TLSM's Story

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#1 Apr 9 - 10PM
TLSM
TLSM's picture

TLSM's Story

This is long. You may need a nap afterwards. I posted this here 3 weeks ago. I paste & copied here.

*** THIS IS LONG!!!!*** Whoa...What just happened to me and WTF has been happening to me for the past 4.5 years? And why the hell did I carry on with this whack job when my instincts were screaming at me from the very beginning?

Because I have been dealing with a very cunning, calculating, brainwashing evil man.
He excitedly hunts for his prey. And I was a great catch, vulnerable as hell.

We met on match.com. We lived about 600-800 miles apart from each other- an gour plane ride apart.

On match.com, I decided to expand my radius of search since there were only lame men in my area.

I wanted it all. Looks, tall height, made a good living and had an impressive profile.

I sought him out. He was 48 years old and looked 35. He was 5 years older than me. I loved his pictures and profile. He seemed like a great father, he was GORGEOUS and made bank.
Whoa. Jackpot.

I "winked" at him and he responded the next day. I was too hesitant to talk on the phone, so I suggested MSN instant messaging. We hit it off immediately. We had same sense of humor, had EVERYTHING in common - he said all the PERFECT things I have never heard before.

I always believed there were two types of men...The sexy hot guys who break your heart or the nice guys who are just too vanilla for me.
This guy WAS BOTH. HE WAS PERFECT.
I felt I could finally breathe because I found the love of my life.

I asked him if he was attracted to my picture and what he thought when he first saw it when I winked.
"I thought you were so, so beautiful. Unlike any beauty I have ever seen before. I saw innocence. I saw the perfect amount of confusion and chaos. I saw a wounded bird that needed to be taken care of. I saw the sweetest girl in the world. An angel..."
I of course not knowing what I know now thought...
"WOW he could read all that from my picture? I feel like he really knows me! WOW! He wants to take care of me!!!"
But hindsight is 20/20...I now clearly see a cunning and ingenious predator that spotted the perfect prey just by the picture of my face. He was dead on to my overly trusting character and vulnerability from a rough childhood.
Knowing what I know now, this scares the shit out of me.

We realized our predicament- the distance - and although we never met yet, we decided to be exclusive. This was ONLY after a week of talking. He sent me 3 dozen roses. He wooed the hell out of me. He told me he loved me with no face to face meeting and within ONE WEEK-in fact I think it was 3 days.
I told him the same. We knew it was crazy, but went for it.

2 weeks later, he couldn't stand it and had to fly up to see me. It was INSTANT connection. It knocked me on my ass. He was the sexiest hottest man I'd ever been with.

We continued to see each other and saw each other once or twice a month for 3-4 days at a time. It was very hard on both of us, but we were determined to make it work.He told me he wanted to marry me but we should wait a year or so because he and I were at the time both separated and had children - he has 3 kids now ages 26, 20 and 13 my little girl is now 7.
She was 3 when she met him and absolutely LOVED him and he was very sweet to her... Right away he told me that he cheated on his soon-to-be ex wife. He had an affair for 5 years behind her back!!! and eventually left her for this other woman.
He told me his soon-to-be ex wife was CRAZY. She would chase him around the house and he'd have to hide. She tried to run him over with her car. She sprayed Raid on him. She would stalk him...She would use the kids against him - used them like pawns. He was deathly afraid of her. She had major control over him -their kids. The way his children viewed him was very important to him.

He also told me his ex GF - the one he left his wife for was also crazy and stalked him. In fact, since her, all women stalk him...RED FLAG.

He hid me from his kids because he didn't want his ex to bad mouth me -which was true. I didn't meet them until 3 years into our relationship. Throughout our relationship we had AWESOME times but there were bad times and they became so frequent. At night I wouldn't hear from him and he'd tell me the next day his cell phone battery died. (remember he lives 600 miles away...Couldn't do any drive bys! LOL...Only had the phone to check in on him.)His stories would ALWAYS change and were never consistant. When we'd argue, he'd punish me by hanging up and ignoring me for days. Nothing EVER got resolved.

I was always breaking up with him because of this..and then days later, I'd beg him back. I'd cry and plead and he'd say "You can't just break up with me all the time! You don't know what it does to me! I start letting go of you and...You just can't do that!" I thought that meant he was in a tortured state! No...It meant that the piece of S couldn't be alone and probably screwed around.

There were times he'd break up with me and scream "I don't want you anymore! I want to meet new women! You are boring! You were so boring in Hawaii! (I arranged all excursions, btw). Leave me alone!"Then he'd call me two days later begging me. He promised he wasn't with any women. I found out later he was.
We started fighting and he would D & D me constantly.

I started getting very insecure and didn't trust him. He said he could never trust me. WHAT???

