Feeling really awful, will he be happy with her?

Feeling really awful, will he be happy with her?
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I know enough about this other girl to know she is most likely a TRUE psychopath, who no normal person could be happy with. But what about my ex N??? Sam Vaknin says its possible for a somatic and a cerebral to have a stable lasting relationship as long as they are opposites. She is dumb as bricks and clearly a somatic but my ex is mainly cerebral with a somatic side that emerges from time to time. IT makes me very sick to imagine them lasting!

ShaynasMommy's picture

Nicole

I know how much it hurts to think of them possibly lasteing. But if its true that they may last because they are both psycho's, there's really nothing to be jealous about IMO. Your ex N will never be happy, with her or without her. It just means that the two of them have "matching" psychosis and that they understand each other on some deeper level, even if it turns out that they really cannot stand each other some day. This would be the only reason their relationship would be long lasting, and my God, how sick and pathetic is that.

I say, let the bitch have him! You work on healing yourself so that YOU can be happier in your next relationship.

Susan32's picture

I TOLD him to be happy with her...

I forced the ex-Psych professor to have the "we're not compatible, let's go our separate ways" conversation. He was clearly uncomfortable. He had sprung the LDR girlfriend on me, and he had hoovered me AFTER I met her.

I told him to go be happy with her, since he was unhappy with me. I congratulated him, saying we're going our separate ways, I'm graduating and you're headed off for marriage, so let's go or own ways wishing each other well. I told him it was closure for ME and that I didn't care about him. Of course, he raged. I insisted on closure on MY terms and that he would have NO say in it.

The ex-P and I never did reach the dating/boyfriend-girlfriend stage, but he KNEW I wanted to be his girlfriend. The fact he never mentioned his girlfriend was pure cold calculation on his part. I even told him "Better happy with her, than unhappy with me." I wanted closure on MY terms. I couldn't force him to apologize... but I guess I wasn't trying hard enough.

onwithmylife's picture

Nichole

I am wondering if your EGO is causing some damage to you because you feel hurt that the Narc left you for another woman and a crazy one at that.I think what some others have said here is right on, look at your issues, look at you and why you stayed so long with him, I am trying to do just that and my EXn did not leave me for another woman but to live by himself, an isolated, desperate, depraved life. Like the other's said the only person you can control is YOURSELF, no one else. But do the hard work to get yourself healthier and next time around you will know who you are and will and won't tolerate from a man.

Nicole96's picture

I am also losing my house to them

he is likely to buy me out and move in with her and a friend... share the same space we shared and not one of them will give a f*** about my feelings in fact she is going to laugh as she moves in. It is making me so sick.

agnesmurphy17's picture

House & Other Things

Good! He's buying the house. So many women loose everything, every dime, every possession. You get financial compensation. And you get to move on into a new house free of memories of him.

And why care if they think about YOUR feelings in their living in the house? He has never cared about your feelings. It was about how useful you were to him. Now these two women are useful to him. That's all that matters to him.

And, why do you care if they are happy or long lasting together? You have to think about yourself. Your new life without this jerk.

BYW. I left the house I co-owned with my N husband. The same day I was replaced! Within four weeks of my leaving him, I was locked out of the house I owned & she had a key. Within four months of my leaving him, she moved in all her possessions. Mine were still in the house because he doesn't let one move out until another is moved in. My N did not finally buy me out until 10 months after I left. Three weeks later, the women who was living in the house left the N. WHen she was finally allowed to get her possessions, three months later, there was yet another women living in the house. That made it TWO new women living in the house in the 12 month period after I left him. He was already planning on marriage within two months of my leaving him.

Who cares what he does in the the house & with whom he does it? Time to move on! Sorry. I wept buckets of tears. Don't waste precious time on these jerks. They waste no time on their victims. It's next, next, & next.

Scoop's picture

Nicole

This is such a hard thing to come to teams with and i realy feel for you . there is something almost sacred about the house you live in with the narc , my goodness it killed me that the ow was sleeping in my bed , next to my narc ... but he fucked up that relationship too and now she is sleeping in her own bed in her own house with out the narc . The mantra is they are incaperble of change , they can not learn through experence , everything they tuch turns to mush .big love , it will get better xxx

agnesmurphy17's picture

The Bed

Mine had her sleeping in MY BED from Germany! When I was finally permitted access to my my possessions he made a big deal about my putting trash out on the curb. I put the bed out on the curb for all the neighbors to see! (That pissed him off.) Now I'm getting an American bed when I finally get my own place to live. (Still living with friends who helped me escape.) A bed all brand new for ME! But I didn't care about her. I didn't want that bed because of him. And she really got burned by this guy in the end. He broke up all her possessions.

allthatglitters's picture

That's the most helpful

That's the most helpful thing to keep in mind: they cannot change. For anything or anyone. Whatever we got from the N is as good as it's ever going to get.

