GIVING UP's Story

Thank god I found this board, I thought I was going mad. I`ve been with partner for 11yrs, no marriage, no kids, but we share a business which is in the process of being sold. Something I want, not him as I want to cut all ties. Thought he was N years ago but recent events have made me sure. Still trying to work out why I EVER took up with him and put up with him. Anyway, he has the following, excessive spending, affairs, inappropriate rages, explosive temper, jealous, accusing, giving me silent treatment for no reason, witholding sex, albeit I wouldn`t touch him with a bargepole nowadays. Talking over me, not listening, critical of everybody, even children which I find really sad. So the last straw was him having a heart attack 3wks ago, a real dent to the N ego. How dare anything threaten him manliness and superhumnaness! He was very remorseful in hospital but the day after his treatment, the monster in him came out and is alive and kicking! This man is 52 and once was indeed quite handsome but is no more, is ageing and is gaining weight. Whereas I am 12yrs younger, attractive and somewhat a peacemaker. This obviously drew him to me. So I am at the stage that I have realised we have no future, and never did really. I am exhausted trying to make a normal relationship out of this and when I look at him I feel and mixture of contempt and pity. I so want to be like other couples who do normal `couple` things together. So I don`t want to waste anymore of my precious life on someone who is emotionally impotent etc. Somedays I find it easy to ignore him, others I get really angry and end up crying through frustration. I know this is the hardest bit and I pray that the business sells quickly as it`s the only tie we have. I could list pages of the things he has done, but thank god I`ve had my lightbulb moment. I`m feeling strong as I write this and dread my weaker moments when I am upstairs crying. A week before hs heart attack my horoscope (something I read on a whim) said I would have to draw on my superhuman strength, I wondered what it meant, now I know.