Child visitation

Is dead on...especially the cautioning on the reacting part. They are master manipulators.

You piece of trash sounds EXACTLY like mine. When I read what he wrote I thought jeez that is something my daughter's father would say. When you are in it and you are not able to connect with your child, bo,y can you not see clearly. I have lost it so many times and sent similar emails back. It does no good. I don't have the answers. I am looking for mentors myself -- women who did this before me, but what I do know for myself is that these tiffs don't really matter. The courts don't care. Here is what I see -- if you have a crap dad like this -- who uses the child to torment the mother, who is never there, who doesn't call to check in, but gets in front of the right people to claim to be a father who loves his child deeply but is blocked from that child because of the mother even with your proof that he is lying the courts will see differently than how you expect them to. The courts are just happy that a father wants to be involved and you need to shut up and take it. Because don't you know 2 parents are better than one even if one is an abusive a-hole. This is the fundamental belief and value of our system that will not change. This has been my experience. Careful with that Guardian Ad Litem stuff. I thought I had a fool proof case and on its facts it was ... BUT ... these guys are master manipulators and can convince anyone of anything --- eventually his plea though plagued with lies is plausible and no one knows who to believe. So be careful ! Be careful with your emails --- less is more ! Don't argue. In the email above --- get a friend to write it. You are enraged and you are giving him fodder to play with in the legal battle. You need to understand that controlling yourself fully even when you want to talk to your son after surgery will win your war -- this is just a battle. The answer above to his BS -- should've have just been. "After our son had surgery -- it gives him comfort to know that both parents are there for him even when we are not physically together. Please give me a time that works for us to connect." You said "our" son (courts like that), you are stating his needs -- not yours (courts love that) AND you put the ball in his court forcing him to set up a time. If he doesn't he does look like an asshole to the court - put him a position where you look delightful and he looks like a pathological pri***. His ignoring you -- you have to ignore. Sucks big time -- and TRUST ME -- I know. You are going to have to do the oddest thing, but block thoughts of your son out of your mind while he is with his father -- it will be easier and the narc will have less control on you. It goes against everything we, as mothers, are naturally, but to do it --- gives him less control and power over you. Don't waste your money in court - get out as soon as you can ! I am probably about 80K in (never married and never lived together) -- I have to dismiss because the lies made it too difficult to overcome. He lied about everything -- even things that were obvious and I was always on the defensive. It don't look good for me and the squeaky wheel gets the oil. Be careful ! They will lie about EVERYTHING !! they will tell the world you are crazy and with 2 people fighting for so long -- the courts think it is both of you -- as a mother for some crazy reason you have a higher standard. Clean up your image -- don't fight any more -- no more bait --- business emails only. Let them see you as calm, cool and business oriented -- remember when you were a kid and a sibling started a fight and your parents said "I don't care whose fault it is -- stop it." Same thing in court. Give them and him nothing ! Sorry to babble -- but I soo soo sooo sooo connect it isn't even funny. I've been to helll and back ... I am also ready for bed, but wanted to respond before I hit the hay. I feel for you deeply and truthfully your story could be mine in the future ... my daughter's father is a doctor no less, but an absolute moron and does the dumbest things that doctors tell you no to do .... so if this were to happen to us ... oh my goodness the flack I would get would be horrifying, degrading, belitttling, humiliating and so on ... just like yours. Good luck and drop a line.

So sorry you had to go through this last night.... What a jerk! if anything, your experience is teaching me that my custody documents need to be rock-solid. Hugs!

I'm just happening upon this post I apologize... As far as being able to answer the question though, for me it would be difficult because the details are sketchy and moreover, even if you gave a whole painted scenario, on this board, it would be hard to give legal advice, other than if someone else went through a particular thing? Me personally, I haven't been involved in child custody/visitation issues, I know some things but perhaps and I'm guessing here...your question seems to be more legal in nature? Emotionally I can empathize and I understand there isn't an order per se...but whether you went too far or not?... From an emotional point of view, I can understand you'd want to speak with your child and no, my personal opinon, no you didn't BUT...you know that you are dealing with a disordered individual and unfortunately, you may have to go as far as to get a modification to spell out very specifically what the rules are regarding phone calls during visitation. It stands to reason knowing what we know that he will go out of his way to be master chop buster...