Mariline's picture

Oh, actually I have seen

Oh, actually I have seen this dance with my own eyes. It was quite horrifyng.
One of my dearest friends, after her husband died she had this two years story with this horrible Narc or whatever. He was something, anyway. Abusive. Broke. Stingy. Alcoholist. Bisexual and into heavy heavy porn stuff. And so on, we all know the picture.

Well after a long list of sufferings he left her-again-for this crazy crazy woman. She was undescribable. She even put on a fake pregnancy. She phoned her screaming in the middle of the night. The crazy woman, I mean, called my friend.The crazy woman called also the police on him-many times. She found the porn stuff on his computer and she called anybody-I mean anybody- in the town to know: the Narc ex wife, my friend, the police, his colleagues etc.
He was so "happy" with her that he crashed his car against a wall -not even an injury......but the car was destryed- and he lost his precarious job.
She-the crazy one-ended in hospital with a broken back after tha he had beaten her with a stick of wood.
She ended being operated in the back, he was arrested and put in a community for alcoholists and drugged people.

Do you really envy this "happiness"?????

Susan32's picture

Do you envy their "happiness"?

I remember talking to a friend 9 years ago... it was when I found out that the ex-Psych professor had married the OW, not long before she gave birth to his twins. The OW came across as the female version of him- like him, she had a crew cut. She dressed in a masculine way. The first and only time I saw them together, they didn't engage in public displays of affection (I was expecting the ex-P to rub it in,he knew I was down, but I thought he'd go all the way and engage in some major public make-out sessions, to flaunt it) They didn't hold hands;they looked like fraternal twins. So, I found out that she had his twins, and that his parents moved in to raise the twins. What's weird is that ALL the mentions of the ex-P's raising their grandchildren give ZERO mention of the ex-P and the OW. A casual reader would think that the grandkids got orphaned, so their grandparents were raising them. I don't know if the ex-P and the OW are involved... frankly, I don't care.

My friend asked me,"Do you envy their 'happiness?'"

I had wondered if the OW were as narcissistic as the ex-P, so they'd have compatible disorders.

I was spared the marriage, the kids, the drama. So, when someone says the OW is a guardian angel, I BELIEVE it!!!

Nicole96's picture

So they claimed they were happy?

This couple will not beat each other (out side of the bedroom???) but she certainly is crazy. She is super jealous yet up for 3-somes, is a willing puppet but throws tantrums like a horrible little spoiled and crazy child. He has never wanted to care for a "child" but what if she blindly follows him? will he happily support her financially, etc.? I cant imagine anyone being "happy" with her but since she is an endless ego boosting 'parrot' who will follow him anywhere and is up for anything and certainly will never be "boring" is is possible he will enjoy being with her and say to me "see it was you... i found someone better" ???

ShaynasMommy's picture

So what if he does say that to you?

First, if you are NC, there shoulnt be a way for him to get close enough to tell you that, and second, so what if he does think she is better?

Is she? NO!

He is an idiot!!!!!Do you take an idiot seriously?

Mariline's picture

Nicole.....but don't you

Nicole.....but don't you read anything on this board?
These are questions that all of us asked ourselves. We second guessed ourselves all the time. This second guessing is simply another proof that he was a narc. And again...it is not her or you. It is him.
No a Narc is never happy with anyone. They can stay with someone who stops talking, breathing, answering, living, existing. Yes they can stay with people like this for a long time. But it ends anyway.

No he will not be happy. Yes he will tell you for sure : do you see, it was your fault, now I am so happy with her. He will tell you this for sure.

But it's not true.

Start reading the threads here, honey...we have all been there.

CarolKittyGale's picture

Mariline

This is exactly the sort of dysfunctional stuff that happened to my Narc #1 after I got away from him...and there is probably a load of crap going on in Narc #2's life as well....I'd bet on that one....lol

I am truly happy to be out of both my Narc relationships..Thank you to God....I count my blessings everyday. :-))

Hope you and your son have a lovely day. X

Mariline's picture

Thank you dear Carol :-) yes

Thank you dear Carol :-) yes my son and I are enjoying a very lazy Sunday ....I sort of cherish these days because when I was with the Narc(s) I never had enough peace inside in order to do simple lazy days like this and actually enjoy them. I live this as a conquest :-)))

have a blessed day ((hugs)))

CarolKittyGale's picture

Nicole96

It's natural to feel like this, I felt like it 11 months ago. I broke up with Narc at beginning of this year. He met his OW the day before he completely d & ded me and moved in with her four weeks after he met her. He did sort of try to keep his options open with me but I wasn't having it. At the time I was devastated now I realize he is using her because he was living with his parents because he had no where else to go and hated it there. My youngest son of 16 still lives with me and I wouldn't let someone who I'd only been with for 14 months move in with me because I made that mistake once before and if I'm honest looking back I was getting to really not like him. So you see they just USE EVERYONE.

