How can I ever get things back with him? :'(

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#1 Mar 1 - 3PM
AquariusGal
AquariusGal's picture

How can I ever get things back with him? :'(

Somebody please help me.

It's really hard to still accept and believe all of this.
I have been reading so so much online be it all articles for a month. I am too exhausted after my exams, i cant read more. After reading n having friends around, i am empowered, but if i dun read other people's stories and advices I fall back to square one instantly.

I just break NC, like thou everywhere is recommending and advised NC is the best and the only way, i went to find him I beg, well I tried to cry but when I meet him I was blank. Perhaps minutes before he willing to turn up after my persuading, I am too pissed off n exhausted from explaining to him why he should come out and meet me without any benefits for him. I cry I beg I know I shouldn’t. I was so wanting until I almost wanted buy those get back ex online book, just that I have no cash card.

I cant stop thinking and regretting how nice wondering and amazing he was but I lost it, somehow it's all my fault, but i never meant it too, I was having pms that week my mood and temper wasn’t under my control.
I want him back, but no matter how I explain I say I speak I ask I beg and beg and beg, in sms in calls in face to face like today, all is no use. He is cold and hard as i duno like a rock. I just cant move him at all.

But one thing for sure, base on his character he wouldn’t bother if I die or what, but he would still reply to my sms and calls, what a miracle?

So what about NC? That didn’t make him worry or even contact me back. He says now his life and priority would be all on his family, friends and dance!!!! He moved on ultra well, just like any typical NARS they are charming, popular no body would ever see any problems in them.

And BTW he pushed me away not only claiming:
-I do not admit my mistakes (I did and apologies already in fact),
-he says he loves dance (he want attention and spotlight I know),
-he says he has some illness that we can never be the same.

I cried and keep assuring I do not mind , I DON’T MIND, but he just keep rebutting: “so what you don’t? I mind!”. So whats going on here? I said I want to go through with him no matter what illness he has cos we promised eachother never let go of each other, WE SAID THAT, but how can he be so irresponsible, heartless to forget every single thing!!!!!????

Somebody please tell me, enlighten me, why why why, why would someone change so much and fast like instantly which is not even medically scientifically possible!!!!?????
Someone who don’t miss a past, remember nothing at all.

After together about 2 years, he would still always bring out the past quarrels and talk about it how I have resulted in those quarrels which affected the relationship. But hell no, most of the time it was him being too demanding and jealous that he confronted me that’s why we quarrel. SO I feel he do have NARS, but maybe I plays a part too. Becos he was really nie and great and fantastic at the beginning, its so hard for me to accept things changed so much, I cant take it I cant believe it, no. I am thinking maybe I hurt his feelings a lot at the beginning of the relationship that worsen any NARS he has naturally. He used to be really sad and hurt whenever there are guys after me, one guy is like a torture to him I can see. There were like about 6 guys or more I duno, but for sure I am feeling I hurted his feelings too much.

Even recently in December while I was having PMS, I said and does things that hurt him, but I didn’t mean it, but he was so offended and unwilling to let it go. I was so angry he left me alone and thinking everything, I felt he don’t deserve me, so I initiate breakup a lot times recently. But finally one day he agreed to it and make it the way is he wanting to break up with me.

Or worst I turn him into a NARS cos he is someone so intense, so he really got hurt till the extent of turning a NARS. In that case, all the more I feel more guilty and sad and obligated to turn back and make things better for us.

I cant forget the days we had, how he is always there for me, he was so good to me. He really was. I swear. But he said we will never be the same.

I know his dance is far more attractive than I am, more rewarding than I could anymore. But why couldn’t he give up dancing to work things out with me, you know I am willing, cos now I really know how to be a better person.

Someone to let me know I aren’t alone.

Sorry I am not in a clear state of mind (I know everyone is expecting we/ I should). Sorry ladies.

But I really wish and want to go back to the past, I really want to.
What can I do to make us back???????????????? Please teach me. :’(

Or is there anyways I could have him back?
A person of so much NARS in him.
Any experienced people?

