angie's story
angie's story
I once again hit rock bottom - I just left 3 semi-angry messages for my ex-n on his voicemail... but let me start at the beginning....
I met him at my work, he was charming and we flirted and I absolutely fell for him.... He made me believe that he is a single, non-attached man and he pursued me. I did not go out with him for several months. But a couple of days after we spent our first night together, he told me that he "kind of is seeing somebody else".... I was absolutely hurt and told him that I had started caring for him, but do not want to be with him if he has a girlfriend. He said "it is not a girlfriend..." which did not matter to me... I still did not want to have a relationship with him. For the next several weeks he kept on being nice to me and pursuing me... and I fell again for him. For the next two years I was his girlfriend...even though I had sometimes suspicions that there might be women, but I tried to ignore it; Looking back I think I was afraid if I would ask more, my suspicions would be confirmed. How stupid of me!!! In the middle of August this year, he had logged into his e-mail account on my computer one evening, and when he left had forgotten to log out... I had never snooped around before, but before shutting down his e-mail account, I saw a folder that made me curious, and after reading this one and several others, I had discovered that he had been seeing and had been interested in other women since the beginning of our relationship until to that point. I was so numb and to some degree I am still numb... Initially he denied things, but when I mentioned specifics he would just say " oh it did not mean anything...". Since then I have been in a downward spiral.... I had moments, where I am better, but I cannot stop thinking of him, I don't sleep, I feel I don't want to go on anymore. I had trusted him so deeply. And he misused my trust and my care for him. Since September we had been on a semi-friendly basis.... he would call every couple of weeks or so, because he owes me money, or to give me some advice regarding some stuff that occupied him and that he considered valuable for me too.... This past Monday I had enough and I told him, that I cannot be his friend any longer and that he should not call me anymore. After some conversation, I decided to go to his place to pick up some stuff that still belonged to me and also because I felt I did not want to finish my relationship on a bad note... I thought I could see him one more time and we could separate in a civil manner. Well, things turned differently and I spent the night. The next morning, he had to leave for work and we left with "We'll talk". After not having heard from him, I left a voicemail and a text for him the next evening. No answer. Yesterday I called him and texted him again. Finally he picked up and stated he had a bad day, but he'll call me today. No phone call from him. So I finally reached my breaking point, and left, as I said earlier, 3 angry and frustrated messages, telling him that I expected my money by the end of the year... up to now I had left it up to him, when he could pay me back.
I feel so lost and hurt, I loved him, even though he never told me he loves me (he had said, that telling a woman he loves her, means he is marrying her)... he is in his early 40s...We spent every weekend together and sometimes evenings during the week. We would have hourlong conversations every day.... how could I go so wrong. Until several days ago there was this little hope in me that he is not as bad after all, not this selfish man. And even though I knew all the narc things about him, I had a glimpse of hope. This is no completely crushed. I just cannot find a sense in all of this, or a sense in my life. How do you move forward. Over the past months I have read many postings on this site, and I always felt some comfort in knowing that I am not crazy and there are other women who went through similar relationship disasters. But right now, I don't know anymore on how to take the next step....
I am so sad to read your
The next step is to stay