He is a Narc it will be a horrible dysfunctional environment especially if she has a PO too. In time you will see this as I did. I'd rather be alone then have that nonsense round me. I've had two narc intimate relationships the first one was a violent monster and I wasn't about to put up with being upset about Narc #2 for long. Anyway what he did to me pales into insignificant compared to the first N/P. I have no idea how my narc is getting on living with OW as I have stayed NC in every way and it works. You will in time get to the place where I am now. But I have to be honest with you if I saw Narc I don't know how I would re~act even 11 months down the line. I would hope I would behaviour like I never met him before or he was invisible but I still every so often have a little bit of anger rise up in me so NC is very important and I stay away from where I know he is going even if it is my local pub..lol...yes he can't even let me have that. So stay NC and nurture little ole you hun. :-))

Look at it this way if they stay together they can't spoil another two people.

In the meantime read often this link I'm posting for you ...it worked for me it may work for you. (((big hug))

http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2007/12/other-woman-now-hes-happy.html

TNR1's picture

So let me understand this...

You are jealous because your ex N is dating someone who could potentially have a personality disorder as well?

You do realize that Ns in a relationship with each other are simply using each other. It isn't a true relationship (because remember that Ns cannot truly love anyone) but more of an arrangement, an agreement.

Nicole96's picture

Im not jealous, just _______

one of the biggest satisfactions out of all this was going to be him realizing there was no "fantasy girl" out there. he dumped me after 9 years to find the female version of himself only better. It was crazy but in a way he did just exactly that... except she is like him in all THE BAD disordered ways only she is more extreme! And now if he is happy it just makes him think he is right and not npd. He will continue to hurt people and think its all justified. And this makes me look bad on so many levels and it is in no way the justice i was seeking.

I would never want to live like that and i cant imagine anyone being happy but if they are it is upsetting. And of course he is going to marry her to "prove" he never had commitment problems... that it was just me all along, that i was the broken piece of the puzzle.

Plus the psycho hurts people vindictively and in no way deserves any happiness after what she has done... they both hurt a lot of people to get together and if they end up happy it is mortifying!

TNR1's picture

one of the biggest

one of the biggest satisfactions out of all this was going to be him realizing there was no "fantasy girl" out there.

**He's a Narcissist...his entire life is built around a fantasy. He's not going to wake up one day and realize that he was wrong, he is going to blame everything and everyone around him and work even harder to find that fantasy girl (even if she really doesn't exist).

Plus the psycho hurts people vindictively and in no way deserves any happiness after what she has done... they both hurt a lot of people to get together and if they end up happy it is mortifying!

*Honestly, you need to find what makes you happy. Who cares if he can "act" all happy. You know what he is, you know what she is. You can't control another person, their feelings or their actions. You can only control yourself. That also is true in the reverse, he has no control over you. He can certainly spin tales with his friends that you were completely to blame. But his opinion of you should not define you. You define you.

Briseis's picture

In the very least, they can

In the very least, they can generate such an amount of pure fuckery together they won't be out there victimizing NORMAL people.

You feel bad? What for? That it's gonna take a psychopath to make your exN happy? Happier than he was with you?

I don't understand feeling devalued in this situation :D

Susan32's picture

Cluster Bs clustering together

It's a perverse sort of harmony. In some odd way, they'd understand each other, empathize with each other's worldviews. My maternal grandmother is a Narc;my late maternal grandfather was one as well.

I remember telling one of my friends about the OW... whom I met only once. My friend opined, "Maybe the OW is a Narc, just like him" and I responded "I hope so, because then they could be insecure together." In some odd way, I WANTED the OW to be a Narc, so she wouldn't suffer like a normal person such as myself did. I didn't want her to suffer. Besides, as a Narc, she'd be able to dish out and the ex-Psych professor would be on the receiving end.

The ex-Psych professor fit the profile of the cerebral Narc, so it would mean she'd have to be somatic. But I only met her ONCE... and I'm not a therapist...

I skipped town for my own sake... and I didn't want to be part of the drama.