Cherry12's Story
Cherry12's Story
Breaking up, then together again, then he leaving me, then wanting to come back
Hi, I'm new here.
I have been living with my Narc for 3 years, (the usual story, knight-in-shining-armor before we moved together, my perfect soulmate, my parents adored him, 8 hours of awesome sex per day together, he literally laid roses before my feet, etcetc)
After we moved together, no sex at all (because he is tired, it is summer, he is allergic, he is sad because he has no job, etc), but everything else was fine. Then all slowly deteriorated. We ended up with him playing computer games all day long and then watching tv, and me working my *ss off during the day, then cooking for him (which he always appraised), then me begging for sex which he always refused, then me trying to comfort him and make him feel good because he is down because of this or that (which obviously he caused for himself - no work - no friends - no life).
We sometimes had sex though, once in 2 months, but it was not what I was used to in the beginning. And he always told me not to hug him or touch him because he is so irritated (when we begun he was literally all over me, which I loved so much). In the beginning we talked for nights long, about deep emotional topics, in the end, he only said 'hi'.
Then someone came, who loved me just because I am who I am, and I started to question my relationship with my Narc. I was literally torn into pieces, because I loved my Narc so much. The other guy is not in my life anymore though, I couldn't do that. We sometimes talk, but nothing more.
After months of struggle (during which my Narc tried to reconcile, and was nice to me again, and brought me flowers, and hugged me, and wanted me, and I just couldn't believe any of it) I have kicked him out. Because I felt betrayed, and I felt so alone, and I felt that all the positive things I experience are a lie.
Then after a few weeks have passed, I begged him to return, since I felt that it was a rushed decision from my side, and I was evil because I did not believe that he wanted to make things right.
Then we "tried it again" - living apart though for 3 months, then he told me (in March 25) he needed "a break" because he wanted to be sure, apart from me, that he wanted to propose me and have a real family together.
I was literally going insane after a week of constant crying and crawling on the floor (because it just wasn't rational at all, to leave someone to then marry her), that was when I found out (in his secret blog that I have found, and then in his email inbox - I know it is not right to hack it, but I just couldnt bear the uncertainty). he has been in love with someone for months at least. And claimed to her that he couldnt see the woman in me anymore.
The OW was the fiancee of one of his best friends, and he took her. She is different from me in any way possible (and she is happy and energetic and childish, while I'm drained, and serious).
Then she dumped my Narc (info from his blog), and after 10 days of being a dumpee, he called me (this was this Saturday), that he has finished thinking, and he now knows that I'm the love of his life and wants to love me forever, and now he grew up and only wants to be with me, and does not want to be alone.
Just when I thought, that I have accepted that he has left me for good and will not come back, and I have to move on with my life, and sometimes having a good moment here and there, he called.
This call resulted in me getting a severe fever in an instant, and quite serious bladder problems.
I told him, with my last spark of energy that I do not really have free time now, but I will contact him as soon as I do and we will talk about it. He asked me at least six times about what I think, but I have managed to avoid to answer.
So now I'm trying to work, and "get on with my life", but every time my phone rings, I almost get a heart attack.
He still has my stuff and I still have his.
And I am still addicted to him with every molecule of my body and every breath of my soul and every beat of my heart. Each second is an unbearable struggle for me in order not to conctact him.
And the usual feeling that I'm not worthy of love if he does not love him, and that I'm ruining my life currently, just with these moments that I don't contact him and don't continue with him.
Yikes...BEEN THERE!
Good lord where we dating the
{{{hugs}}} My heart is
Can you imagine spending the