The narcissist as a coward

The narcissist as a coward
5

Do you have any stories of your narcissist behaving like a real coward?

Mine had a relationship for a year with a disabled woman with mobility problems and who uses a frame for walking and/or mobility scooter...He used to be her boss....

The day after she told me about their realtionship, he was trying to avoid her so much, that he got into his car and nearly ran her over.....

He also goes and hides into other rooms in the building when women confront him in the workplace lOL. big girl's blouse!!!

What a guy!!!!

newbegginings's picture

i think they are cowards too.

Yes I think they are cowards too.

Avoiding someone is cowardly, because you can't face to look at them because your actions seem so odd and misplaced.

Mine sneaks around and seems to try and hide when we are in the same place.

Kind of embarrassing...such a big man, but such a little wimp at the same time.

Polly75's picture

Narcissists are cowards

I agree they are all cowards, I think in different ways tho. My ex N uses sarcasm & intimidation. Sarcasm to cover his belittling. He is big in build & uses this to lord it over you. Always picks on someone physically weaker, women, children.

Some examples.
I've seem him bring employees to tears, his children to the stage of vomiting or pee themselves during one of his aggressive rages. He lashes out by yelling, throwing stuff, punching objects. Has temper tantrums like a 2 year old.

He treats his mother like shit, have seen him berate her in front of me & his own children. Over a trivial matter that he caused.

Yelled at me threw me out of a car once. I had an operation so couldn't drive, had to depend on him for support.

Just before we broke up, he stopped answering texts, calls, was never home. He actually was wooing the OW. Had me babysit his kids while he was on dates with her, told me he was working. I only found this out later. Didn't have the guts to breakup. Just testing to see if the OW took the bait.

When breaking up with me I asked direct question is there someone else no. Weeks later I found out from a workmates he'd been with the co worker OW for a few months already.

I found out I was pregnant after we split, his mother tried to get in contact to tell him. He bullied it out of her on the phone. Said he would come & see me, rang the next day saying he was too busy, he was playing Xbox online, I could see him. For 4 hours or so. Just too gutless to face to face. Asked what I wanted from him, said nothing haven't heard from him since.

I pass him every now & then he fails to acknowledge I ever existed. Looks thru me like glass.

janine's picture

Escaping into sex

This is soooo right. The somatic ones flee into sex when faced with problems. Mine actually told a friend that in case of difficulties "It is best to think of tits". As he kept creating problems nonstop, it was obvious why he would have to watch so much online porn and hunt hard for supply.
Another example of what a coward he is: When having problems with the neighbours he would only creep into his flat late at night to avoid running into them.
If he had a row with his kids he used to call me to talk to them and rang back later to hear what they had said.
Since he is a well-off while normally stingy N, he used to employ solicitors to deal with whatever sort of mess he'd created. And would you believe it, when his solicitor said something that wounded that pathetic blown-up ego, he asked me to deal with that man. I only did that once before realizing I'd have to give up my own life to sort out his. Should I mention the guy is over 50?!

Finally Faced It's picture

sex, sarcasm & jokes

All the same...hides any emotion/feeling behind sex, sarcasm and jokes. Runs, literally runs, from any type of true adult conversation. So sad really...just like a schoolboy on the playground. Just can't deal with life or reality.

Hunter's picture

FFI

Your Humor is Ideal!
Hunter

onwithmylife's picture

such a coward

He rushes out the retail store when his son comes up to him and tells him his mother, his first wife, is shopping there, cannot even see her and say hi.He leaves me after 15 freaking years when we are suppose to move together or at least talked about it, and changes his phone number, not telling me of course, because I dare question him about the imbalance of the relationship. He is such a coward, he use to say he doesn't have any fight left in him, he is in his 60's, so he just flees, what a wimp and sissy. he was afraid of women, his mother did a number on parenting him that is for sure.

dudette's picture

on with

that's what I say, his mother must be turning in her grave, watching him behave like that....

