My story starts a little over a year ago. A very attractive guy had been catching my eye and paying quite a bit of attention to me. I was of course surprised that such a gorgeous and outgoing being could be interested in ME. He made reasons to hang out as much as possible. And when we weren't together he was constantly getting ahold of me by phone. My Narc was also in a long term relationship at the time to which he claimed he was very unhappy and looking for a way out. He would stop by my house when he knew I wasn't here and leave me small gifts like a gummy worm stuck to my door. Small things that would make me melt. He would be extremely gentle and very attentive to my feelings. He would rub my feet as we sat and watched tv. he would get up and get me something to drink to cater to me. It took us about three weeks to finally sleep together. He had told me his live in girlfriend would not sleep with him and must have a new boyfriend. I blew it off mostly because I wasn't emotionally invested in this guy. He was over the top fun and I was proud to spend any time with him. Plenty of women would throw themselves at him and here I was taking up all (or so I thought) of his time and attention.
November 2009 he said he had had enough with his ex. He was going to tell her about me and he was moving out of their apartment. He made me believe that he had told her about our sexual relationship and he said she threw a tremendous fit and throw his stuff out. He had no other place to go, than of course, my house. Our agreement went something like this. We weren't together therefore he would be staying with me until he saved up enough money to get his own place. I would continue paying rent and all bills of mine. To help him.
He never moved out. We started a serious relationship and he was in love within a month! I was shocked of course when he first said it and I didn't feel it, but I eventually fell for him and said it back. And our love blossomed.
When he moved into my one bedroom apartment it was fairly roomy for me. When he moved in, it became very crammed. With him he brought AT LEAST 50 pairs of designer tennis shoes. He has enough ball caps to wear one for an entire year. The size of his wardrobe easily triples my own. My closest was taken over by all of his expensive clothing and shoes. He also had so many small luxuries that only someone wealthy would have so much of. One thing there was no sign of, his childrens clothes. He did bring with him art supplies for the children but that was it. There was almost no sign of his children in his huge amounts of things.
He was over the top! Nice always talking about the future. Telling me how amazing I was how much he wanted children with me. How everyone else admired our relationship 'two good looking people in a stable and happy relationship. It was music to my ears. Sometimes the tone of his voice made me think twice about whether it was genuine or not. More so because of how great he made it sound constantly.
by January 2010 he lost his car to the bank. He hadn't made a car payment for 3 months and they were going to reposes it. So we started sharing my vehicle. Since we worked together and lived together it was somewhat easy to use one car between the two of us. I continued to pay the insurance and for gas in the car, whether he had had it for the day or not. He had me believing that he was broke and not making enough money. The only thing he could afford was his child support for his 7 and 5 year old. By that time I was starting to feel things weren't right but I ignored my gut. After all this man was a dream come true! And if I wasn't there for him, someone else was going to be. He was mine.
I received a very large settlement from a car accident late January. To which my mistake was telling him and letting him feel as if he was a part of spending that money. I had known for months that the settlement was coming and my dream and plan was to move out of the state I currently live. Closer to the ocean or in another country. That didn't happen.
My Narc had had a tattoo of his ex's name on his back. He is an MMA fighter and his back is exposed constantly while working out and fighting. I told him for a late christmas present (and because I would not have my man showing off on his back the name of an ex while he was with me)I would pay to get the tattoo covered. He made an appointment and it ended up he took MY car and MY debit card to get this done. He came back 5 hours later with an outline, and a receipt for 350 dollars! The outline alone cost 300 dollars for this tattoo! And he assumed it wouldn't be a bother to tip the artist 50 dollars on top of it! Of course I was upset and I couldn't believe that he would spend MY money like that. but again I blew it off. It wont happen again and that needed to be done.
Of course the spending didnt end. He didnt have a debit card to pay for blood work over the phone. It's the law that he get blood work done once a year to fight in a professional ring. 100 dollars for blood work off my debit card. We agreed that from that point on I had spent a lot and he would begin paying one of the bills to pay me back for this. Another month goes by and he has a very big fight out of town. So he needs an over the top gym to train for this fight. He owed 200 dollars to this gym from previous memberships. So again it comes out of my bank account from MY debit card. He had known exactly how much it was. He acted as though it was a surprise when we were there. I knew it, but I didn't want to believe it.
By March the settlement is gone. He had also gotten into a wreck with my car. He and one of his friends were doing something they shouldn't have in the parking lot of his gym. As a result, the body of my car is trash. He told me about it, and said he was sorry. But he did not say even once that he would have it fixed.