Please share and help. ):

Aug 19 - 3PM
TNR1
TNR1's picture

O..K.....so....this is where

Aug 19 - 9AM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Same SHIT; different day

Mar 3 - 7PM
AquariusGal
AquariusGal's picture

@indenial Yes, every thing

@indenial Yes, every thing was so nice and perfect and great, that until now we are still undecided (yes silently in out heart) that things might not be as what it is. He was nice, he was always there for me. Be it i was ill, i had skin problems, i dont dress like model, i dont sing like a star, i am just normal average girl but he stick with me thin and thick (used to). Just becos the begining things was just so great to be. It's really truly hard for us to think that those wasnt true. No one know better than us those time was really true, they never fake, so all the more it's really hard for us to accept they are actually bad. In fact it hurts not becos i was led on, but i feel so sad and hurt how has he become in this state. Where has the once nice,good pretty boy gone? I just cant believe it. I just be in coma all those while, a real deep long coma that i dreamt i was in a wonderland where everything was so great, then suddenly i woke up to be in this reality world. How cruel how nice. Only damaged brain people like us would wish to be knock down and fall into coma again just for the sake of living in the dreams. But perhaps this what life is all about, reality true life is just way to hurting that sometimes innocent us just wish to sleep longer to escape the world. But seems a dream is afterall a dream, we will still wake up someday. Even we self hypotise forever, anybody form outsider viewpoint would definately see how fake everything is cos it's not real! Having said those, of cos like anyone of use we still wish that whatever he displayed was just purely coincident, they arent really like that. No they arent!!!!!! Undecided? Self denial? I am ready to accept mine is a NARS anytime. Meanwhile i am still wondering, is it he got hurt from past experience (he being jealous freak might got severely hurt everytime a guy get close to me, which is too numerous to count times). OR he feels self disgraced and thus hating himself inwards due to his STD illnes?? thats why he is so "damaged" in personality and character now?
Mar 3 - 5AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

AG

Hugs and Love, I'm going to be honest here and it may hurt! Re-read what you wrote. This is the making of a crazy man. You are asking questions no one has the answers to, not even professional who study this disorder! Clearly he is disordered, you can't go back, he has disguarded you! We are all here for the same reason. Some of us are farther along than others. Right now you feel, there is no hope, I'm here to tell you there is! NC is for your benefit not for his! The person you are dealing with is so disfynctinal, trying to figure out what's going on in him is a waste time and cause more Brain damage than necessary, He is damaged that's all you need to know ( you need to educate yourself with NPD) The only way to get past the insanity is to remove the cancer! NC, therapy,and being here with us will allow you to move forward! All of this will help you but ultimately you are in the pilots seat! Please take a step back stay away from this toxic man and begin to heal your soul. It's a journey of your life, you will survive and become stronger from this bad experience! Idealk
Mar 3 - 4AM
indenial
indenial's picture

I've been ewxactly where your

I've been ewxactly where your at time and time again. Its a truly vicious circle. Even now I don't fully want to accept that he's a narc even though I'm uncovering more and more of his lies everyday. It is a cycle of idealize and devalue but now although it angers me I don't feel the same depth of emotional pain. I'm just still looking for what ? I don't know ? Closure ? Him to be exposed ? He has spun a web of lies between me and his wife and I can't quite work out what is the truth here. He comes back to me and nothing changes. I wonder if he is so scared that I will tell her the truth and in turn she will tell me the truth ? I've threatened too but what's the point ? Just make me look bad and feel bad. Deep down I known the truth. He's far more needy than any of us. There is never any point going back. Don't beg him don't contact him. You are still too emotionally vulnerable. Try and focus on how miserable he makes you and know that even though walking away will hurt a lot eventually the pain will subside. With him the pain will just go on. Read all you can. Understand and accept and you will gain strength. This website helps so much where friends and family can't because they don't understand it. They couldn't. Its like a chilling horror story. Now I see him and I see glimpses of the man I thought he was. The man he still pretends to be. But I know that's not real. I have blamed myswlf and tortured myself with the thought that if I hadn't done the things I'd done this wouldn't have happened and that he will be happy with someone else and they will get the fantastic relationship that I did in the beginning before I supposedly messed it up. But I know that yes someone else may have that truly magical experience of him but they too will then have the pain and insecurity that I have suffered too. If you can keep hold of that perspective it doesn't hurt and what he's doing no longer interests you. I know exactly how you feel. You are in the worst place but you can get out of it through this site with support from people who know.
Mar 2 - 1AM
Sherbear
Sherbear's picture