onwithmylife's picture

dudette

Sad to say, i think she is the culprit unknowingly, she was supposedly very n arc like according to his first wife, i am very good friends with her and her second husband. His brother told me once that their mother spoiled and doted on the narc, but in reality ,?I do not think she ever appreciated him for who he was, i think he felt he never got the unconditional love from her and thus took out all his anger/rage onto the important women in his life . When i first met him his mother was dying so never got a chance to meet her. but he must of had many unresloved issues with her.why would he be so scared to see little me to threaten me with stalking and trespassing?That is insanity anyway you look at it!!!but yes she probably would be sick to know how many women he tossed away or they left, 5 longterm ones, that is a lot in my book.PS. Mother wanted a grl also as she had a boy many years earlier.

dudette's picture

yes I just don't know

I think mine was expremely spoilt as well from what his sister said, he would have terrible rages, even as a toddler....

His mother was greek and had 6 kids. His also greek dad was an N and would take him with him to visit women and ended up apologising on his deathbed.

His mum tried to commit suicide when he was 16.
she died of cancer eventually. When she died, his dad went back to Cyrpus and married some poor peasant woman so that someone would cook and clean and raise his kids for him...

All the kids treated her like a slave, my N was particularly horrible apparently....

so you see, bit of nature, bit of nurture.....

onwithmylife's picture

dudette

you are right, it is both of nurture and nature and the wring in the brain.Sad to leave so much destruction in their lives to so many people. my narc has a total of 5 grown children and only one speaks to him, the 2 younger women hate his guts, according to his 3rd wife, who i knew for a while.Reading the story of your narc, it is not wonder he has skewed versions of women!

helldweller's picture

Cowards

Well, he stopped talking to me when I found out about the other women. This was after a four year relationship. Total cowardice.

He called the police when I went to his house to talk to him about it. Sissy.

He walked out on his fiancee after dating her for ten years and didn't speak to her for two years. Not once. Because he chickened out.

He told me to buy him an engagement ring and propose because he was too scared.

He stopped talking to me after I found out I was pregnant.

He left town after I miscarried.

He left town after I found out about the California girl.

But of course, the sissiest, pussiest thing of all is that he was too much of a coward to have a relationship and his own child, so he took someone else's so he could pretend to be a father. Child protective services found out the child--four years old at the time--had a baby brother who had just been adopted. The loving, well to do couple who adopted him wanted to foster his brother as well, and to adopt him if it came to that. The narc refused to give him up.

The narc's inner circle said he was "so brave" to take in a foster child as a single, middle aged man. Oh freaking brother. The little sissy.

Susan32's picture

Not claiming their children

This is a total pattern. Your N is particularly egregious, using his foster son as some sort of sick status symbol (the diet he has that kid on makes me PUKE!!!!) He wants a child to have a facade of normality... as long as it isn't HIS. Too much of a wimp to be a father to the child he actually fathered. He wasn't even a father to YOUR daughters when he was YOUR fiance(!!!)

What's weird is that whenever I've seen references to the ex-Psych prof's twins... he is NEVER mentioned. The fact that their grandparents are raising them leaves an outsider with the impression that the poor twins lost their parents, so their grandparents had to raise them. Once, I read, "NT (the ex-P's father) is supervising his wife P in raising their grandchildren in NM." The ex-P doesn't claim his own kids. ZERO mention of the ex-P. The kids get mentioned, the grandparents raising them get mentioned.... but not the father and the mother (the ex-P and his girlfriend/wife) Very strange. Considering how the ex-P WANTED to father kids with me to look virile, heterosexual... and have control.

Susan32's picture

He'd say I was SCARING him...

When I was heartbroken over the loss of my grandfather. If I showed ANY emotion during class, if I was happy or sad, the ex-Psych prof say, "You're SCARING me." He'd say how I terrified him, how he wanted to sue me, telling his male disciples how he wanted me to drop dead... and this was when I was mourning.