I had this feeling he was still in touch with that homewrecker he had an affair with. He'd tell me she'd text him or email him and that he would just ignore it. But then I'd ask him about it again and the story TOTALLY would change. I'd catch him in a lie and he'd hang up on me.

He and I took several breaks that never lasted more than 2 or 3 days. But they were getting frequent and something wasn't right.

His emotional abuse started taking it's toll on me. I was in a deep depression and became totally, 100 percent obsessed with him. Every thought was of him. Every day surrounded him even though I rarely saw him. It was sick. He even told me he wanted me obsessed with him!

I finally met his two youngest children 3 years into our relationship and they were so sweet. He was so happy we all met, because now me, my daughter him and his 2 youngest could go on a cruise together. His ex wife put a stopped to that and I hated her.

We would constantly fight about her and him neglecting the crap out of me and ALWAYS calling me needy and that he needs someone independent. I am a single mom who runs and owns her own business. SCREW YOU BUDDY.

He has a very successful business and makes a sick amount of money. He has women around all the time.

There are a lot of women in his field and he took advantage of that. He bought a $300,000 boat to throw parties on and had all these drunk women on (he doesn't drink, btw - he's sober). OF COURSE I was never invited and plus the convenience of me living so far away made it so easy for him to hide things. He'd tell me stories of them trying to kiss him and grabbing his rear-end.
These parties made me sick. I told him he was whoring himself out giving these ridiculous childish parties that had nothing to do with his business. He is 48! Grow up!!!
He'd totally ignore me. Then he started having these MASSIVE parties at the House of Blues yearly that had 1500 people come - business, friends, etc...With each year the parties got bigger and more outragous.
He told me it gave him a ton of business. Although true, it gave him alot more attention too...
This last summer in July he was to have this annual bash. He hired Sugar Ray to perform.
He told me that I cannot flirt, talk with any men, talk to Sugar Ray (what?), I couldn't drink because he thought that would exaggerate the flirtations he would have with these women. He said I am not to get upset if he talks to women. If I didn't obey, I couldn't come. When I got down there, I had the WORST feeling in my stomach. He was SO distant. Didnt want to have sex. He said he was preoccupied with party. I knew something was up.

This guy is SOOO Friggin conceited that he had a step and repeat made At the entrance of the party (this is similar to the red carpet with a billboard of an advertisement of brand featured at event).So before entering the party, each person "got" (I say HAD)to take a picture with him. That was 1500 people that had to do this. I was SO embarrassed. But I could tell all the women loved it. GROSS. What an ass.
I hated being there and the next night was another party, but he told me I couldnt go because no one is bringing there signifigant others. What a crock.
As he was gone that night, I found a condom, not used in a wrapper, at the foot of his bed on a bench. It was under his luggage (we were going to his HS reunion the next day). I almost died. I saw the expiration date was 2000, which was 10 years ago from that date. So I was confused.
While I was down there, his eldest daughter was staying with him and it was the first time she and I ever really talked. She told me things about her mom and dad and I started to see her mother wasn't crazy at all. It scared me. Then his daughter said something that freaked me out."My dad is a very sick man. You have been warned."

His own daughter told me this. Then the next day we had to go to his HS reunion. I wanted to go home. SOmething was NOT right and my body was desperately pleading to me that something wasn't right. I was a mess.On the last day I broke up with him. We didn't talk the whole plane ride home and he dropped me off at airport.

Then his brother started getting in touch with me trying to patch things up with us. He told me he has never seen his brother so much in love as he was with me.My ex-narc's brother and I talked for less than a week and told me he had dinner with my ex-narc and he his an asshole and he is starting to date. It had only been 4 days.
Then his brother started spilling information. It was horrible.He told me that he has been flirting and texting a 28 year old girl. HE IS 20 YEARS OLDER THAN HER! 4 days after I broke up with him, he TOOK HER TO VEGAS WITH HIM! He told me that my ex talked about me and BODY PARTS and compared them to this YOUNG GIRL. (His brother is creepy for even telling me that). Then he told me he has been cheating on me in the past year and maybe more. He told me he ditched my daughters 7th birthday (he told me "Im not her father!!!) to go fishing in Mexico. WITH PROSTITUTES! He also told me he was in touch with his ex homewrecker girlfriend and who knows who else.

I was devistated. I had NO idea. Really, I didnt. I was in the worst state of shock and anxiety. I couldn't eat or sleep. I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I would have rather him be dead than this because I know he is still out there having fun and lurking around.How could he do this to me??? I thought I was the love of his life!!!???
He is so cold to just go from me to YOUNG girl and fly her to Vegas???? How long has this been going on??? OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Keep in mine, my ex-narc had NO idea I had been speaking with his brother and I promised him I wouldn't tell my ex.

