Oddly enough mine didn't have co-conspirators. He kept his entire dual life a secret from everyone. Those that knew about me didn't know about the OW and vice versa. It must have been exhausting for him. Glad I took myself out of that mess!!

In my case, narc xmil actually arranged for xnh to connect back up with OW. OW had been one of his former girlfriends about 20 years ago, and used to live across the country from him. He cheated on his FIRST wife with this OW.

Narc xmil found out this creature was living in the same town as her, and made SURE that xnh reconnected with OW. We'd been together for 16 years, and married for 8 years. It's NOT like narc xmil didn't KNOW that he was already in a relationship. OW is currently firmly married and has two teen-aged kids. Her husband apparently isn't aware of her cheating with xnh (yet), and narc xmil provides them with a "love shack" whenever xnh comes back to visit.

I'm not sure whether or not the rest of his family was privy to xnh's cheating, but I do know that his two kids either knew, or found out about it, right after the D&D. I've heard that his hideous P daughter absolutely HATES OW. Good, P daughter is highly likely to make xnh's life miserable about it. Poetic justice, IMO. What kind of a 48-years old "man" lets their mommy pick out their next girlfriend while they're still married? And what kind of "loving" mother actively does that to her own son? Personally, I feel total disgust when I think about BOTH xnh and his mommy.

Helldweller, I think that his co-consipirators tried to warn you perhaps, but really didn't know how to effectively. But I personally feel that you shouldn't be mad at them. It's like when you have a kid who does really bad things, and all the teachers tell you how disruptive he is, and somehow, when you bring your kid home, you just forget about everything the teacher said, because he is your kid and you see him differently. It is my feeling that friends and family of a Narc, especially your Narc and mine who have had so many OW, just don't know how to deal with what the Narc is doing. Look at us, do we know how to deal with it when it is happening? We bury it under the sand somehow. And with several OW lurking about, how do THEY pick which one is "the one" and which one to warn? Also, if the Narc was just cheating on his wife, or his one woman, by all means, I would COMPLETELY expect someone to warn me and tell me. But damn, they are cheating on everyone!! It's a really horrible situation the narc puts his friends and relatives in, not to mention us!! But, true to Narcs, they don't give a shit about anyone but themselves.

We have all been through a great deal. My mind feels like spagetti today. I know of several OWs. I used to think that I was "the one", and the others were just stowaways. Now I don't know. These guys are so F'd up. So, we really can't be too hard on the co-cospirators. They didn't sign up for this mess. They didn't sign on to the drama that these Narcs love to play. They were cast in a show they didn't want to be in. Narcs should be given the "Razzi Award", for being such an ass on the film about their life!! xoxoACgirl

let me just add that I understand families keeping their secrets, but when you know your brother or friend is seriously hurting, lying to and endangering (sexually and emotionally and phsycially) a woman and her children, doesn't the loyalty end somewhere? If my brother was cheating on his wife or even his "exclusive" girlfriend, I would give him a talking to. And if he kept doing it, I certainly wouldn't hang around with him and the OW. But if the family honestly didn't know? But how could they not know we were still seeing each other? Then again, he's so secretive!

I see the younger brother sometimes, and he always seems like he wants to talk to me, and he smiles and seems very warm, and it seems like he feels sorry for me like he didn't want to be a part of it. But maybe he's just being the politician that he is.

So confused. Trying to put all my emotions in order but this one's tough.