Hearts544's Story

fool me once shame on you.. fool me twice shame on me

hello- and thank you for letting us have a place to share my story.

i am 28 years old and have only dated narcassitic men in my life. i dont think that their has ever been a boyfriend or even just someone i was dating that did not have these qualities. funny that all of them were either athletes or had a job with power.

The most recent one, was the worst and got to me the deepest. i sometimes wonder if i will recover because its just that deep. He came into my life at a time when i was getting over a man that had cheated on me and married and had a baby all the while i thought i was with him. (told you my past wasnt so pretty with these types) Well when the N walked into my life i was pretty guarded, but he made sure to woo me, treated me as i had never been treated before, called when he said he would call, said some of the sweetest things i have ever heard.. yall know the drill. being that i was still pretty beaten up on the past relationship i kept pushing him away, but the N just kept coming back. So in my fairytale mind i finally said- he keeps coming back for a reason- just go for it. Even though i just kept saying, this guy has to be too good too be true AND i had seen red flags, i thought wow he is very good looking and knows it, he loves himself, he had a job where he was traveling on a race team that was on tv, so he was very proud of that. Basically you catch my drift, he wanted you to know when he walked into a room. And the other side was his perfection to everything. I have to be proud of myself for as much as a failure that this was, i definitly called him out on some of these things.Even though i was so mezmerized by him that i threw this all to the side.

Time went on and i really fell pretty hard for him. HOOK LINE SINKER. As soon as he saw and felt that i was really falling into what he was telling me, things started to just get weird, red flags were going up left and right, at times he was treating me as a booty call, such disrespect, there was even a time where he sent a picture of "himself" if you catch my drift, always asking me what my friends thought of him etc,excuses were being told, disappearing acts were happening, only phone calls from work or in car- not calling all the time as before, but still giving me just enough crumbs meeting me for lunches only- never really talking about hanging out around his family, going in month cycles seeing me and then expecting me to just jump on top of him at the sight of him.

the very last meeting that we had, i seriously think he was only coming over because he thought he could get sex, i called him out and his explaination was probablly as you imagine it. "your always uncomfortable around me, you second guess everything, your such a tease, i told you if we were ever exclusive i know you wouldnt cheat on me" he never would explain any further. He would always leave me very confused and frustrated, i mean this man was the man that sat on my couch that night and told me that he likes to try and figure people out (red flag manipulator)and continued on to go on about how he was so fearful of marriage because he may wake up and not love the person one day. the best of the best was he told me i was not a throw away person and that i should think that him saying that was the sweetest thing that i should have ever heard. After that part of the conversation, he said your just scared, i made sure to say, look im not scared of you persay, but i am scared of the consequences that come after you leave. YOU DISAPPEAR. He left with no sex and hopefully his tail between his legs.
Then the doozie came, i guess i had called him out too much, because he just straight up disappeared. i got injured and was in physical therapy and on crutches, he checked on me one time thru text - and i never heard from him again. i waited 20 days and like it has been said on here, these types are our drug. i caved and texted him. his response to me was, WOW YOU FELL OFF THE MAP! umm really, i didnt even know how to respond. i did the best i knew how with my witty self. i responded with no i just fell off yours. From this moment forward he spoke about hanging out and i was all about it at first as i thought if he can only see me... you know how you get that nostalgic feeling. but the more that i thought about it, i said you know what NO. i cant im exhausted with this. So i sent him a message basically went like this - i dont think we should hang out, i think that their has been some loss of intrest and someone is trying to not hurt feelings. i cant just be your friend. Im not a sexting buddy, a fair weather friend, or a booty call. im a woman looking for a man to spend time with and possibly start a realtionship with. his response was ---- get ready! I did nothing wrong. Yep after months of dealing with all of this, i get i did nothing wrong. i just went silent. i didnt know what else to do. now in a perfect world i would have kept silent and been on my road to recovery. Nope .. didnt happen that way.

I caved... once again. i sat here and thought about well wait maybe i did do something wrong, maybe i am a second guesser, maybe he isnt hiding anything and im looking for it, i still do that some days. i will set boundaries and the go back on them. this man deserves no more ego boost but he for sure got some. I texted him twice and called him once, over the new year and got NOTHING back, no responses no answers- not that i expected them. he had moved on. i cut him off and then tried to go back. i get mad at myself because i think about what if i had just stuck to my guns. but that is not the way the cookie crumbled for me. So here i sit in the present still licking my wounds and wondering how it go this way. how i let someone treat me this way and how i accepted some of the things that he did. i saw him in traffic today as i posted in the vain section, and you just wonder, do they ever step outside of themselves? do they ever feel sorry for why someone that they say they cared for is hurting on their behalf?

what it boils down to, is this N was gone a long time ago, he was never only focused on me no matter what he said, his actions never matched his words, he probablly had a lot of things going on in the background of just him and I, even though i had made it very clear that what i was looking for, where i had come from etc, and he played on all of that,i know all of this will make me stronger, but i have to say it has been one hell of a landslide.
i am in therapy i felt it necessary as it was becoming such a pattern in my life for these types of males to come into my life and for me to allow it.

i am heartbroken but i can say everyday i know if i keep focused i will be okay. i am thankful that i found this website!

thank you for reading and any input and encouragement is greatly appreciated.