My year-old nephew doesn't mind when I smile... but the ex-P (think of this as a 32 year old man, as he was at the time) would FREAK OUT. He was AFRAID that I might be laughing at him. If I was a giggly, enamored girl in his presence, he'd angrily snap, "Can you be SERIOUS?" He'd mock my "idiotic grin" and dismiss my happiness as "stupid&irritating."

I've never known anyone who was so afraid of seeing ANYONE happy... and even he wasn't happy. He had a depressive effect on people. He wasn't one of those charming, grinning, Good Times Narcs. Even my former Narc boss would enjoy talking about music, pastry, the latest thing he had seen on LOGO TV.

When I volunteered at a local school, he was AFRAID. He was horribly envious of... a bunch of kids. He did everything to dissuade me. But I did it anyhow. I told him the first graders had better manners than him.

When I FINALLY wrote for the college paper, he was AFRAID I mentioned him. So proudly I showed him the article. He tried to dismiss it... but considering how my writing is now... LOL... He tried to stopping the inevitable.

He was so very very afraid I'd read his beloved "War and Peace" that my senior class read "Anna Karenina" instead. He wanted me to be disappointed... that did NOT work. "Anna Karenina" has a Cerebral Narc (Alexei Karenin), so it ended up being more of a medicine than a poison, IMHO.

He was afraid I'd become a journalist and write about religion... I do both. He no longer considers himself a philosopher of religion. When I first met him, he considered himself a philosopher. Now he considers himself a literature expert (still obsessed with "War and Peace",because some things never change) He used to consider himself an expert on St. Augustine's "Confessions",claiming he read it in the original Latin. Well, since I wrote my senior thesis on Augustine's "Confessions", he's as likely to touch that book as a PETA member would touch a steak. I have poisoned it for him.

Turns out that YES... he is THAT scared.

He was afraid I'd defile his beloved "War and Peace" by turning it into a musical... hey folks at GLEE... I hope this idea gets to you! Lea Michele as Natasha, Cory Monteith as Pierre, Matthew Morrison as Andrei, and Colin Firth as Mr. Schuster's pretentious Narc ex-boyfriend! I want to see it! NOT NOW!!! YESTERDAY!!!

Steph's picture

Mine called the cops on

Mine called the cops on me...twice...for confronting him on his behaviour. I was desperately CRYING, trying to make him "get it"...how he had hurt me. Trying to make him have a heart, I guess. lol

oops, my mistake.

Even the frickin cop told me....NEVER have anything to do with him again! He is not behaving normally.

lol. Coward.

Nothing beats yours though....nearly running over a disabled woman. yikes.

ifinallygotit's picture

All are cowards

Because they are emotionally arrested at some point in childhood. They are like little kids and that is why I think they behave so cowardly when they have to face adult problems and conversations - because they can't! they are not really men no matter how big the body...
it is really pathetic even though we all got damaged from it.
Who runs away from their wife or girlfriend with no discussion? Its like little kids running off. Remember being a kid and being afraid to face adults after you did something bad?

momoya's picture

A Coward and then some! buddy!!

I found out he was a man that dissapeared, practiced silent treatment, played control games, cheated and also withheld sex and could only achieve his erections when his supply was just right. And he punished in very subtle ways to both OWx5 and his wife X2 and would not openly display his anger but would exude a quiet conetempt and then play more control dramas and grooming sessions so we could get it right for him. He would leave his wife for weeks at home and not answer her calls and not call her, all the time getting his supply fix via lies lies lies and loving gestures to his OW as he reeled the next one in.

I asked the OW all the quesitions I ever wanted to ask and she answered so openely. He hated my newfound knowledge. Oh that is the only revenge I have! That he was so bothered that he thought he could get away just by dissapearing and blocking my phone number.He thought that was the end of MoMoYa! He didn't ever want me to know what I know NOW. Because I also did a federal background check on his ass and then found the treasure chest of Truth!! I felt rich in knowledge. This feeling after those long weeks of pure grief and feeling lost in my own life, felt like the answer from God I prayed for so long. He was a coward amoung many other things. In the end I got what I wanted most - honest answers.

