titta22's story

My story is starts off pretty much the same as everyone else’s.
I was 21 when I met my exN and he was 30 and engaged. He was divorced and had two kids from that marriage. He is very handsome and I was immediately attracted to him. He had issues with his girlfriend but I didn’t know much about it because we only talked occasionally. I had a huge crush on him and always looked forward to seeing him at work but other than that it didn’t go any further. Six months later he broke up with his girlfriend and asked me out on a date. That was in June and by October we were talking about moving in together. (I don’t recall who brought up the subject) Everything was happening so fast. We couldn’t be apart for too long and I was falling hard for this him. By the end of October I found out I was pregnant and by the end of November we moved together. (He spoke fondly of his two children who lived in Europe and I thought that because he was divorced and 30, he knew what he wanted in life)

This is where it gets interesting! Soon after we moved in he told me he had received a phone call and needed to talk to me about it. Apparently he was contacted by another state and was told that he was named as one of 3 men who would possibly be the father of a little boy and he needed to go down for a paternity test. This was the State handling it so he couldn’t get out of it. I asked him if he knew the women and if there was a possibility of him being the father. He said that he vaguely remembered her and she might have hung out at the bar that he and his friends hung out at. (That was a lie but I wouldn’t find out the real story until 7 years later) The paternity test came back and he was the father. I told him not to worry about anything because I would stand by him through this and he could count on me.
Witnessed his first rage outburst when I his kids came down for the summer to be with him (us) and I was about 8 months pregnant. The outburst was towards his 7yr old son who accidently poured out all the salt from the little package onto his food. I felt immediately uncomfortable and uneasy with how he was talking to his son. Apparently so did another person who was sitting close by in another table. My exN noticed and got pissed about that too.

In between he was sweet and caring but very lazy when it came to house chores. It was a struggle to get him to clean up. After I had the baby he didn’t help with bottles and it all fell on me. I thought it was just a guy thing and didn’t think much about it but was very frustrated. He was not good with money and would always spend more than he had.
For 2yrs he did not ever RAGED at me but I think it had something to do with the fact that we always lived with one of my family member. ( My brother the first yr and my mom the second yr) We moved to another state to help my mom out with a store she was going to open and lived with her for a yr. He did snap at me in the car once but we were under a lot of financial pressure from our move.

FIRST RAGE: It happened when we lived on our own. When my son was 18 months I had my daughter. I stopped working to take care of the kids. We were barely making it to the end of the week with $10. It was hard. Then he was told of a bonus he might receive at work. He came home and told me he wanted to move to another place where we would be paying $300 more. That did not compute. The bonus can only last for so long and what would once it ran out? I expressed my concern and really thought he understood and we didn’t talk about it again. 3 days later he called me at work and told me he made an appointment to go see the house. When I expressed my concern to him once again and told him that it was not a good idea. He snapped at me and said “What the fuck is in your head? What the fuck do you think with? Do you even think at all?!” I was shocked and hung up the phone. He called back but I was too shaken to answer. He left me a message that said “If you are going to hang up on me and treat me like that then I suggest you pack your shit and get the fuck out!) Obviously it was my fault he snapped because I wouldn’t agree with him.
I got tired of his lazy attitude around the house and after several attempt at speaking to him about this issue I had, which didn’t help because he would change for 2 weeks and then revert back to his same ways. I finally told him something had to change because I was always exhausted and if he didn’t start helping then I wanted out. That was a BIG mistake. After I told him that nothing was the same.
He started pulling away from me. We didn’t really talk anymore and I saw a lot more of his RAGE, which included slamming and office chair on the floor causing a gash, slamming my new vacuum on the floor and taking off. It seemed that anything I said or did annoyed him. Wouldn’t look at me in the eyes, cold and hot and at one point stopped talking to me completely. Like I was another object in the room and when I confronted him about his behavior he simply said nothing was wrong.

When I finally got him to tell me this is what he said “I don’t even want to be here anymore. I’m just along for the ride, because you want to work on things, and I’m going to wait till you get tired of me and tell me to leave.” I did tell him to leave and he then apologized for everything and he didn’t know what came over him. He was happy for a while then his RAGES started up again.
Then once again he told me he didn’t want to be with me and then he wanted me back. The cycle was endless. I asked him why he keeps asking me to come back when he obviously does not like me. Here are some of the many things he said to me during all this.

When things were going good and I had hope that we might be able to work on things, he told me that out relationship was over and there was no future for us. When I asked why the sudden change if he seemed so happy with me and us:
He said he was just faking it!
He has told me he’s embarrassed to call me his wife.
He has told me he regrets ever saying that he loved me.
The list goes on. He had outburst in the morning when was getting ready for work and his collars would not be right.
His put downs, his remarks about my body, the cold shoulder, not speaking to me, It left me on the verge of insanity. I had so much anxiety and started talking anti depressants because he told me I was the one with the problem. I felt like I was going crazy!! That is only the tip of the iceberg.

I am currently waiting for our divorce to go through so I can move back to the city where all my family is at. I am a nervous wreck, crying all the time, depressed with anxiety and can barely function on a daily basis. I can’t seem to stop thinking about him. I miss him but I know It’s only the nice guy act that I miss. I really did love him.