AquariusGal

I am so sorry you are going through this, I can hear the desperation in your post. Believe me when I say that we have all been there and those first days after the dismissal are so difficult. There is no making sense of this...or him. To me, he sounds like a clear narc and the only way to gain any kind of clarity is for you to cut all contact with him. You have got to get away from the poison that is clouding your mind and heart and soul. He is toxic to you and you are going to have to withdrawal from his drug, and it will be so hard, but we are all doing it here in our own way, in our time, but we are choosing ourselves over these worthless, heartless narcs. CHOOSE YOURSELF. Cut contact, cling to these boards, post questions, read, read, read and learn and gain courage and strentgh from the rest of us. I know your pain and I am feel for you, I really do. Cut your mind ready to cut contact to save yourself.
Mar 5 - 4PM (Reply to #15)
AquariusGal
AquariusGal's picture

thankyou sherbear(: i like

thankyou sherbear(: i like your name btw.. well i hope will we will all get better day by day. i dont understand why the hell do we need idiots and brainless people in ourself to self torture.. of cos if there's a choice, iw ould not let go too, but seems the fate has planned all of this do you think so too?
Mar 1 - 9PM
IncognitoBurrito
IncognitoBurrito's picture

Same here.

I'm struggling with similar emotions, in every direction. All over the place, and back again. I don't know what more to add, that hasn't already been said. These ladies really know their stuff. I'm not sure it'll be of any consolation, but unfortunately, tonight you are not alone. Hang in there. I hear it gets better the longer you're NC.
Aug 19 - 11AM (Reply to #13)
IncognitoBurrito
IncognitoBurrito's picture

Wow

Mar 5 - 2AM (Reply to #12)
AquariusGal
AquariusGal's picture

no lonely

(: i'm glad we're not alone. Life will gets better, at least i am feeling it day by day. With understanding ladies here, i wouldnt feel lonely anymore..
Mar 1 - 7PM
Disillusionedx2
Disillusionedx2's picture

Not sure....

AG, I don't know if your guy is an N or not, but...he is not interested in a relationship, he has rebutted your attempts continually and you may be bordering on harassing the guy. I'd say, move on, when you say NARS, what does that mean? I'm lost on that term, someone help me out if possible. Thing here is Hun, you can't make someone be with you no matter how much you want it or beg for it. Don't lose your dignity begging for someone to be with you, there are plenty of guys in the world who are looking for girlfriends and such. You will have to live with the fact that he doesn't want to be with you now and move on, best wishes.

stay~strong

Mar 1 - 6PM
aceonelady
aceonelady's picture

thanks Aquarius Gal

For being so open and i am sure few of us have been in your shoes(me for example) still wanting them so badly but ashamed to say it...hughs take care of yourself....Believe me i know what you are going true and feeling,is a constant craving.....sometimes it softennens but is just really a bad addiction ,to me is chemical...please be strong i am fighting this too....hughs

Aceonelady

Mar 5 - 2AM (Reply to #9)
AquariusGal
AquariusGal's picture

Aww thanks for your

Aww thanks for your compliment that i feel appreciated. :) At same time i well i'm just wanting to let out my inner desires. I am not noble aww.. I'm really glad there is someone understand what we're going through. I think we definately dont need idiots in our life. We can be lonely freak, but we arent and cant be crazy freaks to be brainless along with them isnt it. >< I hope we are doing great day by day :) Update me more.
Mar 1 - 5PM
AquariusGal
AquariusGal's picture

ty ladies for the comfort

ty ladies for the comfort, i thought i woudl get some lashing or scolding for still in the mist. I cant forget how he was always used to be there for me, we do almost everything together. We used to spend most days together, he is always caring and accomodating. Now he has a new life- dancing. Now becos of dancing and singing (all new and greater attention), he has greater social life. Now he claims he has some illness that is affecting him, thus more difficult than ever to get back where we used to be. I dont understand why would he mind when i clearly certainly emphasize i do not mind, i just want to be there going through with him. What kinda STD would kill other than AIDS? I just dont freaking get it. )':
Mar 2 - 7PM (Reply to #6)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Aquariusgal