Susan32's picture

Run Forrest run!!!!

The ex-Psych prof looooves Leo Tolstoy's "War and Peace" because A LOT of the epic novel consists of characters beating hasty retreats. He'd say "it's about people running away from each other." Prince Andrei Bolkonsky runs away from his suffering, frightened, pregnant wife... leading to her death in childbirth. General Kutzov keeps retreating from battle with Napoleon... eventually wearing down Napoleon so he is defeated disastrously. The ex-P would praise Leo Tolstoy from running away from his wife Sofia when he was dying, he'd praise Ludwig Wittgenstein when an angry father tried to confront him on the physical abuse of his students (Wittgenstein would beat schoolchildren till they bled) I'd tell the ex-P blithely that he couldn't run away from the consequences forever. He could only run so much. He'd end up being like a lone coyote that gets ambushed&dined on by a cougar.... and cougars go for the jugular.

Some examples of cowardice-
1)When I met his serious live-in girlfriend after a concert, he made a run for it. He didn't introduce her to his colleagues.. he went running down the stairs. When she realized he had run away, she went running after him to catch up.
2)The next day he said "YOU put me in an awkward position!" as a friend of mine said "What a coward."
3)When I declared my love to him, he was soooo afraid he moved his seminar from one classroom to another.
4)In the senior skit, his habit of running away was the Grand Finale. It was mocked. In front of everyone. He was in the audience, towards the front. When that scene happened... he ran out.

He kinda knows that I find his cowardice and toddler-like behavior funny... so much so I'd send baby food and teething toys. Heck, I'd probably leave a voice message of me laughing endlessly just to drive him nuts.

Steph's picture

"run forrest, run" Hilarious!

"run forrest, run"

Hilarious!

victimnomore's picture

Yeah coward

Yeah, the N/P is the biggest coward that I have ever come in contact with. When i would ask him if he found an apartment he would lie and say that he can't afford an apartment and the whole time he was purchasing a house with the OW. He was such a coward but always tried to act like a tough guy!

He could never just talk to me and be honest. he was a big liar and a coward!

peace!

ifinallygotit's picture

cowards

Only a coward would hurt the woman he professes to love by going silent and running away instead of discussing needs like an adult. Even though regular men do not enjpy talking about difficult subjects and feelings, they tough it out. Normal people do not run away, abandon and devastate their loved ones...they break up with you and talk, or say they need space - they care what happens to you.
My ex N is like a little child terrified of the mess he made and he has made quite a few.
You do wonder how they deal with knowing that they continue to leave wreckage behind. MIne is in his 50's and running wild still...

mystwoman's picture

"Only a coward would hurt the

"Only a coward would hurt the woman he professes to love by going silent and running away instead of discussing needs like an adult."

This is so true. Xnh consistently finds ways to avoid dealing with problems or anything else he doesn't really want to do. One of his big "escapes" is finding excuses (any excuse will do) for going to one of the sites at work that is 65 miles away from his office. His job position does NOT require him to go there ever, by the way, and other co-workers have made numerous comments about exactly WHY is he out there? Xnh has done this for (literally) years. It's his form of "avoidance". While he's at this site, he's unavailable because it's so distant, and he doesn't have to deal with any of his personal problems. Namely he didn't have to cope with his out-of-control children ditching school, etc. or (horrors) interact with his horrible wife (me). Whenever the going gets tough, xnh just gets going.

I got really tired of xnh never being available for any interactions with me, and his children calling me (on the job) multiple times per day because they could never reach xnh. I finally forced him into getting a cell phone with a service that covers the area of the distant site. It made xnh angrier than Hell to get this phone, because now he couldn't just "escape" whenever he wished. His "problems" could call him whenever they wished. I only wanted to call him when it was something really important (like when his brother got put into the hospital for a brain injury). His problem children would just call him up, and annoy him whenever they wanted because he doesn't have the balls to tell them STOP calling at work unless it's an emergency. Xnh is a coward, and would drive 65 miles away each day rather than tell his children "no" about anything or deal with any personal problems.