WELL TOO BAD.I wrote him the most VILE letter and my ex FREAKED OUT. His brother was mad at me and my ex called me (after ignoring me when I called, text and emailed him right after I broke up with him). I didn't pick up. His message said "I don't know what you are fishing for. My brother is a liar and a sick alcholic..." and then my phone cut him off. LOL I immediately called his 26 yr old daughter since she basically opened the door to talk about everything. She was not shocked. She was upset for me because she really liked me. She told me I should really talk to her mom (his ex). And so I did.She told me stories that were exactly like mine. She told me my ex-narc told her that he treated me far worse than he ever treated her. I don't know why he'd tell her that because clearly from what she told me he was alot worse to her, so that was weird.
He was bad to both of us.She told me that he was diagnosed with Anti-social personality disorder and NPD.
At that time I had little info on both. She told me to buy the book "women Who Love Psychopaths."

It was healing to speak with her. I understand her hatred and insanity towards him. She promised me she wouldn't tell the 2 younger kids. She also said "THere is no way he could know. He would make my life hell. Remember, I have to deal with him forever cause of the kids."So I believed her.

I tried to date and it sucked. It was so hard, but I found a fun hot guy to hang with.Then I got a very intense email from my ex a month later. I told him that I wouldn't speak to him unless he flew up here and met me at my counselors office because I need to heal from this. He said ok.He told me he broke it off with the 28 year old. He didn't like her much anyways because she was too skinny, had no lips, no ass and she looked 18.So he asked his ex wife if she could watch kids cause he needed to go out of town. WHY she asked? Because I am going to see _____and I want to get her back .

OH BOY. She freaked out. She told him we talked. She told him all the kids knew what he did to me.
He went ballistic on me.it was all MY fault!!

He blamed his brother and I for talking to each other.

Then his brother told my ex that I "MADE" him tell me. He is 49 years old!!!

My ex said I was sick for talking to his ex and now his children think he is a pervert. HE BLAMED EVERYONE, especially me when he was AT THE CENTER of it all!
I took the blame and begged him back!!! Yes I DID!!!
We tried to make it work but fought constantly.Then his ex wife did something pretty sick. She used what I said to her as ammunition to get what she needed from her ex - my ex- narc, more money. She told her youngest girl who was 12 what she and I talked about. Then she asked her "are you afraid your daddy may touch you in an inappropriate way?"(he never did that)It got ugly and my ex blamed ME for that too.He was the one WHO BETRAYED ME in the first place! I believe he started slandering me to her, his friends, his parents...Everyone he knew and told everyone it was my fault and had people believing that I was "sick" for talking to his crazy ex wife.

OMG. It was hell.He decided he'd see me one more time to see what would happen after much begging and pleading and crying on my part. I took full blame. He locked his phone, was acting weird, told me that he is sorry for ever mentioning marriage when he probably will never marry. But in the next sentence he'd tell me he is ready now. WHAT?He told me he has too much venom towards me and ended it. I begged more. Did no good. This was right before the holidays. He never called me Christams nor New Years. Just blew me off. I was devistated.