Narcs are famous for inventing illnesses...more than likely B.S. AND even if true...not so dire that it's keeping him from dancing and singing... I would love such an illness... It will take time but you have to fight the illusion...it sounds very much like you were caught up in illusion...which sadly all of us here have had to come to terms with on some level. You are new here I note...it will take time...read as much as you can. I look forward to speaking with you further... Hugs!
Mar 5 - 4PM (Reply to #7)
AquariusGal
AquariusGal's picture

full of projection, lack of empathy, hardly have any conscious

haha lol true, your made me lol abit inside.. Well based on numerous testing it was std-herpes. But perhaps he got another testing and turn out to be something elses? i dont know. Or maybe he just wanna drive me away. But doesnt matter. Cos i am shortening my life to and hard to breathe with someone full of projection, lack of empathy, hardly have any conscious. And OH YA, you spotted about me saying the singing and dancing, lol which is so funny. yes! how i wish his legs could not make him dance anymore. all his promises is gona just become he wants to devoted to dance and friends influence. forget it. i dont need heartless and brainless people to upset myself. i am sad i wouldnt deny, but there is no way out. If he wants to leave may he never comes back. ps: How i wish all of us could hug together as comfort..
Mar 1 - 8PM (Reply to #4)
Disillusionedx2
Disillusionedx2's picture

At this point....

Either he is being dishonest and possibly trying to get rid of you by telling you he has a life threatning illness? I don't know about this, but either way, it's great you would stand by his side IF that's what he wanted but he doesn't, and I'm sure once the smoke clears you may not want to get involved with him physically with a disease, that's not a safe move, you have your whole life ahead of you, you can love him without being with him, you must move on, best wishes.

stay~strong

Mar 5 - 4PM (Reply to #5)
AquariusGal
AquariusGal's picture

no value but to be noticed.

He does have std but all we are sure of is herpes based on numerous testings. But after breakup maybe he just wanna drive me away, he say he might die. whatever. pardon if i dont sound nice (well why shd i act), if he really gona die, may he die faster. since his living and presence is of no value but to be noticed.
Mar 1 - 5PM
titta22
titta22's picture

Please, if you value yourself .....

Do not seek him out anymore. I'm sorry that you are hurting so bad but this is not healthy at all! He is not healthy and it is making you unhealthy as well. Please seek help from a therapist as soon as possible because this is obviously too much for you do deal with on your own. My thoughts are with you. Be strong. Love yourself.
Mar 1 - 4PM
ally2375
ally2375's picture

Aquarius

I don't know enough of your story to know whether your ex is a Narc or not. It sounds like he's very clear about one thing though: he wants out of the relationship. From what you said in your post, he actually seems to be pretty consistent about that. Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? I know there's an obvious answer to that question. You want the good times back. You want to turn back the clock to when you loved him and he loved you back. But, hun, he's telling you HE doesn't want that. :( Why? Who knows. Maybe he's a Narc, maybe he's too immature for a relationship, maybe he doesn't think it's the right relationship for him for some reason. You can't win back someone's love. If you've tried to talk to him and he doesn't want to work with you on the relationship, then you've done all you can do. :( The only thing you can really do from here is try to stop beating yourself up and thinking that you must have said or done something wrong to cause this. You deserve to be with someone who truly wants to be with you. You deserve someone who, when times are tough, cares enough to work with you to resolve the problem. I think you may just need to let go of this guy for now. Maybe he'll come back and maybe not (and if he is a Narc, let's hope not), but you can't will or wish a relationship into existence. You'll miss out on all sorts of other good stuff trying.