Treating him to dinner and movies. Also buying his two children meals and supporting them every other weekend. I started realizing the extent of his selfishness when it came to his children. He would buy himself a winter coat or a new pair of shoes and be broke. Not thinking even for a second that he should shop in the childrens section of any store. I don't have children of my own and I was ready to give up everything I had for them. Any money that I had in my pocket to make them comfortable. My Narc new this, so he never offered to pay for anything while I was around.
My Narc is 27 years old and is a type 1 diabetic. For those that don't know, he is insulin dependent. He has to take up 4 injections of insulin daily to keep his blood sugar regulated. He works out 5 to 6 days a week for an hour at a time which also lowers his blood sugar. So he needs constant supply of sugar, candy, or soda. When his blood sugar is not within a normal range his mood changes drastically. He can go from being fine to being the biggest crab on the planet within minutes. I've learned that some, but certainly not all of his mean ways come from these mood swings. He uses his diabetes to validate any angry thing he says or does. Also alcohol doesn't help the disease. It raises and lowers blood sugar. If a diabetic gets too drunk, they don't think to check their blood sugar and therefore leave it going crazy. Which could result in seizure and death.
My Narc stayed out until 5 in the morning one night. Came home drunk as a skunk and went straight to sleep. Within an hour he was having a seizure. It scared me none the less. But I got him sugar and forced it down his throat. After the seizure it's normal for a diabetic to vomit constantly. When blood sugar drops too low (causing a seizure) your brain is also effected. Therefore induced vomiting and migraine. I took him to see his doctor. He had an IV and I stayed with him the entire day. Not sleeping, but watching over him sleep and waking him every couple of hours to make sure he ate and checked his blood sugar.
When he woke up the next evening he got up and instantly took a shower. Without as much as a word to me. I figured he was embarrassed about not taking care of himself. I would be! Especially disappearing until 5am and showing back up drunk. He got in the shower and got ready to leave. I asked him where he was going 'out to play pool'. His only words. Nothing else. Not worried about my feelings or what I'd been through taking care of him the entire day.
Things continued to get worse and I began to get depressed. He would read my diary. He would get violent. He held me against the wall using my neck and screamed at me. He broke in the bathroom door to get to me when I hid from him scared. He took all of the locks off the doors in the house because 'he just didnt like them'. He would constantly flirt with other women in front of me. He would ignore me while we were out together. He would disappear for hours at a time to go 'shopping' because he felt bad. And he was constantly jealous of any male that I worked with or was friends with.
He would never compliment me on the way I looked. He would always say things like 'i love you you're amazing' but never 'you're beautiful or you look good tonight'. He was constantly in the mirror. Usually with no shirt on or completely naked. He has a gorgeous body because he is obsessed with working out and staying tone. He would primp himself for hours on a daily basis. He would shave his arm pits. His hair would always have to be just perfect before he left the house. His clothes were always clean, but he rarely would wash my clothes as well. He would change clothes more than I would to get ready for a night out. It took him twice as long to get ready than it ever took me.
He had a lot of admirers and even more friends. In public he was always smiling and bouncing around like an out going fun person. Everyone always has nice things to say about him. 'He's such an inspiration. Such a nice guy. Such a good christian man. Such a good dad. So sexy. So perfect.' No one sees in him what I and many of his exes have seen so well.
I have always been very sexual with my partner. I have had two long term relationships and I do not sleep with a lot of people by any means. But I do very much enjoy sex with the person I have feelings for. Especially my Narc's body type, perfect! I have always been attracted to his six pack abs and his beautiful skin. But sometimes he would be so exhausted that he would be ready to quit soon after we started. "I'm sorry babe I'm exhausted from working out' But this was never true. I don't have any concrete evidence that he ever cheated. But I do now that I would find him pleasuring himself in the other room when he thought I was sleeping. He was so wore out from touching himself, that he wouldn't be able to complete his job in our bedroom together. It was frustrating.
I tried to leave, or rather have him leave. I spent time with an ex to get my mind off of my Narc. I avoided my apartment for over a week giving him time to get all of his things out of the house. He SLOWLY took little things out of the house. He stole my cell phone from me and kept it over night. He called every male in my phone book at 3 in the morning and deleted every contact that he didnt want in the phone. I made a police report and he agreed to bring the phone back the next day. He brought his sister and his sister truck. I've become close with his sister.