Then first week of Feb, I got a "read receipt" email from him- he read an old email he never read. Seeing his name in my email box gave me a heart attack. But it was just a read receipt. A week later, I got two more...What the hell is he doing? Planting a seed? Fishing?I ignored it, but it got me obsessing even more after it had finally died down and I started developing feelings for someone else.The next week, Valentines Day I received 6 dozen roses. No name on the note, Just "You will always remain the most uncommonly beautiful woman in the world".I knew it was him. That's the way he talks. Totally copied bullshit.I ignored him on that too! I was proud of myself. But I have to say, it was fun seeing how far he'd go. I still loved him desperately.Then I get an email stating that he is ready to get married. He has a new home, wants to take care of me from the car I drive, to the ring on my finger...He named all the things that he missed. This bastard was ONE STEP AHEAD OF ME. I was not prepared for the marriage speech.He got me...But I sent him a vile email telling him he needs help. But I ended up talking to him anyways.He confessed to seeing the 28 year old the whole time we tried to work it out the last time! He was even with her the night before he last saw me! He spent xmas with her and got her a gift and valentines present - peanut butter prezels. He told me that he has made it perfectly clear to her that she is too young and to date other guys. He even signed up on a very expensive dating service and was repulsed by all the women he met. He "realized" that he was looking for me in all of them. He even said he showed the service my picture and said "this is what I want."I don't believe that!I told him I want him "break it off with her NOW, while I am on the phone listening. Put her on the speakerphone so I can hear whole conversation." I know thats childish, but I wanted to see if he'd do it.He did!He said "Hi. We need to talk. You know that I could never be serious with you cause of our age difference and I've encouraged you to date. I am still in love w my ex and want to be with her forever. I sent her 6 dozen roses on V Day. I love her very much and never stopped. I love her daughter, too."The girl was quiet and said "This is kinda out of the blue" and he said "No it's not. You know I've always loved her" She said Ok...And that was it.I started opening my heart to him again. He told me to come down and I will set an appointment to look at rings and I will buy one that day. I told him that I will be engaged to him for 1-2 years to make sure that he would try and get help like he promised and to see if this is really what I want. He said ok.I got down there and he got a luxurious hotel and we went to dinner. My walls were up and I was uncomfortable. He immediately said he changed his mind and didn't want to purchase ring. I was in shock! I said "This is crazy. You are insane. I am not going forward with you."The next morning I was supposed to go to his company party that day and an award ceremony that night. All his friends and co workers were excited to see me, but I wanted out. I saw that he was a liar.I stayed another night at hotel cause I couldn't get flight out that day. I didn't hear from him and I didn't call him. The next morning I panicked! I called him up. He told me he cancelled appointment with jeweler. I told him I was sorry for breaking up with him but I just have so much anger! ( I was obviously losing my mind at this point). I begged to see him and demanded I go to his house right now! He said NO WAY.He told me he met a girl at the awards ceremony and kissed her and has a date with her....Wait...Didn't he just want to marry me a day ago, buy me a ring, then turn around and take that back because he couldn't handle my anger???I went home and we talked on the phone. He told me he lied about the girl. The truth was is he wants to TRY AND MAKE IT WORK WITH THIS 28 YEAR OLD HE JUST DUMPED ON THE PHONE INFRONT OF ME!!!OHMYGODI said "My god. You cannot be alone for several hours at a time! You went back to your last resort after I broke up with you because you didn't want to try"I begged and pleaded and he said he burned all my pictures and deleted all my emails. He even burned a photo album I made for him of us over the years. He said he wants to remove this stamp hold I have on him and let go forever.I am devistated. I can't believe he keeps cutting me off, begging me back and then dumping me worse than the time before. I find it hard to believe that he is trying with this 28 year old.So now I am obsessing. I found out who she is and saw what she looks like. She is very plain. She looks like she is 18!!! They must look ridiculous together!!!She was also at that huge party he gave this past summer and I saw a pic of them together in that photo album online when he made everyone take pictures with him.I am grateful for this site. Thank GOD you guys are here.I am scared to death he will be back. He always comes back...Narcissists usually do. My daughter is totally affected by all of this.IT NEEDS TO END!Thanks for listening. MUCH LOVE TO ALL OF YOU!!!

Apr 13 - 4PM
dudette
dudette's picture

TSLM

I have just read your story and it made me recoil in sheer horror.... It's unbelievable that people can be such monsters... and yet it is true that they can. I really feel for you and your daughters. To be in such situations really sucks but to have our children also taken in for the ride is so abject. Hope you can stay strong and stay NC from now on, and heal.... All the best to you and yours TSLM. Dx
Apr 13 - 2PM
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

OMG!

Is all I can say. What a horrific experience to go through. I'm so sorry for your pain, your story brought tears to my eyes. We all have such horrible stories that have so many similarities, but some are much worse than others. And I'm new here, but I'm guessing the longer the relationship, the worse the story. It's like everyone keeps saying, it just keeps getting worse and worse. These guys are truly sick, sadistic bastards! I still can't believe how absolutely awful they can be! Their cruelty knows no bounds.
Apr 13 - 4PM (Reply to #5)
TLSM
TLSM's picture

Thank you Smitten!

I really appreciate you taking time and reading this looooong story of mine and commenting. And thank you for your support and sympathy. It means a lot after someone reads your personal story. Thank you! I am so grateful to this board. I don't know where I'd be without it! Xoxo!
Apr 9 - 11PM
wisdomneeded
wisdomneeded's picture

TLSM'S S Story

I know it is difficult, but sharing your story helps others - Stay Strong for your daughter - -Thank you so much! Hugs!!!!
Apr 9 - 11PM (Reply to #3)
TLSM
TLSM's picture

thank you wisdom!

Sorry it was so long! Thank you for reading. Best to you.
Apr 9 - 10PM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

TLSM

Thank you for sharing *again* sorry you went through all that...both the experience and cutting and pasting. I note earlier you said you had a bad day. I'm trying to keep things organized, I have to come up with a better routine cause I am bouncing all over the board. What I think I'd like to do is stay on the main board, but all messaages for me preface with MICHELE115 in the subject line. Because some members are posting here, some are in pvt message, some are on the main thread, and I'm all over the map!...LOL but it's great eye exercise... SO...lets talk about your day...I'll stay on a little later, it's 12:32, I'll wait until 12:45 EST to see if you get this...GO TO THE MAIN BOARD AND START A NEW MESSAGE prefaced with MICHELE115/from TLSM and I will respond there...let's get it out girl! Hugs!