is REALLY successful in his life. And he hated ME, because I wanted the same thing for US.
So, let's be happy !!!!!! It is the best antinarc medicine.
Love and blessings,
It's legal too! What's weird is that before I came to this site, I prophetically told a college friend (who was around&supportive during the final D&D), "Being happy&wishing happiness is the BEST REVENGE." So, yes, another confirmation of what Sam Vaknin&your experience says.
"Narcs hate HAPPY PEOPLE"-I remember how the ex-Psych prof flew into a rage when I congratulated him on being engaged. It explains why I got the silent treatment when I wished him happiness with his wife&congratulated him on becoming a father. When my brother in-law was engaged, it was NOT a secret. He told EVERYBODY in his lab. He wanted everyone to know. He didn't keep his engagement "secret." The ex-P didn't even wear an engagement ring... and I was ready to get one out of a Cracker Jack box, just to display to the world that he was taken.
I can only *IMAGINE* the reaction I got when I broke NC in '09, recounting my writing successes, becoming an aunt, going to Boston&its museums, and waxing rhapsodic on Sonoma County&Ukiah. A virtual travelogue.
"Two Narcs can happily live together and be a dream team, support each other doing bad things."- The ex-P would OFTEN accuse me of being a Narc... but now I see he saw a Narc as an ideal partner. He'd say that he admired Narcs. I don't know if his wife is a Narc;I never really knew her firsthand. He thought I was a female Narc because female Narcs are known to be histrionic (that's the way I reacted to his behavior) and go after older men. Sofia Tolstoy, the wife of his idol Leo, was either a female Narc or became one as a result of his abuse. He was old enough to be her father, a famous writer by the time she married him. Was she attracted to his money&fame? We can never entirely know.
My former Narc boss (who is openly gay, has an older boyfriend) palled around with bullying, histrionic females. It explains why he STILL pals around with a former employee (she had been his friend/acquaintance before he hired her) whom he had injured, and lied about the subsequent injury. He'd call her a b*tch, yell about her being hormonal, she'd say vile things about gays, badmouth him... and they are still together.
I could see that working well for a while since they both understand what makes each other tick... and how to keep the other one around and happy.
They'd stroke each others proverbial dick/ego, whatever worked.
I can see it now...
God you're so sexy.
No you're sexier.
NO WAY! You're way sexier.
A house with a lots of mirrors? seperate but mutual masturbation and mind-fucking.. sounds like Narc heaven...
CharlieSheenWinning and NewWinningWife are both into tantric sex.
I think NOT! :)
Now that I think about it.. I think my N's ex was an N as well. They were both so freakin bizarre they seemed perfect for eachother. They both cheated on eachother and that ended.
I think in reality they last for a while because they do have that fundamental similarity.. but at the end of the day what an N really needs is supply. So if its constantly a struggle with another N they will need to have secure sources of supply elsewhere.
The ex-Psych prof constantly accused me of being a narcissist... now I think about it, he probably saw another Narc as an ideal mate. His curator girlfriend seemed to have no problems with his alcoholism. He might've been smoking dope, and she was fine with that too. She probably witnessed WORSE behavior than I had.... and either (a)was brainwashed, like us or (b)was as narcissistic, and approved.
His idol, Leo Tolstoy, was married to Sofia for 48 years. Nearly 50 years of marriage turned Sofia into a Narc herself. It's what Sam Vaknin calls the narcissistic curtain call. In the movie "The Last Station", Sofia (Helen Mirren), who has become quite histrionic¶noid, says, "What have I become?" In her diaries, Sofia notes she has changed so much from being a happy, carefree, trusting young girl to being brutalized&embittered. Sometimes Narcs don't marry other Narcs. Sometimes they turn their normal partners into Narcs.
"they will need to have secure sources of supply elsewhere"-That's why Sam Vaknin says that if you're married or in a relationship with a Narc&you want it to last... don't worry about having affairs on the side. Sofia Tolstoy thought Leo was cheating on her with other men; Leo was paranoid when she had an emotional affair with a musician... they still went back to each other. Narcs DON'T CARE. Ns don't mind if their partners are cheating, at some fundamental level... because it means they don't have to worry about emotional connections. The cerebral Narc Alexei Karenin has no problems with the fact that his wife Anna is having an impassioned affair with Vronsky... he only cares about whether there's appropriate behavior, and that she maintains propriety. He minds that she's inappropriate;he has ZERO problems with her adultery.
My Exnarc married wife # 3 some years ago, here are the stats, married 10 years, lived together 6 months, oil and water combo, always fighting, lot of hatred, and he wanted her DEAD...............tried to ge the 2 kids from her, lost the battle, she won.............
Look at John Edwards and his mistress Rielle, or Kelsey Grammer&his newest wife. My maternal grandparents were BOTH Narcs. My friends thought that the ex-Psych prof's girlfriend might have been as much of a Narc as him... if she KNEW about his behavior towards me and approved of it.