His sister sat with me while he collected his things that were now on the front lawn. She cried and talked and talked with me telling me how much he loves me and just wanted me back. I took him back. I spent the rest of the day at his sisters place with him and his children. Nothing changed. Everything continued as it was before and somewhat got worse. Now he was able to make me feel terrible for cheating. 'you don't treat someone you love like that. You need to respect me and treat me as your equal or this wont work'. He said these things to me over and over again.
I found out that we are pregnant and I told him that day. His reaction was cold. He didn't have a word to say. I made excuses in my mind for his reaction. 'he's nervous like I am'. We talked and talked and as a couple we decided that it was best for us to have an abortion. He didn't want to hurt his two children in his life now. But to other people he told a completely different story. I was the one that didn't want a baby. I hated the fact that I was pregnant. He loves me so much and wants to marry me and have a baby and spend the rest of our lives together. He can't believe that i wouldnt want this baby. All a twisted lie.
We got into a huge fight over something small I couldn't even tell you what it was. But it blew up into him getting in my face yet again. Running around the house calling me a b* a C* and everything under the sun. So I called the police and they had him leave. I spent the rest of the night packing all of his things for him. He came the next day and got everything else. The entire time being as polite as can be to the police officers that we there that HE brought with him this time. The police officers hardly had words for me. Seeming to forget that I was the one that called for their help the night before.
I took him back. I wanted to make it work. If he truly wanted a baby then I was willing to do whatever it took and risk my life to be with him and have a baby. Beside the fact that I was already having a terrible time with the pregnancy. Being upset and constantly sick. I stayed with him where he moved into. His friends house, who doesn't ask for rent and at that point had already showered him with money and food. He hasn't had a job for almost 3 weeks now. He just didnt show up one day, after many times of doing the same. SO he was fired.
The last day that we spoke was a day I was babysitting for his brother and sister in law. My Narc had picked up his two children for a couple of hours on his scheduled one of two days a week that he has them for 4 hours. He brought them to see their little cousins and myself so we could all be together. I noticed something new. A new winter coat, and new boots. Just a week ago he had cried to me that he was so broke he couldn't buy himself sugar and he was worried about providing christmas for his kids. I asked him 'Narc, where did you get that from' 'i bought it' 'how?!' 'I borrowed money from my cousin'. Enough was enough.
I questioned him about the purchase and the fact that he had to borrow money to buy himself something he did not need. He has two very nice winter coats as it is and 50 plus pairs of shoes. Why couldn't he buy the children christmas gifts with that money instead of buying for himself? He turned the twisted the argument around. 'you need to calm your voice down and talk to me with respect, like we are equals. I bought this stuff because when you kicked me out I was feeling SO terrible. I needed something that would make me feel good because of your bad choices and actions. You need to take a deeper look into yourself and realize you're making things worse right now' I repeated these exact words back to him. And he got very angry. He said he was done and he didn't want to drag this on anymore that we were done.
It has now been three days and he hasn't tried to contact me. I'm grateful. He had some things he still had in the garage and I bagged it all up and it's been sitting outside waiting for him to find time to pick it up. I told him where his stuff would be three days ago. He will act shocked and have a big tantrum to throw when he finally shows up here. But he knew. The police told him to make sure he got his stuff as soon as he could. It's been long enough. I've had enough.
I had no idea what a Narcissist was until a week ago. I was feeling depressed and so abused. I looked online to research a nightmare that I had had and it's meaning. The nightmare described exactly how I'd been feeling. 'trapped and in no control of my own life'. I went a step further and looked up emotional and mental abuse. Something just told me to read as much as I could. Which brought me to the definition of a Narc. Which lead me to this website. I could not believe the stories and posts I was reading! So many people were writing about my life word for word! How I was feeling! Describing my Narc also word for word!
Through my own research and self education I feel I have saved my life. I know now the games that he has played with my mind and my heart for a year. I see everything clear as day that he has taken from me. And it will not happen a second longer! I'm much better than all of this. I am of course embarrassed that it happened. All i can do now is pick up the pieces and get back to my life. A good life. Back to the strong independent woman I was before this Narc came into my life.
I understand that there are going to be times when I miss him, or don't want to be alone. Which is why I adore this site so much already. Between this site and my good friends and family I will go through all the motions of getting away from this Narc for good. I don't know how he's going to act in the future and I can only imagine he will try to get back at me or with me. But it's not going to happen.
I'm better than that.