db_1213's story
db_1213's story
My experience w/my NH has been traumatic & devastating—emotionally, psychologically, & financially. I was 47 and had two sons (one ours) when I married him. Never in my life had anyone been so mean to me. Though we had had a relationship for many years, we had never lived together, and when we moved in w/him (and his teenage son), I was full of hope & promise thinking—as he led me to believe—that we were coming together as a family for love, security, & sharing. What I got was something altogether very different! Living w/him robbed me of my self-esteem & confidence and caused me to question everything about myself, as a woman, a wife, a mother, a friend, and even my own sanity.
His controlling behavior started almost immediately but, back then, it was all very covert. Initially I chalked it up to the stress of moving, the challenges of blending a family, and all the other things one would come to expect in that situation. Very soon though, his little jokes didn’t seem quite so funny anymore, and then every part of caring for my now much larger house & family was put upon me and only me. When the kids started shutting down I felt as if I was holding the entire emotional heart of the family in my hands but, no matter what I did, it wasn’t good enough for him.
He was very withholding and everything was always about HIM and HIS needs and what I could do to make HIS life perfect, and it all had to be done on HIS time schedule, and whether he verbalized HIS needs or not, I was supposed to know what those needs were, and if I didn’t, well then, I was to be punished. That punishment took many forms but, most often (and the worse for me) it consisted of the silent treatment—sometimes for days at a time, often over holidays and, on one occasion, for 5 weeks straight!
It didn't take long for things to escalate and I became more and more frightened for myself & my children. Not only was he becoming more intimidating but, he had struck our young son a couple of times, and he also ostracized my older son. I just knew I couldn’t let my sons grow up thinking that this is how you should treat someone so, I managed to find a way to leave and, in the summer of 2009, my boys & I moved out.
I want desperately to be divorced from this man but, as anticipated, he is making it extremely difficult. When, oh when, I wonder, will it ever be over?!
How did this happen to ME?
The silent treatment can be
So Similar
DB
db, braveheart,
spinning