Using the title of the LA band Dengue Fever's latest album, "Cannibal Courtship", sums up a relationship between two Narcs.
I know not that much from the group but I really love their songs. I actually have gotten personal loans to but the original copies of their albums recently. Hopefully I won't lost them.
They fight each other for constant supply,. Its no different. On again, off again.
My Narc is constantly going and back and forth with his Narc mother. Each always trys to out do the other.
Love,Hate,Fight , make up.
They are perfect for each other in my opinion. Think about it, Narc to Narc. Its a perfect relationship one big power struggle. Besides, they can only hurt each other , they can leave the normal people alone.
Perfect, Lets all put them one Big Island, We can make it a reality show " Narc Island" or "Survivor 2"
Lisa what do you think we can turn your book into to Bravo TV show. :)
LOL Narc Island... THAT would be my fav reality show....nooooooooo doubts..............
After we put them all one island... can we blow it up? Huh huh? PULLLLEEEEZE?
It could either go really bad or really good. I mean are you sure the woman is a narcissist some people are good at faking. Or maybe they are two different types of narcissist but I don't really see this working out . I don't think someone is a narcissist.
3rd wife for my narc was a narc too, guess what, they were married for 10 years and lived together for only 6 months, like mixing oil and water never work in the long .. run
In its own perverse way. Two Ns/Ps see the world the same way. Relationships tend to be troubled when partners are incompatible... and with two Ns, there would be a fundamental compatibility, something a Narc&a normal can't have. My maternal grandparents were Narcs. Juan&Eva Peron were Narcs. Leo Tolstoy turned his wife Sofia into a Narc over 48 years of marriage.
The ex-Psych prof secretly wished I was a Narc... he'd constantly accuse me of being a narcissist&being a lesbian... over 4 years, my classmates thought he was describing his ideal partner. He was visibly disappointed when I said I wasn't a lesbian... now the rumors about his girlfriend, who was more manly than me (and him)... was that she was a lesbian. He was jealous when I dated men... but I doubt he would've been mad if I dated women. One of my classmates who was in his Sonnets class was very butch, she looked like Demi Moore in "GI Jane" or Sigourney Weaver in "Aliens 3" (the one set in the alien prison), her hair was shaved that short.
The ex-P&his girlfriend dressed alike. She had a crew cut, like him. She wore dark clothes, like him. Like his circle of male disciples, she wore tank tops.
The ex-P's girlfriend might've known how he treated me, and approved of it.
That they don't actually have intercourse, instead they must lay side by side at night and pleasure themselves...they might have agreed on the installation of a mirror though that was the ONLY mutually beneficial thing...
Otherwise, perhaps their dialogue goes something like this:
M: I am so great
F: Oh yes darling I am...
M: I love me
F: Isn't that a great feeling?
M: Honey, our anniversary is coming up, we need to do something special...
F: Indeed why not take a stroll through the house of mirrors?
M: Honey, we're the greatest!
F: Yes darling I am...
Then she blows a kiss towards him when the wind is traveling in her direction...
that was classic, thanks so much, especially the blown kiss with the opposing wind, lmao
That is sick. and probally dead on balls accurate.
He did recently tell me that they could not decide who was more selfish him or her. Then he told me she had a job-- her only job next to looking good to make him look good and that was TCOTC. Take Care Of The C_ ck.
He was dead serious... and said she was fine with that as long as he gave her money & she didnt have to do anything other than shop, tan, her nails oh and dont forget TCOTC.
BING! That was the rock that just fell on my head-- again.
Ummm.... why do I like this jerk?
Anyone? Anyone? Anyone????
and we fall for it and when the nice guy disappears, we still think he is there, hiding away under the nasty exterior. We were duped into thinking that these guys are not what they really are. That is why we struggle so much when it is over. We can't understand why we never got the nice guy again and grieve the idea that someone else is getting him. It's much harder to accept that the nasty guy was the true guy all along. Healing takes time and distance.
What determines how long before nasty guy makes an appearance? Do you know? If it's longer does that mean she is better supply or just not as smart?
This is from experience. My first episode with my ExN was at the 7 month mark. Everything perfect before that. Next episode 3 months later. The episodes continued about every 3-4 months for 13 years, with some variations of course. Sometime it was physical abuse, sometimes emotional, sometimes it was his secret life and lies being exposed, sometimes he left with deserted us with one of his Ho's for a couple months..always drama after drama. They don't do boredom, and they can only be on "best behavior" for a very short time. Of course, like with all P and Personality disorders, the symptoms and manifestations of the disease become worse over time. My ExN was 28 when we met, and I do belive all of his behaviors have become magnified over time. He is a much worse N. now than when I met him. With a new woman he prob couldn't be on best behavior for more than 3 weeks I am guessing.
I think it's triggered by the N's mental illness and thus we, normal, sane people, can't hope to figure it out
I so agree...I'm still trying to figure out what went wrong...can't believe I was with someone who never really existed...
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When It's All About Her - The Female Narcissist