Xnh's other form of escape was to run 500 miles away to his mommy's house (preferably without either me or his children). He's done this about once a month for as long as I've known him. Not only was xnh a coward dealing with any problems, he's not quite weaned yet either. Xnh simply runs away like a little boy.

Hunter's picture

IFGI

They do not reconagize the damage they cause! The damage is caused by you not them! Get it!

You guys need to understand that they can not process normal!

I will try and get to a computer and type my conversation with my narc! It just blows me away! There us no hope for them!

All we can do is save ourselves!

onwithmylife's picture

He told me

that he was scared of women during a phone conversation, it was like a deep dark secret he held within himself and confessed it to me, it was strange but very telling,he is a real coward, when he found out his first wife was in the same store as him,his son told him that, he ran out of the store and probably why he would never see me again, he carries huge guilt around him, even if it is only subconsciously, he knows deep down how he has treated women in his life.espically if the women know who he is.He also never fought to get back a good size security deposit that he lost unfairly, he told me many times he has no fight left so just flees, he was shaking like a leaf when he saw wife 3 for a court date over visitation rights with the daughters.

Vilde's picture

coward!

---Mine, each time he arrived to my country/city/home (he really hated it !!) was shaking like a jelly!!!! You should see his shaking hands :-D ! You know - all sources of his supply (aka : family and buddies) were 1300 km away and poor he.... alone amongst Real Human Beings ... Each time he wanted to visit me (and it was NOT OFTEN) he demanded I should do something to makemy parents like him instead of hate him... What a bravery !

--- His plumber cheated on him really seriously. He prefered to pay HUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE bill for new pipes (you can't imagine how huge!) rather that to fight for his rights in a official way. I wanted to help him , I even got a promise of support from local consumers' federation, but he refused !!!! He was shaking like a jelly again.

--- I was really scared when I realized he stop to breathe at night! I sent him to the doctor which confirmed after a few tests than my N stops to breathe 15 times at night !!!! My N got a special mask ( pumping fresh air to his lungs) to sleep with it. As long as I lived with him, he used it. After I left him, he stopped ... SURE! No one should see him wearing this mask!!!It is better to risk his life than use "respirator". Moron.

---He NEVER wanted to introduce me to his parents.I met mum accidently, I never met his father...hmmm....anything to hide? Ugly secrets maybe? Gee... even better I never met his daddy... if the N is afraid to show you his daddy, then I can only imagine what a monster he (daddy) is.

jaycee's picture

dudette they are all cowards

a real man would not treat their significant other as if they were an object. they wouldnt cheat they would be man enough to end a relationship first.......not devastate another human being.

candy's picture

dudette

My narc was a very big dominant man ... a proper tough talkin man, but i remember once at work,a guy prompted him to tell him what he really thought of there boss (a woman),and he did,said exactly what he thought of her...His boss was good to him,lent him money to put him over till pay day,that sort of thing,and she had a good work relationship with him, ... anyway the guy he worked with told his boss everything that he had said about her,which were not so nice ... she then approache him over it, but he couldnt deny it,and he was moved not long after that to a new place of work .... but what im getting at,he never even asked the guy why he had done what he did,he worked with him till he was moved (bout 2 weeks) and never once approached him.i don't know why this guy done this,must be a very good reason .. but i know my narc never had the balls to have it out with him .... THE COWARD ! ............ candy xx

neverlookback's picture

cowards

and your just discovering that? Their middle name is COWARD!!!! I am mean tonight, geez as my psycho always said, I must be on the rag again or forgot to take my medication, ah ha ha You bet they are cowards, run little coward run the truth is coming the truth is coming...... run and hide behind your mask of LIES